As manifesting does the rounds on social media, one particular video caught my idea.
In this, the girl declared that uttering words out loud has such an immense power to influence your life and dictate what happens next.
So singing your heart out to the lyrics of ‘Young Dumb & Broke’ might not serve you so well…
Whether you’re a firm believer in the power of manifestation or not, you can’t deny that truly confident people (whilst they still might be found dancing on tabletops and singing along), won’t be caught saying certain things.
Because certain phrases emanate weakness.
Nobody is 100% confident, even if they pretend to be.
And if you’re born with a natural confidence, you’re one of the lucky ones.
But if not, you can learn a lot by mimicking the truly confident to start growing some more confidence of your own.
An easy first step towards becoming self-confident is learning to let go of these top 10 phrases:
1) “I’ll try…”
Oh you’ll try to try?
Truly confident people are their own biggest supporters.
When they put their minds to something and use the abilities they have so much confidence in, it happens.
There’s no waffling about maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t.
Instead, truly confident people will either tell you they will get it done or they won’t.
On the rare occasion that a confident person tells you they’ll try in a half-hearted manner, chances are they’re not so interested in whatever you’re suggesting anyway.
2) “I don’t know, but…”
Followed by a suggestion.
I’m equally as guilty at wrapping up what I really want to say and surrounding it with all these “maybes” and “buts” and “I don’t knows” that undermine my confidence and hide what I’m trying to say.
It’s an unfortunate subconscious programming that many people learn; women in particular.
What better way to avoid being called bossy or arrogant than to hide your ideas under bundles of layers so you don’t dare come across as too opinionated
But confident people don’t shroud their emotions or requests with add-ons to make them more palatable.
They just say it how it is with pride.
Bump into me first and I’ll apologize profusely.
But I’m not saying it’s a good trait – particularly if you want to come across as poised and confident.
Don’t get this mixed up with being able to own up to your mistakes, take accountability, and resolve conflict.
However, by prefacing any statement or request with something like, “sorry, can I borrow you for a minute”, makes you sound trivial and unimportant.
Even “borrow” isn’t good to use, since it makes you sound unworthy of their time.
Instead, own it.
Maintain respect and manners when speaking to someone, particularly when asking a favor of someone theoretically above you, but do so in a manner that shows you’re confident in yourself and have no doubt about that.
4) “I can’t”
If you truly believe in yourself and your abilities, you’re not going to be found telling people you can’t do something.
You might acknowledge that it’ll be a struggle if it’s not your forte.
But you definitely won’t be caught coming straight out of the boxes telling people you absolutely can’t and you’re not even going to try.
Confidence comes from knowing that you either have the skills it takes, or if not, you’ll be able to find a new path to secure you the required end goal.
Throwing your hands up and admitting defeat before even trying is hardly a sign of that well-respected confidence we’re after.
5) “OMG, thank you sooooo much! You’re amazing! I can’t believe you did this for me!”
Gushing is a big no.
Unless you’re bumping into your celebrity crush and your inner fangirl comes out to play, keep praising and thank-yous to a polite and cordial minimum.
Partake in them, for sure.
No one likes an individual who glosses over the favors others perform for them or forgets to say thank you.
But at the same time, confident people don’t overdo the thanks.
They keep it short, sweet, and sincere.
To blather on with obsequious praise is a sign of insecurity, which truly confident people will always avoid.
6) “I think…”
But to stick this on to the beginning of a point you’re trying to make diminishes its worth so monumentally.
It’s also a technique used by the insecure to broadcast the message, “you don’t actually need to listen to what I’m saying though, it’s only my opinion! Don’t mind little old me!”
This is typically employed because they’re scared of the rejection or backlash they might face in voicing their ideas.
Obviously, don’t go around throwing about statements that you actually have no factual evidence to support, as you’ll end up sounding pretty dumb.
But where you do have a solid opinion (which is largely emboldened by having done your research), avoid belittling how you present these ideas by stating the obvious.
7) “I guess”
Confident people don’t guess.
They either know, or they don’t.
The umming and ahhing in between shows either indecisiveness, or a lack of confidence in your answer.
Does that sound like a confident answer to you?
It’s also frustrating to go round in circles with someone who answers “I guess”.
“Do you want to grab sushi for dinner?”
“Fancy coming to see this exhibition at the weekend?”
“Do you think we’ve resolved this argument properly?”
Confident people don’t get stuck in mumbly, half-hearted replies.
Instead, they respond with conviction and will tell you outright what they want to eat, whether they want to attend said exhibition, or if there’s anything that’s been left unsaid.
8) “I’m fine!”
When you are in fact very much not fine.
Pasting a smile on your face and pretending to be okay when you’re harboring resentment or feel like you’ve been wronged is a tactic used by those who are afraid of conflict and err on the more insecure side of character.
I’m not saying that truly confident people will pull out their fists and get ready to fight at the slightest disagreement (as is usually the technique used by equally insecure people in an attempt to protect their pride).
They will however have no problem in addressing conflict, particularly when they know that they’ve been in some way disrespected.
9) “Does that make sense?”
You’re sitting down with the President.
He’s giving you the rundown on some top secret mission that you’ve been placed in charge of.
It’s all very important and official.
So does he finish giving you the rundown with, “does that make sense?”
Finishing your sentence or ideas with this type of statement gives the impression that you’re not even wholly convinced that you make sense.
And that hardly exudes confidence.
10) “…if you know what I mean.”
You’re just asking for validation at this point.
Maybe they know what you mean, maybe they don’t.
But you don’t need filler phrases like this to try and squeeze a bit of affirmation from whoever you’re speaking to.
It’s like begging for scraps – which confident people don’t do.
Instead, they’ll present their ideas plainly and cohesively, and allow for any feedback or questions after.
If you don’t yet consider yourself a truly confident individual, don’t worry.
You might not be able to walk the walk (yet), but you can talk the talk.
Start considering which of these phrases and filler words you pepper into your own conversations.
Many of these will be happening subconsciously, so you might need to be extra careful with keeping an eye (or ear) on how you engage in conversations and what phrases you’re using.
Start a slow elimination process.
Don’t be afraid of catching yourself out mid-speech if you find yourself saying one of the above and doubling back on what you say.
And don’t forget to extend the same tone of self-assurance and confidence to your formal emails – exclamation marks and filler words can come across as just as insecure online!