“Do you love me”? 9 phrases people with low self-esteem say in relationships

Have you ever been in a relationship where your other half is always asking if you love them? Or maybe you’re the one always asking that question? 

If you answered ‘Yes’ to either of these questions, then there might be an underlying lack of self-esteem at play here.

This is an issue many of us have experienced but few want to admit – of course, it’s hard to admit that we aren’t as confident as we want to be.

But it’s crucial to bring it into the open because it can seriously affect the quality of our relationships.

In this article, we’ll be looking at “Do you love me?” and eight other phrases that people with low self-esteem often say in their relationships.

By understanding these phrases and where they’re coming from, we can start to build more secure relationships that are based on trust, love, and mutual respect. Let’s dive in!

1) “Do you love me?”

This question might seem sweet and romantic at first, but when asked repeatedly, it can be a sign of low self-esteem.

People who struggle with self-worth often need constant reassurance of their partner’s love. They worry that they’re not lovable enough, and they look to their partner to alleviate those insecurities.

If you find yourself or your partner asking this question often, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart about self-esteem and confidence in the relationship.

2) “I’m sorry”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m sorry”. In fact, when it’s called for, we really should know how to apologize. 

However, it becomes a problem when it’s said too often, even for things that aren’t their fault.

People with low self-esteem may feel like they’re always doing something wrong, and they constantly apologize to avoid conflict or rejection.

Apologies are important when you’ve made a mistake, but excessive apologizing can be a sign of feeling unworthy or inadequate. 

3) “You’re too good for me”

I remember one of my previous partners would often say, “You’re too good for me.” At first, I thought it was just their way of expressing love or being humble.

But over time, I realized it was coming from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem.

They constantly felt they were not enough for me, which reflected their own self-perception rather than our actual relationship.

This phrase can be a clear sign that someone is battling with low self-esteem and may need support to build their self-worth.

4) “I don’t deserve you”

Similar to “You’re too good for me”, this phrase is a common one among people with low self-esteem in relationships.

According to Marriage.com, partners with low self-esteem tend to constantly need an “emotional fix”.

Instead of finding a solution for their problems, they depend on their partner’s reassurance. Not only that, but they also think way too little of themselves and give their partners too much credit. 

That’s why they might say “I don’t deserve you,” and this next phrase, too…

5) “I’m not good enough”

Think about those moments when someone you care for deeply looks at you with a heavy heart and says, “I’m not good enough.”

It can be heartbreaking to hear. This phrase, often whispered more to themselves than to others, shows a real struggle with self-esteem.

I had an ex who was like this; he often felt inadequate in his abilities. I had to constantly remind him of his unique strengths and that he didn’t need to do anything to deserve love and respect.

6) “Why do you even like me?”

pic1717 “Do you love me”? 9 phrases people with low self-esteem say in relationships

Another question my ex would always ask me was this —”Why do you even like me?” It was as if he couldn’t see any reasons someone would be attracted to him.

At first, I found it cute, and I loved pointing out reason after reason.

But after a while, I could see that the question didn’t come from curiosity. Rather, it came from a place of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

For people with low self-esteem, this was their way of trying to understand what their partners saw in them because they struggled to see it in themselves.

If you hear this phrase often, it could be a sign that your partner is grappling with feelings of low self-worth.

7) “I always mess things up”

Listen, we’ve all had those days where it feels like nothing’s going right.

But when someone consistently believes they’re the one who’s always messing things up, that’s a red flag for low self-esteem.

They’re not just having a bad day; they see themselves as the common denominator in all their problems. They’re convinced they’re a walking disaster and it’s only a matter of time before they ruin their relationship too. 

It’s a tough place to be in, and if your partner often says this, they might need help seeing the good in themselves again.

8) “I’m always the problem”

And its sister, “I just can’t do anything right.”

It probably comes as no surprise that people with self-esteem would say something like this. That’s why they say “I’m sorry” too much, remember?

According to Kendra Cherry of VeryWellMind, people with low self-esteem engage in negative self-talk. They focus on their flaws rather than their strengths. 

And when things go wrong, the first person they’d blame is themselves.

That’s why it’s crucial to remind them that relationships are a two-way street and problems usually involve both parties, not just one person.

9) “You’ll leave me eventually”

So, because people with low self-esteem don’t see themselves as someone worth loving, their natural assumption would be that their partner would eventually leave them.

In their minds, they might even think, “Why would they stay for someone like me when they’ve got so many better choices out there?”

This constant fear of abandonment stems from their low self-esteem. They feel they are not good enough to be loved long-term.

If you or your partner often express this fear, it could be a sign of low self-esteem, and addressing it could lead to a healthier and more secure relationship.

Final thoughts

It’s clear that low self-esteem isn’t just a battle with one’s self-image, but a deeper struggle to find and affirm one’s value in the world.

If you find yourself in this narrative, remember, you’re not alone. Countless others are walking this path, each with their unique story and challenges.

But here’s the hopeful part – change is absolutely possible.

It’s important to acknowledge that the journey towards higher self-esteem is not a linear one. There will be days of doubt and setbacks, but each step, no matter how small, is a victory in its own right.

Celebrate your progress, and don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned.

Seeking professional help, like therapy, can provide you with tailored strategies to overcome personal hurdles, and there’s incredible strength in admitting you need that support.

Finally, think about this — you are so much more than your self-esteem. You are a person with dreams, talents, and an ability to make a positive impact in your own life and in the lives of others. Every person’s contribution to the world is unique and invaluable, and that includes yours.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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