6 phrases men with low emotional intelligence use in relationships (without realizing their impact)

The importance of emotional intelligence cannot be overstated. It’s fundamental in the way we interact with others and has a lot of impact on our relationships as well.

Unfortunately, some people enter relationships without developing a decent sense of emotional intelligence, to the point where they tend to say or do things that hurt their partners – sometimes even unknowingly.

Today we’ll learn 6 phrases that men with low emotional intelligence often use in their relationships, without realizing their impact.

1) “You’re just overreacting.”

This is a classic gaslighting phrase that people with low emotional intelligence often use. They make light of the problems their partners are facing and assume that their partners should be better equipped to handle the issue at hand.

The worst part is that they often respond with this after their partner has shared a particular struggle they’re facing, in the hopes of receiving words of encouragement.

Instead, all they get is a flippant response that accuses them of overreacting.

When men use this phrase, it invalidates their partners’ feelings and indirectly tells them that they do not care about what they’re going through.

They may not be aware of how their partners made them feel and may have said those words because they feel that their partner truly overreacted to something they perceive to be not that serious.

But people have the right to feel the way they want to, hence using this phrase is not only insensitive, it’s also incredibly hurtful, as he doesn’t attempt to understand just how much a particular situation can affect his partner’s feelings.

2) “Why are you so sensitive?”

Another phrase emotionally unintelligent men use is to ask their partners why they’re being so sensitive, especially when they get angry.

I’ve seen this happen multiple times when couples get upset at each other. One would shoot back with this phrase, which does nothing to solve the problem. Instead, it aggravates the other person and stokes tensions even further.

By using this phrase, these men indirectly tell their partners that their emotional response is irrational and unnecessary.

They could genuinely be asking why their partners are so sensitive that they’re feeling the way they do to a situation that doesn’t warrant it.

But if they placed themselves in their partners’ shoes, they may understand how much the situation is affecting them.

Imagine pouring out your troubles to your partner only to have him wave it off by telling you that you’re the problem instead. 

How much more hurt or angry would you feel?

3) “This is the way I am.”

While it’s important to remain true to yourself, we still have to make compromises in relationships in areas that our partners may not like about us.

Perhaps you may have highlighted aspects of your partner that you feel should be improved such as his temper, patience, or the way he treats people.

Instead of taking it in stride, he responds by saying that he will not change because this is the way he is. To him, he may see it as standing by his principles and not changing for the sake of his partner.

But he’s indirectly telling you that you’re not that important to him. He may simply not respect you as a partner at all as well.

People with a decent amount of self-awareness and emotional intelligence would understand that their actions have consequences, and it’s necessary to tweak our actions so that we do not unintentionally hurt the people around us.

Moreover, in a relationship, there will be areas that you will have to compromise on because no two people are the same.

4) “Why can’t you just be happy?”

youre in a toxic relationship even if your partner says they love you 6 phrases men with low emotional intelligence use in relationships (without realizing their impact)

If only life was as simple as this!

If only with a flip of a switch we’re able to ‘just be happy’ and forget all of our problems.

But life doesn’t work this way, and responding in this manner when someone talks about their issues reveals a person’s lack of emotional intelligence.

Men who use this phrase often aren’t aware that this is not an appropriate way to respond to their partners who talk about their problems.

They may be genuinely asking why their partner seems to have low moods all the time, but this is a perfect example of what not to do.

It puts the blame on their partners for feeling unhappy about things. I know a friend who had a partner with a severe lack of emotional intelligence.

She was going through a difficult time at work and would come home defeated and stressed. Thinking that he would be a pillar of support, she opened up to him explaining why she’s been feeling upset the past few weeks. 

To her shock, he simply asked her why couldn’t she just get over it and be happy instead. Rather than offering his support, he was quick to blame her inability to ‘be happy’.

Thankfully they’re no longer together, but that interaction opened her eyes to realize that she deserves someone who prioritized her. 

5) “I have no time for this.”

Everyone’s busy, I get that. Sometimes life gets so overwhelming that I have no time for the people closest to me. But the moment I have a pocket of time, I’ll make sure to spend time with them. 

Because of how much they mean to me.

On the flip side, men who lack emotional intelligence often use this phrase when they’d rather do something else than engage with their partner. This tells their partners that their feelings mean very little to them.

Although these men may simply be expressing how busy or tired they are, there’s always a better way of phrasing what they actually mean to avoid hurting their partners. 

6) “Why can’t you be more like her/him?”

Receiving this as a response after you’ve shared something vulnerable with your partner can be incredibly damaging.

Instead of validating your emotions, he compares you with someone else, indirectly telling you that you’re not as good as them.

Perhaps you gained some weight and you feel that you’re not as confident about yourself as before. And then he responds with this.

You’d definitely feel a lot worse.

This may even have harmful effects on your self-confidence and body image. It may also build up feelings of insecurity and result in you never sharing your feelings with your partner again. 

However, it could be that your partner was trying to provide a standard that you could work towards and thought that this would motivate you to become a better version of yourself.

Instead, it simply caused you to feel inadequate.

Concluding thoughts

Understanding how our words impact our partners is incredibly important. Men who aren’t able to improve their emotional intelligence can unintentionally hurt their partners, and result in broken relationships.

As a start, it’s good for them to acknowledge the impact of their actions and be willing to change. If he truly loves his partner, he would try his best to be sensitive to their feelings and change the way he acts.

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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