While you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage, it can be easy to feel like there is no way out.
But here’s the thing:
Marriages don’t just magically work themselves out from one day to the next. There’s usually a period of separation where both people can take a step back and try to take control once more, evaluating their relationship and trying to figure out how things might improve.
This is a time when things can feel hopeless. Where you both are still hurt and angry and there’s no clear solution to fixing everything.
But it doesn’t mean there’s nothing left worth fighting for!
You just need to find those positive signs that show there’s hope for your marriage… because they’re out there if you look hard enough!
So, what are 20 of those signs? Here’s a good list to get you started:
1) The attraction between you two is still there
Attraction plays an important role throughout a marriage. It helps keep the passion alive and makes both partners happy.
Also, attraction is a sign that you still like, love, and even lust after each other.
And we all know that lust is not all about what your partner does for you or how they treat you. It’s about how they make you feel when you are together; about that feeling of excitement and the desire to be with them, physically.
So if the attraction is still there and if the passion is still burning on both sides, then this is a very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
2) You know exactly what needs to be fixed in your marriage
Things aren’t always perfectly clear during a separation. You might not know for sure what needs to be done, or what the future will look like once it’s all over.
But if you can pinpoint the reasons why your marriage went downhill – if you can realize what your partner did wrong and what you did wrong – then you’re in a much better place than most couples who are still together but are completely unaware of both your issues.
To be more specific, if you know exactly what needs to be changed and which areas you need to work on, it’s a positive sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
Of course, your partner must also be aware of it.
3) You didn’t stop communicating with each other
Communication is one of the most important aspects of a marriage.
And that goes for both positive and negative forms of communication: talking about your problems, and actually listening to what your partner has to say.
The best example of this is when you can sit down together, both being calm and collected, and discuss the issues you’re facing with each other – even if it’s hard for you two to agree on some things, at least you’re trying to resolve them as a team instead of thinking about them separately.
And if you’re still communicating with each other, sometimes even talking about things that are small and irrelevant just to keep the lines of communication open – it’s a very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
4) Get help from a marriage expert
Being separated from your husband or wife is definitely painful and frustrating, especially when your efforts don’t pay off.
I know how it feels – you’ve tried everything to get through to your spouse, but nothing is working.
You’re starting to wonder whether it’s time to give up, but the love-filled memories of how your marriage used to be, stop you from entertaining the thought.
If this is you, don’t worry, there is a way to salvage your relationship.
Brad Browning is an expert in the field of relationships and marriage. In this quick video, he shares some excellent tips on how to resolve the issues in your marriage.
But not only that…
He also covers some crucial mistakes most people make, mistakes that usually end in divorce.
So if you want to give your marriage another chance, this video will be a great starting point.
With Brad’s advice, you’ll be in a better position to get through to your spouse and revive the loving marriage you once had.
5) You two are working on forgiving each other
Forgiveness is a very important aspect that a lot of couples struggle with.
If you’re going through a separation period, it’s impossible to move forward without letting some things go – without forgiving your partner for the wrongs they’ve done to you.
So if you’re trying to forgive each other, then that’s definitely a very good sign that there is still hope for your marriage. Because it means both of you are willing to try and make things right between each other.
Also, if you’re still trying to forgive each other, it’s an even better sign that there is hope for your marriage than if you weren’t even trying at all.
6) You and your spouse miss each other
Want to know another positive sign that there might be hope for your marriage?
You two miss each other!
Even though separation can be a very difficult period in a marriage, it can be heartwarming to know that both of you are missing and longing for the time when you used to be together.
The feeling of missing the person that you love dearly is one of the most powerful feelings in the world… and it can help keep you going when your relationship needs a boost.
7) You’re trying to work out your problems as a team
Never underestimate how important it is for both parties involved to understand what each other needs when attempting to solve difficult problems!
And, if both people have a good idea of what’s wrong, then you’re more likely to find a solution that works for both of you.
What does this mean exactly?
This means that if you can try to work out problems as a team, then that’s a very good sign that there is still hope for your marriage.
The more determined you are to work on the issues in your marriage, the better. And the more you’re willing to put in the effort to make things better, the more your chances of success increase.
8) You learn how to trigger your husband’s hero instinct
Ladies, if you’re going through a separation phase with your husband, there’s something you can do to get your husband back.
Instead of searching for signs, it would be best to find out what you could do to get him close to you again, without doing too much to achieve it.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in your husband?
The trick is to make your husband feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
9) You’re trying to avoid falling into a pity party
Do you know what’s the worst thing you can do when going through a separation?
Being overly dramatic and crying about every single little thing that’s wrong with your marriage.
Instead of trying to fix your problems, you’re just making it worse for yourself and for your spouse. And don’t get me wrong – you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself when the going gets tough. Everyone has the right to feel bad, sad, and depressed at times, especially when their lives are falling apart.
But if you’re going through a separation because of your spouse’s misbehavior or just because you’ve gotten into a serious fight, then it’s very important that you don’t make your own problems worse by crying about everything that’s wrong with your marriage.
So, if you’re trying to avoid going through a pity party and crying about everything wrong with your marriage, then that’s a very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
The same goes for your partner.
10) You put away all of your anger
Obviously, it’s impossible not to feel angry when going through a separation period. But if you just let the anger consume you and make the situation even worse – well, then that’s not helping anyone.
So if you’re putting your anger aside, and trying to think about the things you could do to make the situation better, then that’s a very good sign that there is still hope for your marriage.
But does your spouse do the same?
If you’re putting your anger aside and trying to make things better, but your spouse is still angry and upset – then that’s not really a good sign.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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11) You and your husband/wife have not been separated for long
When the separation doesn’t last for a long while, that’s a good sign. Why? Because the less time you and your spouse spend apart from each other, the more chance you have of making things work between you.
While it’s okay to don’t talk or see each other for a while, it’s not okay for that while to become too long.
The reason? Because when you spend too much time apart from each other, your feelings of love and attraction for your spouse begin to fade.
And when those feelings fade, it’s very difficult to make things work between you again.
12) You notice positive changes in each other
Has your husband/wife improved in any way since the separation?
Are any of the problems you were facing before being solved? Are both of you making positive changes in general?
If so, then it’s a very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage. Because growing, learning, and changing as individuals is what helps relationships grow and develop into something better than before.
But rather than letting things get to the point of having to grow separately, take action before it’s too late to save your marriage.
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier – he’s widely regarded as one of the top experts in saving marriages.
In this simple yet genuine video, you’ll learn some valuable tips on what to do to improve your relationship and salvage the love and commitment you once shared.
13) You and your spouse still see each other
When a married couple decides to get separated, often, they cut off all contact with each other. They decide to stay away from each other and not do anything that might make their feelings of love and affection for each other grow again.
But if you’re trying to see your spouse and they do the same, that is yet another sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
How come? When you make contact and try to see each other, you’re actually improving your chances of making things work between you again.
14) You two like to remind each other of the good times
Why is this a good sign? Is nostalgia a good sign?
Being nostalgic is indeed a good sign because it’s very discouraging to choose to stay away from each other for a long time. And it’s especially discouraging when those moments of being apart are filled with bad memories and the trials of separation.
But if you’re still reminding each other of the good times you used to spend together, then that’s a very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
Remembering what you’ve experienced as a couple before and what made you happy and probably got you two together in the first place is an important factor that helps sustain the love and affection you have for each other.
15) Your husband/wife openly talks about their feelings
Let’s face it:
Talking about their feelings isn’t exactly easy for a lot of people. But, especially when it comes to asking for reconciliation, your spouse needs to be willing to do it.
So if your husband or wife is open about their feelings and isn’t afraid to ask for reconciliation, then that is another very good sign that there might be hope for your marriage.
However, if even they don’t talk about getting back together, it’s still important to know what they’re feeling, right?
So, if they talk to you about their feelings about what happened between the two of you, that’s yet another very good sign that there might still be hope for your marriage.
16) Both of you are prepared to take on certain responsibilities
In a marriage, couples take on a lot of responsibilities – both big and small. They have to take care of each other, take care of their home, the kids, and more.
If these responsibilities weren’t met before the separation, then talking about them during separation is a good thing.
So, if both you and your husband or wife are willing to talk about taking responsibility for some of these things and are even taking them on, then that’s yet another very good sign that there might still be hope for your marriage.
17) You and your husband/wife have touched on the topic of boundaries
Another sign of hope for reconciliation? Setting boundaries.
Because if you and your husband/wife are both willing to talk about and set boundaries, then that means you’re both willing to work together again and make the effort necessary to stay a happy and loving couple.
So, if the two of you have talked about boundaries, or are even setting boundaries right now, then that’s yet another very good sign that there might still be hope for your marriage.
Why are boundaries so important? Because when you have boundaries, you actually make it easier to maintain a truly loving marriage (respect is involved).
18) You were not disloyal to them or the other way around
In case you cheated on them or the other way around, disregard this point. However, if none of you were disloyal, then take this fact as a sign that there is hope for your marriage.
Couples who haven’t been disloyal to each other can usually get back together. Why? Because there is no doubt that those couples still love each other and are still attracted to each other.
So if you and your partner haven’t cheated on one another, then you’re in a good position to overcome the troubles that got you separated in the first place.
19) Angel numbers that talk about hope in marriage appear to you
Angel numbers are a part of the good-luck superstition that some people believe in. However, it’s not really based on superstition.
Instead, angel numbers are special numbers that have been assigned to certain situations and occasions so people can find out if there will be goodness or badness in their lives.
So, if you’re seeing an angel number appear to you and it has a good-luck message, then that’s yet another very good sign that there might still be hope for your marriage.
20) There’s no resentment between you and them
Resentment is one of the most damaging things that can happen in a marriage. So, if there’s resentment between you and your husband or wife, then it’s a very big warning sign for your marriage.
Resentment can ruin everything a married couple might have achieved together, and it usually happens when one of them lets more bad feelings influence them.
So, if you didn’t let the bad take over you and your spouse didn’t either, then things look better than you might expect!
Keeping hope during separation
More and more divorces are happening these days. And that rate is increasing with each passing year.
But, of course, there’s still hope for your marriage, even if you’re already separated from your husband or wife. In fact, you can still get back together again as long as you continue to put in the effort and go about it the right way.
However, I know it might be hard to do that sometimes. And, if you’re having trouble keeping hope during your separation, then here are some other ideas to help you get through the rough patches:
Believe that there is still hope for your marriage. Nothing good will ever come to you if you don’t believe in it.
Also, make sure to stay motivated. Motivation is one of the most important factors in keeping hope for your marriage.
And, of course, make sure to keep yourself busy! Don’t let yourself be overcome by sadness.
Patience is also quite essential to keep hope for your marriage. Because, if you’re not patient, it can be easy to give up altogether.
Last but not least, count on the support of your family and friends. They will help you keep hope for your marriage.
When to give up on separation?
Although all the signs might point to hope in your marriage, it’s important to know when to give up on separation. As with most things in life, there is no easy answer to this question. It’s all up to you and how you feel about it.
But one important thing worth mentioning is that if your marriage hasn’t been going well in the past few years and your husband or wife doesn’t care about making things better, then it might not be worth returning to any kind of relationship with each other.
Also, there are certain signs that can tell you to give up on the idea of reconciliation. Things like physical violence aren’t good for your health or your relationship with your husband or wife.
Also, if your husband or wife is very controlling, then you might want to reconsider getting back together. You see, being controlled by your partner will make it really hard for you to keep hope in your marriage.
If things like this are happening to you and/or to either of you, then I strongly suggest that you call a professional and have him or her help you talk about that problem and try to get back on track.
What is the average length of separation before reconciliation in a marriage?
That is a very important question! How so?
Because if you know how long the average couple spends separated before reconciliation, then you’ll know what to expect and when to give up on the idea of getting back together again.
For instance, if your husband or wife has been gone for a long time and there are no signs suggesting that they are coming back anytime soon, then you might as well give up on reconciliation and see what else life has to offer.
Statistically speaking, the average separation of a married couple before reconciliation is between 6 to 8 months.
Now, don’t panic if you and your spouse are separated for longer! This doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s no hope for your marriage anymore. Each person has his or her own pace when it comes to making decisions, realizing things, and making progress.
All these things take time, and if you and your spouse are serious about making things work, then you don’t need to hurry it.
There is hope for your marriage. Now what?
Hopefully, by now you’ve got a better idea of the positive signs during separation, that there is hope for your marriage.
But if you’re still unsure of how to go about resolving your marriage issues, I’d recommend checking out this excellent video by marriage expert Brad Browning.
I mentioned him above; he’s worked with thousands of couples to help them reconcile their differences.
From infidelity to lack of communication, Brad’s got you covered with the common (and peculiar) issues that crop up in most marriages.
So if you’re not ready to give up on yours yet, click the link below and check out his valuable advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder