Anna Scheucher
When we fall in love, it can be a beautiful experience that brings out the best in us.
We may feel as if everything is perfect and nothing can go wrong.
However, some people become dependent on their partner, which is also known as codependence.
This can breed unhealthy and even toxic habits.
Here are 11 signs of dependence in relationships:
1) You constantly check your phone
If you constantly check your partner’s phone for no reason, you could be experiencing signs of dependence.
You might even look at their phone or social media accounts when they’re not around.
If you’re constantly on their phone to see who they’re texting or calling, you might be trying to control your partner.
You might be trying to find some reason to break up with your partner, especially if you find something that makes you feel insecure.
This is not healthy and you should try to have more trust in your relationship.
However, this point is not only about your partner’s phone.
You see, when people are codependent in a relationship, they will feel very bad without their partner.
That means, they will constantly check their phone when they are out, even when they are with their friends because they are waiting on an update from their partner.
Of course, this behavior is anything but healthy – in a good relationship you should be able to enjoy your time with your friends, without checking your phone constantly.
If you experience this kind of behavior, maybe ask someone for help if you can’t stop on your own.
2) You become obsessed with their actions
People with signs of dependence often become obsessed with their partner’s actions.
You might constantly question them and search their past to see what they’ve done in the past.
You might even check their internet history to see what they’ve searched online.
If you’re constantly asking your partner what they’ve been up to, you might be trying to control them.
You might even be keeping tabs on their movements.
This is a sign of unhealthy dependence and you should talk to your partner if you feel like this is a problem.
Sure, partners usually keep some kind of tabs on each other, knowing approximately what the other person is up to, but it’s unhealthy to get obsessed with it.
If you’re constantly checking on your partner’s movements, you should try to relax more and trust that they are taking care of themselves.
The thing is if you can’t trust your partner to do their own thing every once in a while, why are you still with them?
Your partner should be someone you can trust wholeheartedly.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
While the signs in this article will help you deal with feeling dependent, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like codependence.
They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago.
After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
4) You have an unhealthy desire for approval
If you have a lot of needs that your partner needs to fulfill, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
This can include constantly needing your partner to reassure you or constantly needing them to praise you.
If you’re constantly asking your partner to reassure you and your feelings, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
It’s normal to want your partner to reassure you sometimes, but if it’s a constant need, you might have a problem.
The thing is, your partner should definitely meet your needs, no question about it, but you also need to be able to meet your own needs.
The reason people have a lot of needs that their partners need to fulfill is that some people are inherently self-centered.
They are incredibly insecure and don’t know how to make themselves feel better, so they constantly need reassurance and approval from a partner in order to feel worthy and good.
Of course, that is not ideal at all – you should always be able to meet your own needs – but if you are constantly asking your partner to reassure you and make you feel good, it’s a sign that you’re probably not quite as secure as you need to be.
5) You’re constantly checking in with your partner
If you’re constantly asking how your partner feels, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
This is especially true if you’re always asking how your partner feels about you.
If you’re always asking how your partner is doing and how they’re feeling, you might be trying to control them.
It’s normal to ask these questions sometimes, but if you’re doing it all the time, it might be unhealthy.
This also means checking in with them when they are out and about.
It’s okay to check in every once in a while and ask what they are up to, but if you check in with them 24/7, sending them double or triple texts and demanding an update every 5 minutes, it’s not healthy anymore.
6) Defending your partner’s bad behavior
If you’re always coming to your partner’s defense and making excuses for their bad behavior, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
You might not even notice you’re doing this. If you’re always blaming other things or other people for your partner’s actions and words, you might be trying to control them.
This is especially true if you’re always blaming their circumstances. You might feel the need to control your partner because you’re scared they’ll leave you.
Defending your partner’s behavior in front of your friends and family should be a red flag for yourself. Why are you coming to their defense if you are the one getting hurt by their behavior?
Usually, the answer is codependence.
You see, even though you rationally know that what they are doing is wrong, you are scared of being without them, so you don’t want your friends or family to have a bad image of them or you.
Because how could you justify staying with them if they knew how you were treated?
This is obviously not a good sign!
7) You want to control your partner
You might have an unhealthy desire to control your partner if you’re always trying to control their actions.
This can include when they’re with their friends or even their family members.
If you’re constantly trying to control your partner’s actions, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
It’s normal to want to control your partner sometimes, but if it’s a constant need, you might have a problem.
The thing is, your partner is a grown adult, and you can’t control their actions.
And the sad part is, if you constantly try to, you will burn yourself out and feel really unhappy down the line.
Instead, realize that you need to let go of control.
There is no point in trying to control your partner because you will only make yourself unhappy.
If you don’t love and trust your partner as who they are, maybe they’re not right for you.
8) Your sense of self is based on your relationship
If you feel like your whole self-worth is based on your relationship, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
You might also feel like you don’t have anything else to offer but your relationship.
If you feel like your worth and identity are based on your relationship, you might have a problem.
This is especially true if you feel like you don’t have anything else to offer and your relationship is the only thing that defines you.
The problem is, that lots of people are dealing with this issue.
They feel worthy when they are with their partner, and they feel worthless when they are without them.
This is a sign that you might have a problem!
Of course, feeling worthless without a partner will make you stay in a relationship, whether it is healthy or not.
This is a psychological sign of dependence and you might need some help.
9) When you’re alone, you feel anxious and unhappy
If you feel like you don’t belong when you’re alone, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
You might also feel unhappy or anxious when you’re alone.
If you feel like you need your partner to make you happy, you might have a problem.
It’s normal to want your partner to make you happy, but if you feel like you can’t be happy without them, you might have a problem.
The thing is, every happy couple is happier together, otherwise, they wouldn’t be dating.
However, they aren’t miserable when they are apart – they have their own lives and feel okay being without their partner for a few hours or even a few days.
Healthy partners have a healthy sense of self, and that means that they will not feel unhappy and anxious without their partners.
10) You’ve lost yourself and your interests
If you’ve lost yourself completely and your interests, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
If you don’t have an identity outside your relationship or don’t have any hobbies or interests of your own, you might have a problem.
It’s normal to have interests that don’t involve your partner, but if you have nothing that’s just for you, you might have a problem.
You see, try to think about who you were before you got into this relationship.
What were your hobbies and interests, and what did you do in your free time?
If you take some time to rediscover some of the things you used to do when you were single, you might remember that this is not the worst thing in the world.
Breaking up would not be the end of the world, and that is an important realization to have if you want to work on your codependence.
It’s not that you want to break up, but you just know that if you did, you would be okay.
Knowing this will be helpful in understanding when the relationship has come to an end and when it’s time for you to move on.
Plus, it will make your behaviors a lot healthier!
11) You have no identity outside of the relationship
If you’re only happy when you’re in a relationship, you might be experiencing signs of dependence.
You might also get anxious when you’re not in a relationship or even a certain type of relationship.
If you’re only happy when you’re in a relationship and you don’t really have a sense of self outside the relationship, you might be dependent on your partner.
It’s normal to be happy when you’re in a relationship, but if you’re only happy in a relationship, you might have a problem.
The thing is, a lot of people lose their identity and their only character trait becomes “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”.
That’s obviously an issue, given that you have so much more to offer!
And the worst part is, if you know your identity is solely based on your relationship, you will obviously be terrified of breaking up, which means even if the situation is unhealthy or toxic, you will want to stay.
Anyone in this situation is not in a good spot, and you might want to talk to your partner about this.
You got this!
It’s important to recognize these signs of dependence in relationships so you can address them before they cause problems in your relationship.
If you think you’re experiencing signs of dependence, talk to your partner about it.
They can help you through it and they may also be experiencing signs of dependence. This can help you both grow as a couple.
And the best part?
Your relationship will be better than ever!
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