The longest study ever on happiness (by Harvard researchers) revealed a profound truth: the cornerstone of happiness lies in our relationships.
Remarkably, the quality of our relationships in middle age doesn’t just enrich our lives with joy; it also extends them. Positive relationships were, in fact, found to be a better predictor of longevity than cholesterol!
On the other hand, loneliness kills.
Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the US Surgeon General, has starkly noted, “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”
What’s more shocking is that some sources say that more than a third of adults over the age of 45 report feeling lonely, and nearly a quarter of those over 65 are considered to be socially isolated.
Piecing the research together, isolation as we get older is clearly a widespread concern that affects a significant portion of our population.
Yet, what’s often overlooked is how easily one can drift into isolation.
Sure, sometimes, it’s death, plain bad luck, and a lack of family support, but other times, it’s a series of behaviors that can gradually widen the gap between people and their social circles.
I suppose I don’t have to tell you that recognizing these behaviors early on is crucial. Relationships are key to safeguarding the well-being and ensuring a happier, longer life for the people we love and care for.
So, how do we recognize that someone is becoming more isolated?
That’s what we get into today.
1) Declining social invitations
It might seem obvious, but it’s easy to miss: declining social invitations is a significant sign that someone might be drifting toward isolation.
We’ve all been there, saying things like, “I’m just too tired today,” or “Maybe next time, I’ve got so much on my plate right now.” While these excuses can be perfectly valid on occasion, when they become the norm rather than the exception, they might indicate a deeper issue.
Consistently turning down offers to meet up or participate in group activities can establish a hard-to-break pattern. Over time, these missed connections accumulate, leading to a shrinking social circle and fewer opportunities to engage with others.
This cycle, once started, can be difficult to reverse and might result in increased feelings of loneliness and isolation.
How to help someone with this
If you notice a friend or loved one frequently declining invitations, it’s essential to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding. Here are a few ways to help:
- Start a conversation: Open up a dialogue to express your concerns gently. It’s not about accusing them of being antisocial but showing that you’ve noticed a change and you’re there to support them.
- Offer low-key alternatives: Big social gatherings can be overwhelming. Suggesting quieter, more intimate settings might be more appealing and less daunting.
- Be consistent but patient: Continue to extend invitations without pressuring them. Knowing they’re included and wanted can make all the difference, even if they don’t immediately take up the offer.
- Encourage them to share: Sometimes, there might be underlying reasons for their reluctance. Encourage them to share their feelings, and be a supportive listener.
By staying attuned to these subtle changes in behavior and offering a supportive hand, we can help our friends and loved ones maintain the social connections that are so vital to their happiness and well-being.
2) An increasing reliance on digital communication
Here’s a fact you might not have expected: a study conducted during COVID found that virtual contact was worse than no contact for people over 60.
That’s right; worse than no contact at all.
And it turns out the experts were as surprised as you probably are. One of them, stated, “We were surprised by the finding that an older person who had only virtual contact during lockdown experienced greater loneliness and negative mental health impacts than an older person who had no contact with other people at all.”
This discovery confirms the irreplaceable value of face-to-face interaction.
While digital communication tools like email, texting, and video calls have undoubtedly bridged vast distances and brought people closer in many ways, they cannot fully replicate the warmth, intimacy, and subtleties of in-person conversations.
For older adults, in particular, a reliance on digital communication can inadvertently lead to a shallowing of relationships and a sense of isolation, even in a sea of online “connections.”
How to help someone with this
If you notice someone leaning heavily on digital forms of communication, consider these approaches to gently nudge them towards more fulfilling, face-to-face interactions:
- Emphasize quality over quantity: Encourage them to prioritize in-person meetings over online interactions. Even if it means seeing fewer people, the depth of these interactions can be far more enriching.
- Plan in-person activities that align with their interests: Organize small gatherings or outings based on their hobbies and interests. The allure of engaging in a beloved activity can often outweigh the reluctance to step out.
- Educate on the value of face-to-face contact: Share insights and information on the benefits of real-world interactions, such as the study mentioned, to help them understand the importance of balancing digital and in-person communication.
3) Withdrawing from community or volunteering activities
Pulling back from community engagement or volunteering efforts can also have a significant impact on an individual’s social network and overall sense of belonging.
When someone steps away from these communal roles, they lose out on a wealth of social interaction and the deep sense of fulfillment that comes from being part of something larger than oneself.
Take Blue Zones, for instance, which are regions around the world where people live significantly longer lives than the rest of the world. One of the common characteristics observed in these zones is a very strong sense of community.
People in Blue Zones often engage deeply with their community through regular social activities, communal eating, and participating in local events, which seems to contribute to their longevity and happiness.
How to help someone with this
Re-engaging someone in the community or volunteering activities can reinvigorate their social life and overall well-being. Here’s how you can help:
- Identify interests: Start by identifying causes or activities they feel passionate about. This personal connection can serve as a strong motivator for re-engagement.
- Start small: Recommend small, manageable ways they can start contributing again, such as participating in a local clean-up day or attending a community meeting.
- Find age-friendly opportunities: Look for volunteering opportunities specifically designed for older adults, where they can feel more comfortable and relate to their peers.
- Emphasize the social aspect: Highlight the social benefits of these activities, focusing on the new friendships and connections that can be made.
- Join them: Offer to participate in community activities with them. Having a familiar face in the crowd can make the experience less intimidating and more enjoyable.
4) Relying heavily on a small social circle
Does that someone you’re thinking of tend to stick closely to a very small group of friends or family for all their social needs?
While having a tight-knit circle can provide a strong sense of security and belonging, putting all one’s social eggs in a very limited basket carries its own set of risks.
Life is unpredictable, and changes such as relocation, health issues, or even falling outs can dramatically alter one’s social landscape overnight. When someone relies too heavily on this small circle, any change can leave a gaping hole in their social life, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
This issue isn’t confined to personal relationships, either. Some people lean on their workplace for the majority of their social interactions. While work can indeed be a great place to form meaningful connections, over-reliance on it can be risky.
Changes in employment status, retirement, or shifts in the work environment can suddenly cut off this vital social lifeline, leaving individuals feeling disconnected and isolated.
How to help someone with this
If you recognize this pattern in someone’s life, there are several ways you can offer support:
- Encourage diversification: Gently encourage them to broaden their social network. This could involve joining clubs, groups, or activities that align with their interests, where they can meet new people outside of their usual circle.
- Highlight the importance of varied social sources: Discuss the benefits of having a diverse range of social connections, including different perspectives, experiences, and forms of support.
- Support in exploring new interests: Sometimes, taking up a new hobby or interest can open doors to new social circles. Offer to explore these new avenues with them, providing a sense of security as they branch out.
- Facilitate connections: If possible, introduce them to new people within your own network. Sometimes, having a mutual connection can make the process of widening one’s social circle feel less daunting.
By encouraging someone to gently expand their social horizons, you can help them build a more resilient and fulfilling network of relationships, safeguarding against the potential isolation that comes with relying too heavily on a small social circle.
5) Giving up hobbies they once loved
It’s not uncommon for people to step away from hobbies and activities they once loved, especially as they get older.
Physical limitations can play a significant role in this change; for instance, an elderly person who once loved playing golf might find it increasingly difficult to engage in the sport due to health issues or mobility challenges.
This gradual disengagement means losing not only the activity itself but also the social interactions that come with it. The camaraderie and friendships forged on the golf course or any similar hobby are invaluable, and losing these can significantly impact one’s social life and sense of community.
But it’s not just the elderly who face this issue. Even younger individuals might find themselves giving up hobbies they’re passionate about due to increasing work commitments, life pressures, or health.
As a thirty-something-year-old, most of my friends have given up team sports like rugby and football, which they love but can no longer do due to fitness, consistent injury, or family commitments.
The end result is the same: a shrinkage in their social circle and opportunities for casual, enjoyable social interaction.
How to help someone with this
Helping someone reconnect with their interests or find new hobbies can reignite their social life and overall happiness. Here’s how you can assist:
- Adapt the hobby: Look for ways to adapt their former hobbies to their current physical capabilities. For example, if they can no longer play golf, perhaps they take on a mentorship role for younger players.
- Explore related activities: Find related but less physically demanding activities that allow them to stay connected to their community. For example, if they can’t participate in a sport, they might enjoy being a spectator.
- Encourage new hobbies: Help them discover new hobbies that align with their current abilities and interests. This can also lead to new social circles and friendships.
The bottom line
That wraps it up for today, folks.
Isolation is a big problem these days, but if we all do our part, we can help keep the people we care for happier and healthier.
As always, I hope you found value in this post.
Until next time.
