People who are truly committed to their relationship never display these 11 behaviors

It can be hard to know how committed someone really is to a relationship.

Sure, they may say all the right things, promising you that they are in this all the way. But unfortunately, that doesn’t mean it’s true.

Sometimes people lie to their partners because they want what they can get from them, whether it’s sex, money, or validation.

And sometimes, people even lie to themselves. Wanting to be in a committed relationship can make people lie to themselves about how enthusiastic they are about the relationship they are in.

Plus, the fear of being alone may make someone pretend to be committed to a relationship that isn’t really fulfilling their needs.

If you can’t trust what someone says, what can you do to know if they are committed to a relationship with you?

Well, there are some behaviors that people who are really invested in a relationship will never do. Keep an eye out for these, because if you see them, it’s a sign that your partner may not be as committed as you might like.

1) Violate trust

Trust is absolutely crucial in a relationship, especially a committed one. In fact, if you can’t trust your partner, it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship.

And yet, people make this mistake all the time.

You see, sometimes people really, really want something to be true. They really want to be in a committed relationship with someone who loves and respects them, and so they will tell themselves they are, even when they’re not.

There are lots of ways a person can violate trust. Cheating on you is perhaps the most obvious example, but there are so many other ways for a person to be dishonest.

They may hide money. They may lie to you about who they spend time with. They may talk about you behind your back.

Ultimately, how they betray your trust doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you gave them your trust, and they broke it.

That’s a sacred bond, so if someone does that to you, you can be sure they are not committed to having a relationship with you.

2) Take their partner for granted

This one isn’t quite as clear-cut, because taking things for granted comes very naturally to most of us.

After all, we live in a world that our ancestors would barely have believed possible, but we take it for granted that clean drinking water comes out of our taps and that we can communicate with people across the world with a tiny device in our pockets.

The same applies in our relationships with other people.

When you first meet someone, you can be absolutely swept away with all their good qualities. But once you’ve entered a committed relationship and they have become a daily part of your life, those good qualities just become background noise.

You take it for granted that he makes you laugh. You take it for granted that she supports you emotionally.

Unfortunately, this can be the kiss of death for a relationship.

It takes a lot of effort not to take your partner for granted. But if someone is committed to your relationship, they will do everything they can to keep that complacency from coming into their relationship with you.

3) Dismiss their partner’s feelings

Ultimately, relationships are supposed to be a safe place where we can be fully ourselves with another person. That means being emotionally vulnerable and sharing how we truly feel.

But when a person dismisses those feelings, they show that they are not really committed to having a beneficial relationship with you.

“Invalidation and dismissal can impact a person’s ability to regulate their own emotions and responses,” writes therapist Alan Tsang. “In general, the effects of constant dismissal can also result in a disconnect from strong self-worth and can lead to a tendency for pushing away our own feelings of validity.”

Someone committed to you and your relationship together would never want to make you feel that way. So if someone minimizes or dismisses your feelings, it’s a good sign that they aren’t in this for the long haul.

4) Prioritize their needs

We all have different needs. And it’s important to remember that no healthy relationship should require you to ignore your own needs for the sake of the other person.

At the same time, being in a committed relationship requires at least some effort to prioritize the needs of your partner over your own, at least some of the time.

For example, I’m a classic introvert. My wife requires more social interaction than I do, but there are lots of occasions you can’t really go to alone.

So sometimes, I put aside my introvert’s desire to be by myself and accompany her to parties and other gatherings that I would really rather not attend.

She knows that when I do that, I’m making a sacrifice for her. And believe me, she makes plenty for me in return.

5) Ignore boundaries

Boundaries are the firm lines we draw to tell other people how to treat us in a relationship. They are not about controlling the behavior of another person. Instead, they are about demonstrating the kind of behavior we will and won’t tolerate ourselves.

And people in a relationship ignore boundaries at huge risk.

“Most of the dysfunctional inter-dynamics of relationship are based on the fact that one or both people in this relationship is not being authentic—therefore, not asserting boundaries,” writes counselor Andrea Mathews. “Owning them will not only make you more authentic, but it will enhance those relationships that are real, and rid you of those that are dysfunctional, even damaging.”

pic1721 People who are truly committed to their relationship never display these 11 behaviors

6) Fight dirty

Even in the most harmonious relationship, disagreements and arguments happen from time to time.

The key to maintaining a committed relationship is that each of you resist the urge to fight dirty.

That means you don’t escalate the issue you are arguing about and make it about something else. You don’t call each other names or attack each other’s insecurities.

You disagree in a healthy way and stick to the issue that is causing friction.

If someone doesn’t do that, if they prefer to go on the attack and try to make you feel bad, it’s probably because they are not as committed to the relationship as you would like them to be.

7) Cheat

This is a fairly obvious one. And here, I’m talking about cheating in its broadest sense.

If the two of you are in a monogamous relationship, the other person should not be looking elsewhere for their sexual or romantic needs. That’s a hard line.

And even in nonmonogamous relationships, it’s possible to cheat by going outside the boundaries the two of you have defined the relationship you share.

8) Make threats

A person who is committed to a relationship with you should never threaten you. Whether it’s with leaving you all with physical harm, threats have no place in a loving relationship.

Someone who loves you should never want to hurt you, whether physically or emotionally. If they threaten you that they will, you can guarantee they are not committed to making you happy.

9) Refuse to compromise

All relationships require compromise. No matter how independent you may be, you’re going to have to occasionally sacrifice some of what you want to make the other person happy.

But that needs to go both ways.

A relationship where only one partner compromises while the other gets what they want all the time is not a relationship made to last. And if someone is committed to building a relationship with you, they should have no problem compromising occasionally on things that matter to you.

10) Keep score

Keeping score in a relationship is another highly destructive behavior.

A relationship requires give-and-take. And doing things for your partner is not supposed to be a way of getting them in your debt.

Bringing up things they’ve done for you or things you failed to do for them in the past shows you that someone is more interested in keeping score of who is winning the relationship than someone who actually wants to commit to building something together.

11) Isolate you

Finally, someone who loves you wants you to grow and be happy. That means they will do everything in their power to enhance your life, rather than minimize it.

Abusive people often try to isolate their partners from their friends, family, and support network. That way, they make their partner rely completely on them, which makes them easier to control.

Someone committed to you and your relationship will never do this. Instead, they will want you to maintain and enhance your life apart from them to make you a more well-rounded person.

Signs of someone who is not committed

A person can say all the right things. But ultimately, it’s how we act that defines us.

A person committed to making you happy will never engage in these behaviors. So if your partner does, you’re right to ask yourself how committed they can really be to the relationship you share.

Picture of Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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