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23 psychological signs he’s secretly pulling away

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You’re in a relationship, and you start to notice something is wrong. It might be that your partner is pulling away or that they seem uninterested.

Sounds familiar?

Then, you’re probably wondering why he’s suddenly pulling away, but you can’t seem to figure it out.

Have you been trying to figure out what’s going through his head and what he might be thinking when he acts like this?

Well, here is a list of 23 things to watch out for when trying to figure out if he’s pulling away from the relationship.

1) He’s not initiating things anymore

Do you remember the last time when he initiated a date?

He initiated a date, you made dinner reservations, and then you both went to the movie theater.

Maybe that type of thing happens more often than not when things are going smoothly, but it’s different now.

It seems like he’s not initiating things anymore. Does this sound familiar?

Well, this is one of the most obvious signs that he’s pulling away from the relationship, and it often goes hand in hand with the next sign.

If he’s not initiating anything anymore, then chances are he has no interest in the relationship.

This can be a hard thing to determine, but it is often the first sign of trouble.

It’s not so much about whether or not he initiates things anymore, as what happens when you initiate something like asking him if he wants to go out for dinner with friends on Friday night.

If there are no reciprocated feelings where this type of communication (or any other form) is concerned, then that could very well mean that his interest in the relationship has dwindled and may even have reached its end altogether over time.

What does it mean?

It means that he tries to secretly pull away from your relationship. But no, don’t even think that your relationship is dying. Instead, you can still save the relationship.

2) He’s not sharing personal stuff anymore

When you’re in a relationship, it can be difficult to keep things from your partner.

And if you’re wondering whether your partner tries to secretly pull away from you or not, then I bet he might not be sharing personal stuff with you anymore as well.

If your partner isn’t sharing personal stuff with you, then there is a good chance that they are pulling away from the relationship.

This can be caused for several reasons, but it’s most likely something to think about if your partner is not initiating things anymore.

Think about this: when was the last time he shared something personal with you? If it’s been a while, then there is a good chance he’s pulling away from the relationship.

But what if he just doesn’t want to share his personal stuff with you anymore?

Well, there are a few reasons why he might do this.

One reason why your partner might not want to share personal stuff with you anymore is that it’s not important or interesting to them anymore.

Another reason is that they’re afraid you’ll have a bad reaction or even worse, reject them if they tell you personal things.

In any case, the most common reasons why guys pull away from the relationship are because they’re afraid that you’ll think less of them if they share their personal stuff with you.

Or it could be because they just don’t care about their personal lives anymore…or maybe even both.

But whatever the case may be, one thing’s for sure: if you notice that he avoids telling you personal things, then he might be thinking that your relationship has come to an end. And if that’s right, then you should definitely react!

3) His hero instinct faded away somewhere along the way

If you’re a woman, then your man probably has a hero instinct.

Believe it or not, acting like a hero is a very important part of a man’s nature, and it’s one of the most important things that he should do in your relationship too.

But does he try to take care of you? Does he try to be the hero that you need?

If he doesn’t, then there’s a good chance that this hero instinct is fading away from him. And the reason is probably that your man might be pulling away from you.

But what can you do about it? How can you trigger his hero instinct?

For this, you need to first understand what this concept truly means.

Well, ‘hero instinct’ is a psychological term that’s generating more and more buzz with today’s relationship experts.

Sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? I know, these days, women don’t really need anyone’s rescue. We don’t want real “heroes” in our lives anymore.

But actually, this amazing concept is still relevant in this day and age. How?

Men are instinctively driven to step up and do something for the women in their lives. In reality, this is a deeply rooted male instinct due to biology. And guess what?

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more sweet, loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him to stop him from pulling away?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into trendy new concepts in psychology, but believe me – this one is indeed one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

4) He doesn’t know how to communicate anymore

Have you noticed that you and your partner have stopped communicating?

If so, you probably wonder why. Did something happen between you two? Did you offend him or make him mad?

Or even worse: did you say or do something that completely ruined your relationship?

Maybe you did. But let me tell you a secret: in healthy relationships, that shouldn’t be the reason why your partner doesn’t know how to communicate with you anymore.

In fact, if you have a healthy relationship, then the above should never happen. And if it does, then there’s a good chance that your relationship isn’t healthy anymore.

And guess what?

This is probably one of the hardest signs that your partner is trying to pull away.

The truth is that he probably doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore.

Of course, we all know that communication is extremely important in a relationship. But when was the last time you and your partner communicated?

If it’s been a while, then there is a good chance that he doesn’t know how to communicate anymore. In other words: he might be pulling away from the relationship.

And when you and your partner don’t know how to communicate anymore, then it’s a sign that they might be pulling away from the relationship.

This can be caused for several reasons. But it’s most likely because of one of the following: he doesn’t want to deal with your problems, he doesn’t want to talk about his personal stuff, or he just doesn’t care anymore.

But hang on a second. Is there anything that you can do in this case to save the relationship?

Well, there’s a simple answer to this: communicate!

5) He avoids eye contact when speaking to you

Ever noticed how he avoids eye contact when speaking to you?

I mean, he avoids it so much that it’s almost as if he’s actually afraid of looking at you.

And that’s a bit strange, because most of the time when we’re talking to someone, we want them to look at us, right?

But he, on the other hand, is not like that.

That’s why you probably think that he tries to pull away. And maybe you’re right about that.

Why?

Because if he avoids eye contact when speaking to you, it means that he’s trying to avoid looking at you.

And if he’s trying to avoid looking at you, then he probably doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

So I wouldn’t really say that this is something abnormal. In fact, it’s a very common thing in relationships. But what is unusual is how hard he avoids eye contact with you when speaking to you.

It might also be because he doesn’t care about what you have to say anymore. Or maybe he thinks that talking to you will just make him feel uncomfortable and awkward again.

Either way, this can be a sign that your relationship is at risk.

6) He’s no longer excited about new projects or activities together

Have you ever noticed that your partner will be excited about things like going out for dinner or watching a movie, but when it comes time for him to decide what movie he wants to see, he won’t even bring up the topic?

He’ll just say he doesn’t care, but why? Why won’t your partner make the first move anymore?

After all, men are usually the ones who want to plan everything in relationships. But this is not the case with your partner. He’s no longer excited about things that you want to do together.

He’s just not interested anymore.

But you know what?

This might be because of the fact that something in his life has changed and he’s no longer interested in seeing movies or eating dinner together.

And this is a sign that he might be secretly pulling away.

7) Your relationship is stuck in a rut

Let me take a wild guess.

Your partner is constantly complaining about the same things. He has no idea why you’re doing things. He doesn’t get what you want out of life anymore.

Do you see where we’re going with this?

He thinks that your relationship is stuck in a rut. And this means that you two are not having much fun anymore.

So why is this happening? What happened to the excitement you used to have when you were first dating? Why does it seem like all of a sudden, things have changed for the worse?

Well, I think this might be because of how long you’ve been together. You’ve been together for so long now that it feels like the relationship has already “settled down.” And now, things are just not as exciting as they were when you first started dating.

If that’s the case, let me tell you something. I’ve been there, and I know how it feels.

When I was at the lowest point in my relationship, I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me and helped me understand why my boyfriend was trying to pull away without letting me know about it.

Relationship Hero is an industry leader in relationship advice for a reason.

They provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

8) He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings anymore

This might be the most important one of all.

Men usually have a hard time expressing their feelings. And you might think that this is part of their masculinity, but it’s actually a sign of how insecure they are in relationships.

Once they realize that they can’t express their feelings, they just stop trying. They don’t want to put themselves through the pain of being rejected again, so they just let things go for now.

But you know what?

This will only continue until one day, he’ll realize that he never expressed himself and his feelings in the first place, and he’ll feel pretty bad about it.

But when that day comes, it’s too late because he doesn’t know what’s going on anymore and he’s too lost to even know what to say or do.

So it won’t really solve anything if you try to talk to him about his feelings. He’ll just try to put up a front and pretend that nothing is wrong.

You can try to get him to open up by asking him questions, like

  • “Why don’t I feel the same anymore?”
  • “Do you think you’re ready for a break?”
  • “What are we doing that is making this relationship so hard?”

This can be effective because it forces him to say something, but it won’t work if he’s not ready.

If he does open up, then good for you! You’ve got a good guy here who’s willing and able to share his feelings with you. But don’t expect him to be able to express them in the same way that women do.

He’s going to need some time and space before he can really share them with you.

If he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, then it means that he’s decided to pull away.

9) He barely texts or calls you anymore

If your partner rarely texts you or calls you, then this could be a sign that they’re pulling away from you. This is something that I see a lot in my own relationships.

Men usually don’t text as much as women, but they do call more often. This is because men are used to calling and texting girls who are just friends.

It’s not until he gets into a relationship that he realizes that his girlfriend needs more than just some “girl talk” on the phone or texts.

If you notice this, then it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship and see if you can work things out, or if your relationship is going to end soon anyway.

When a man doesn’t call or text anymore, it means that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He’s already starting to pull away from you, and the only question now is when will he actually leave?

10) He never compliments you anymore

Yes, I know that not every man compliments his woman.

But what if he used to give you tons of compliments about your looks and personality?

This is a huge red flag that he’s not happy with you anymore.

If you’re receiving compliments from him now, then you know that he’s still interested in the relationship, right?

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But if he isn’t complimenting you anymore, then it means that he doesn’t like you anymore. And if he doesn’t like you, then he has a reason to pull away from you.

But why would he do it secretly?

Well, maybe he’s not sure about your relationship and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. But also, he doesn’t seem interested in your relationship anymore.

11) He doesn’t seem interested in your life

Do you remember how interested he was in your private life when you started dating?

He was always asking you about your family, your friends, and what you liked to do.

He was so interested in your life that he even wanted to know what you had for breakfast every morning.

But what happens now?

He’s not interested in your life anymore. He doesn’t seem to care what you have for breakfast or if you have any family members or friends that he hasn’t met yet.

You’ve been talking about your future plans and dreams, and he doesn’t seem to care about any of them.

Does he ever ask you what your plans are? If so, does it seem like he really cares?

If he doesn’t ask you what your plans are, then it means that he doesn’t want to be with you.

This is a sign that he doesn’t really want to be with you anymore and that he’s starting to pull away from the relationship.

What’s worse, maybe he’s getting ready to break up with you and move on with his life.

12) He’s always on his phone or he’s always checking social media sites or his emails

He’s always checking his phone or texting someone, right?

Well, then it means that he’s not happy with you anymore. He’s already starting to pull away from you, and the only question now is when will he actually leave?

If he checks his phone all the time or keeps checking social media sites all day long, then this is a big red flag that something is wrong.

Why?

Because scrolling through social media instead of spending time with you is a sign that he doesn’t really want to be with you anymore.

This is a big sign that he’s pulling away from you. But can I be totally honest with you?

Maybe this happens because you aren’t paying enough attention to him anymore. He doesn’t feel that someone desperately needs him but you know what? He wants to feel that way.

This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to commit and feel satisfied with the relationship.

And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.

All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

13) He holds back on his opinions and feelings

When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s often easier to see their positive qualities than their negative ones (unless they are really bad).

But this doesn’t mean that they don’t have any negative qualities or that they don’t have any negative qualities at all.

What it means is that, for the most part, you are more likely to see the positive things about them, and only the positive things about them.

So when you’re in a relationship with someone who is holding back on their opinions and feelings, it’s likely because they are holding back on their negative qualities as well.

Why?

They don’t want to hurt you by telling you what they really think or how they really feel.

They want to keep up a good image of themselves instead of letting you know that there might be some issues going on in their life that could affect your relationship negatively.

If he holds back his opinions and feelings, then this means that he doesn’t want to tell you the truth about how he’s feeling or what he really thinks of your relationship because it could make him look bad or hurt your feelings in some way.

But sometimes the only reason they are holding back their feelings is that they want to pull away. But they want to do it secretly. Believe it or not, that’s the truth.

14) He’s always busy and never finds time for you

You’re trying to figure out why he’s pulling away from the relationship and why there is such a sudden change in his behavior.

Well, maybe this is one reason why…he just doesn’t have time for you lately.

It’s not necessarily that he doesn’t love you anymore, or that he’s just not interested in being with you.

He might just be very busy lately and has a lot of things going on in his life right now. In fact, he could have so much going on in his life that it’s making him forget about you!

If this is the case, then try to find out what’s really going on in his life. Talk to him about it and learn more about what’s really happening with him.

You might be able to help him out by fixing a few issues that are bothering him right now or helping him find a solution to whatever problem he is facing at the moment.

Hopefully, this will help your relationship and make it better again!

And if you still can’t figure out why he’s pulling away from the relationship and why there has been such a sudden change in his behavior for the past few days, then maybe you should talk to him about it.

15) He’s not reacting to you anymore

Have you ever noticed that he doesn’t seem to be putting up his usual fight when you talk about something?

He seems like he’s okay with whatever you have to say, and he doesn’t seem to be defending himself anymore.

Sounds strange, isn’t it?

Maybe there are times when you try to assert yourself, but he seems fine with it.

Or maybe there are times where he will agree with what you’re saying, but when it comes down to it, he just doesn’t want to fight about it.

This is a sign that things in the relationship aren’t going well anymore.

What does it mean?

It means that your partner may be pulling away from the relationship. But don’t get discouraged! If this happens often enough, then chances are your partner may just have no interest in the relationship anymore.

16) He’s always late for dates, and this is starting to bother you

It’s not like he’s never been late before, but this is starting to be a little too frequent.

You’ve been waiting for him at the agreed time ever since you started going out together, but lately, he’s been arriving at the date a little bit late.

And when he does finally show up, it takes him a while to get ready and get out of the house. He looks tired and unkempt when he finally comes out of the house.

This doesn’t sound like your boyfriend anymore! You’re used to seeing him look extra-cute when you go on dates with him.

So it seems strange that now your boyfriend is coming home looking messy after they had an enjoyable time together. And if this happens often enough, then maybe your boyfriend has lost interest in you and what you have been doing so far.

17) He’s not making any effort to make you happy anymore

Let me guess.

Your boyfriend used to show you that he cared about you by making sure that you were happy at all times.

You used to always be the one who made him happy, but now?

He seems to be doing everything on his own without even asking for your opinion.

He doesn’t talk about what he wants to do with his day anymore, and when you ask him what he wants to do on a particular day, he’ll just say something like “Nothing really.”

You’ve noticed that this has been happening for a while now, and it’s starting to get annoying.  And if this continues for too long without anything being done about it, then maybe your boyfriend is losing interest in the relationship and what he has been doing with you so far.

And this is a proven psychological sign that he’s pulling away.

18) He doesn’t want to take you out anymore

I don’t know about you, but when I go on a date with my boyfriend, I expect him to take me out to some nice restaurant for dinner.

I would love for him to treat me like a princess and make sure that we have an awesome time together.

But what about you?

When you go on a date with him, you expect to be treated like a princess and not just some random girl that he is taking out to dinner.

You expect him to take you out to some nice restaurant for dinner, and more importantly, take the time to make sure that he makes you happy.

But apparently, this isn’t what your boyfriend wants anymore. He’s taking you out for some fast food instead of going to a nice restaurant. And this is starting to get boring.

And if this happens often enough, it might be a clear sign that he’s losing interest in the relationship, and he tries to pull away without letting you know about it directly.

19) He’s no longer talking about the relationship

When you were dating, did you talk about your relationship?

How many times have you talked about your relationship?

Just think about it and admit it. There is no need to be embarrassed.

But if this sounds familiar, it is a classic sign of someone pulling away from a relationship. It can also indicate that he may have already moved on with someone else and is trying to keep things under wraps by not discussing things in an open manner.

You see, when you’re in a new relationship and things are going well between the two of you, then there are usually conversations about how things are going or what is happening in your life.

But after a while, when the two of you become more comfortable with one another, then there are fewer and fewer conversations about the relationship.

And that is a clear sign that he is no longer interested in the relationship and the worst case, he might be trying to find another girl to be his girlfriend.

20) He doesn’t seem to care about your job anymore

You’re used to being the one who makes sure that your boyfriend is happy, but lately, maybe it seems like he’s just not interested in what you have to do all day.

He doesn’t seem to care about what you have been doing with your life for the past few years.

Does this sound like you?

When you’re in a relationship, you usually know what your boyfriend’s interests are. He probably knows what your hobbies are and the things that you like to do. But somehow, lately, he just seems to be less interested in what you have been doing with your life for the past few years.

It is not uncommon for a guy to get bored of his girlfriend’s job. But it happens only in shallow relationships. But if he deeply cares about you, there’s no way that he’s not interested in your career. So, that might mean that he’s pulling away from your relationship.

21) He doesn’t seem to appreciate your looks

You love the way you look, but lately, your boyfriend seems to be less interested in what you look like. He doesn’t seem to appreciate how beautiful you are.

Of course, you’re a beautiful girl, but it’s not something that he’s always telling you.

Instead, he just seems to be okay with the way you look.

It’s only when things start going wrong that he starts showing his appreciation for your looks.  But if this sounds familiar, then maybe it means that he is no longer interested in the relationship and is already looking for someone else to be his girlfriend or wife.

He might also have already moved on with someone else and has been trying to keep things under wraps by not discussing things openly with you.

You see, when things are going well between two people, they usually talk about their relationship and what they have been doing in their lives for the past few years.

But after a while when things start to go wrong, they start to avoid talking about the relationship and what they have been doing with their lives.

22) He seems to be getting more and more distant

Did you notice that your partner is getting more distant or random with you recently?

This might be one of the most confusing signs that your partner is pulling away from you.

Why? Well, because it’s not easy to define this type of behavior.

It simply means that he is acting strange and distant with you on a day-to-day basis, but he doesn’t get a lot more problematic than this.

He’s been distant for a while now, but it seems like he’s getting more and more distant.

You’ve noticed that your boyfriend is becoming less interested in you lately. But you’re still hoping that there’s still hope for a future together.

He doesn’t seem to want to spend as much of his time with you anymore, even though he knows how important you are to him.

You’re used to being the one who makes sure that your boyfriend is happy, but lately, it seems like he’s just not interested in what you have to do all day.

Why does it happen?

Well, the answer is simple yet unfortunate: he wants to pull away.

23) He avoids physical contact with you

When was the last time your partner actually touched you? Or hugged you? Or kissed you? Or even just hold your hand?

Don’t even try to deny it.

It’s true that you probably don’t notice it, but the fact is that he’s not doing those things anymore.

But why doesn’t he even want to hold your hand anymore? Why is he doing this? After all, physical contact is a crucial part of most types of relationships.

And if he doesn’t want to kiss you or get intimate with you anymore, then he must have serious reservations about his relationship.

To make matters even worse, this might be another proven psychological sign that he does not want to be with you and tries to pull away.

Final thoughts

After we reviewed all the possible psychological signs that your partner may be secretly pulling away, now you’re probably wondering if there’s any solution to this complicated situation.

That’s why I need to take you back to the concept of hero instinct that I mentioned earlier.

To be honest, it’s the perfect remedy for the situation when a man starts to pull away all of a sudden.

Why?

Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this by promoting his masterclasses.

One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.

==> Check it out here.

Best wishes,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

Written by Nato Lagidze

Nato is a writer and a researcher with an academic background in psychology. She investigates self-compassion, emotional intelligence, psychological well-being, and the ways people make decisions. Writing about recent trends in the movie industry is her other hobby, alongside music, art, culture, and social influences. She dreams to create an uplifting documentary one day, inspired by her experiences with strangers.

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