I don’t mean to sound all doom and gloom here, but the fact is, there are narcissists everywhere.
No culture or country or city, however remote, is exempt from having a few narcissists in the vicinity.
And some of us even end up dating them.
If this sounds familiar, don’t get too down on yourself. You’re far from alone.
Narcissists are often known to be incredibly charming and cunning, and well-meaning people like you and I can easily fall into the trap.
Unfortunately, much of the time we only realize it when the damage has already been done.
But not all is lost. Far from it.
In this article, I’ll take you through things you can do to heal from a narcissistic relationship.
Never give up hope. Let’s get to it!
1) They seek professional support
First things first. Nobody should have to recover from a narcissist’s reign of terror alone.
Although, yes it can technically be done, getting professional help from a therapist or counselor can surely expedite the healing process.
They’re experts, well aware of the damage narcissists are capable of inflicting on your self-worth.
Fresh off a toxic breakup, the emotions can be overwhelming, and debilitating.
Therapists will help clear the air.
They can offer guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to process the relationship and subsequent feelings of grief and confusion.
Another option is joining a support group.
I’ve been in support groups for other personal issues and they’ve made a profound difference in my life.
To be able to connect with others who have had similar, sometimes identical, experiences can be extremely validating, minimizing any feelings of isolation.
Nobody should have to cope alone. There’s no shame in seeking support.
2) They reconnect with their old selves
When we get too caught up in a tumultuous relationship, the tendency is to sometimes lose our sense of self in some capacity.
Unconsciously, we might sacrifice our identity to appease the narcissist.
All our energy goes into making things run smoothly, to keep the peace, that we stop being selfish.
So once you break free of the narcissist’s grip, take it as an opportunity to spend time rediscovering your personal interests, values, and goals.
Reclaim who you once were, reclaim your sense of self and purpose. Practice self-care.
Don’t let them win. Humans are resilient creatures. You’re no different.
You have it in you to regenerate and come back stronger.
3) They establish firm boundaries
Narcissists can be incredibly cunning in their methods.
You’ve already made the most crucial step by escaping their stranglehold, don’t ruin your progress by running back to them the moment they call.
You deserve better. Learn to set healthy boundaries with people, particularly your ex-partner.
I know… It may be tough at first since you are filled with emotions and feelings of longing.
But try not to rashly give in to those urges.
If you manage to make it past this hump, that in itself is a major accomplishment; you’ll gain plenty of self-respect in the process.
My long-term, narcissistic ex strung me along after we broke up.
After she ended things, she’d give me hope, asking me to meet up and rekindle, only to later change her mind, claiming I hadn’t really “changed.”
This rollercoaster went on for months. Finally, I had enough. I scrounged whatever dignity I had left and rejected her next invitation to “talk.”
Trust me, it was an incredibly difficult text to send; since every part of me wanted to be with her again.
But I couldn’t allow her to keep this toxic charade going at my expense.
Though it was tough initially, looking back, I can say that telling her “no” was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Sometimes, we surprise ourselves and how strong we can be–something that for me was a priceless revelation.
4) They create a strong support system
Take the time to process and grieve, but give yourself a deadline.
Even though you have one less narcissist in your life, a breakup will always hurt no matter which way you put it.
So once the dust settles, make it a point to get out there and reconnect with family, friends, and supportive communities.
Replace the gaping void that is your ex’s presence with something more positive and hopeful.
People you care about can help provide external support and validation–vital elements for the healing process.
5) They educate themselves about narcissism
Sometimes, particularly when a breakup is recent, we’ll get so consumed by our thoughts and ruminations that we lose objectivity.
Sometimes, we’ll even find a way to unnecessarily blame ourselves.
But once we take steps to understand the nature of narcissism, to understand that it is a real personality disorder not just an opinion, we regain clarity.
So educate yourself.
With the internet, you have unlimited resources at your disposal.
Learning more about narcissism can help you make sense of your experiences and realize that the abuse wasn’t your fault.
6) They reframe the experience
Changing your perspective on the experience can be a powerful pursuit.
Nobody is perfect; nobody is immune to making mistakes.
It’s how we respond to our shortcomings that counts in the long run.
If you look at your relationship with the narcissist from a more constructive point of view, reframing the experiences in a way that reinforces your strength and resilience, you’ll heal faster.
Forgive yourself, absorb the life lessons, and move forward.
Set goals and look forward to the future with far more hope and wisdom than before.
Who knows, the entire ordeal might just be a blessing… in its own way.
Final words
If you aren’t making mistakes, you aren’t growing.
So please do us both a favor and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Healing is no walk in the park but you can do it with enough patience and dedication.
And when you get to where you want to be, you’ll emerge a far stronger, wiser, experienced version of yourself.
Any future challenges that will invariably come your way, whether with relationships or otherwise, will be dealt with with grace and insight.
Pain is one of our greatest teachers.
So embrace it, but also seek solace in the fact that like any gash on your body, you will heal in time.
This is just another bump on the road. You got this.
