People who fear commitment but deny it usually display these subtle behaviors early in the relationship

Navigating the sea of dating can be quite a challenge, especially when you’re not entirely sure what you’re dealing with.

You see, some people fear commitment but are also excellent at denying it. This can make it hard to spot their aversion at first glance.

However, they usually display certain subtle behaviors early in the relationship that can give them away. In this article I’ll share these signs with you.

1) They’re always busy

We all have busy lives, right? But when it comes to someone who fears commitment, they tend to take busy to a whole new level.

These folks are the masters of multitasking and over-scheduling. There’s always something going on, another task to complete, another appointment to attend.

This constant busyness serves as a perfect shield. It allows them to avoid deep emotional connection or serious discussions about the future of the relationship.

While it’s completely normal for people to have full lives and commitments outside of their relationship, it’s crucial to look at the pattern.

If your partner is consistently too busy to spend quality time with you or talk about the relationship, they might be subtly displaying their fear of commitment.

However, remember that it’s not a definitive sign, but rather something that could suggest a deeper issue if seen persistently.

2) They evade deep conversations

Remember that one time I was dating someone who would consistently evade any conversation that veered towards emotions or the future? It was quite a puzzle at first.

Even simple questions about how they felt about something or what they thought about our future plans together would be met with vague responses, a swift change of topic, or they’d turn it into a joke.

It was their way of maintaining distance and avoiding commitment. They feared getting too emotionally involved, so they kept things light and avoided any profound discussions about us or our relationship.

Looking back, their constant dodging of such conversations was a subtle behavior indicating their fear of commitment. If you notice this pattern early in your relationship, it might be a similar case. Being aware of it can save you from potential heartache.

3) They’ve never had a long-term relationship

People who fear commitment often have a history of short-term relationships. Even into their late 20s or 30s, they may not have had a relationship that lasted longer than a few months.

Interestingly, a study by the Pew Research Center found that 61% of single adults hadn’t lived with a partner or been in a committed relationship for more than five years. This could be due to various reasons, but fear of commitment is definitely one of them.

If your partner has a string of short-lived relationships, it could be an early sign that they struggle with commitment. While it’s not always the case, it’s something worth considering.

4) They’re indecisive about the relationship

Indecision can be a subtle sign of commitment fear. People who fear commitment often oscillate between wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be single.

One day, they might be extremely affectionate, making you feel like you’re the center of their world. The next day, they might act distant, as if they’re contemplating whether or not they want to be in the relationship.

This push and pull can be confusing and emotionally draining. If you notice this pattern, it might be an early indication of a fear of commitment. It’s crucial to communicate your concerns and see if you both can work towards a resolution.

5) They avoid meeting your friends and family

Meeting someone’s friends and family is a significant step in a relationship. It’s like a subtle announcement that you’re committed to each other.

However, those who fear commitment often dodge these introductions. They might come up with excuses or simply express discomfort at the idea of meeting your loved ones.

Remember, it’s natural to feel a bit nervous about such meetings. But if your partner consistently avoids it, it might be an early sign of their fear of commitment. It’s essential to have an open conversation about this and understand their perspective.

6) They’re reluctant to make plans for the future

Imagine this. You’re excitedly talking about going on a summer vacation or attending a concert that’s six months away. But your partner seems uncomfortable and avoids giving a clear response.

This reluctance to make future plans can tug at your heart. It leaves you uncertain and questioning where you stand in the relationship.

People who fear commitment often find it hard to commit to future plans, even if it’s as simple as a vacation. This is because it makes the relationship feel more serious and real to them.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to express your feelings. Honest communication is key in understanding each other’s fears and expectations.

7) They’re guarded about their personal life

There was this person I was dating who seemed to have an invisible barrier around their personal life. Asking about their childhood, family, or past experiences was like trying to break down a fortress.

It wasn’t that they were secretive. Instead, it felt like they were protecting something. There was a certain level of vulnerability they weren’t ready to share, even though we were in a relationship.

This emotional guardedness can often be a subtle behavior displayed by those who fear commitment. They keep their personal life separate as a way to maintain emotional distance.

Remember, everyone has their pace when it comes to opening up. But if you notice this behavior consistently, it could indicate a fear of commitment.

8) They’re quick to find faults

Nobody’s perfect, we all know that. But have you ever been with someone who seems to magnify every little flaw or mistake?

People who fear commitment might find fault with their partner more frequently than others. This behavior serves as a defense mechanism to justify their fear of getting too involved or committed.

They might criticize minor things, like the way you cook, your fashion sense, or your taste in music. This constant nitpicking can be hurtful and may create a rift in the relationship.

If you notice this behavior early in the relationship, it could be a sign of their fear of commitment. It’s essential to address these criticisms and understand where they’re coming from.

9) They explicitly state they’re not ready for commitment

While this might not be as subtle as the other points, it’s certainly the most direct. If your partner states outright that they’re not ready for commitment or they’re not looking for anything serious, believe them.

Often, people think they can change someone’s mind with time or with love. But this can lead to disappointment and heartache.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. It’s the most genuine insight into their mindset about commitment.

Final thought: It’s about understanding

The complexities of human emotions and behavior are deeply rooted in our individual experiences and perspectives.

Fear of commitment is one such complexity. It’s not a character flaw or a choice. Often, it’s a response to past experiences or deep-seated insecurities.

Understanding these subtle behaviors is the first step towards empathy. It can foster open conversations, bridging gaps between expectations and realities in a relationship.

Remember, if you’re in a relationship with someone who fears commitment, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly. Understanding their fears and concerns can help both of you navigate the relationship better.

It’s not about changing someone or forcing a commitment. It’s about understanding each other’s fears, desires, and limitations in the pursuit of a healthier, happier relationship.

You’re now better equipped to recognize these subtle behaviors. But remember, understanding is key. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate this complex world of relationships as best as we can.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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