People who are kind to you but mean to the waiter usually have these 8 character traits

So you’re on a date with someone – and they seem great! They have a winning smile, a great laugh, and (so far) they’ve been pretty nice to you.

The only thing is, every time the waiter drops by, they’re rude as hell. They’re blunt, they don’t say please or thank you, and they bark orders at them like a bad boss!

Be careful of these kinds of people. While they may seem good at heart, or just cutely nervous, this probably isn’t the case.

Usually, they have certain character traits that make them the way they are. And these traits can be bad, bad news in a relationship – romantic or otherwise!

Let’s get into what these traits are…

Up first:

1) They think highly of themselves

And not in a good way! I’m a firm believer that we should all be our own biggest fans. We should believe in ourselves and think we’re good/worthy of nice things.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you can end up with low self-esteem; thinking you’re not good enough or attractive enough to have nice things in life.

But (and it’s a big but!) there’s a difference between having self-confidence and thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Someone who’s kind to you but mean to the waiter won’t know the difference.

They won’t think highly of themselves in a nice, modern, “self-care” kind of way. They’ll think it in a way that makes them believe they’re better than everyone else!

2) They feel entitled to good things (and good service!)

Like I said, you should believe that you’re worthy of good things. If I lived every day thinking that I didn’t deserve to have a good day, I’d probably feel secretly unhappy with my life.

But the above example means you have a positive mindset and strong inner confidence.

People who are kind to you and mean to the waiter don’t have this same positive energy. They feel entitled to good things. And being entitled is never a good thing…

It means you feel like you deserve good things just because of who you are. And that you shouldn’t have to work hard to receive nice things.

People who are rude to waiting staff are entitled; there’s no question about it.

They feel like the staff should do things for them because of who they are. And they think that they don’t need to be respectful, kind, or even polite to get the service they feel like they deserve.

3) They have a short fuse

Imagine you’re standing in the supermarket queue. Someone in front of you gets out a bag of coins and starts counting their pennies to pay for their shopping. The person behind you explodes in anger; shouting, sighing, and complaining to anyone who will listen about “How long this is going to take!”.

This person has a short fuse. They can’t control their anger, and the slightest of problems causes a major reaction in them.

If someone is rude to the waiting staff, they probably have a short fuse just like the person described above does. And the only reason they’re being nice to you right now is because they want to impress you…

4) They’re very impatient

Most of the time, impatient people aren’t that bad. I do my best in life, but sometimes I get pretty impatient!

When my partner gets a letter in the mail (a huge rarity these days), I can’t wait for him to get home and open it so I can see what it’s about (spoiler alert: it’s usually his two-year reminder to book his eye test).

This kind of impatience isn’t a problem (if I do say so myself!). The problem comes when someone’s impatience makes them rude or disrespectful to others. Like if you start being rude to the waiting staff…

If the person you’re out for dinner with starts demanding to know when their dinner will be served and telling staff to hurry up, they’re definitely impatient. And instead of it being cute, they’re letting it come out of them in a nasty way…

couple talking to waiter People who are kind to you but mean to the waiter usually have these 8 character traits

5) They’re shallow

So this person is lovely to you – they’ve asked you all about your hobbies, they’ve chatted away about your job, and they’ve even complimented you once or twice.

And it’s super confusing because the waiter came by earlier and they ignored them. When they delivered the cutlery, they didn’t even acknowledge it (you said thank you). And when they order a drink they say, “Get me a [insert drink]”, instead of “Can I have a…”.

You’re right to be confused. Because this person is probably a little two-faced. And shallow.

How? Well, they’re only being nice to you because they want something from you.

Being nice to the waiter serves no purpose to them. But being nice to you means you’ll like them more, which gives them validation. It also might give them some sort of status (like the reaction they’ll get from their friends when they show them pictures of you).

This is all especially true if they find you attractive and not the waiter…

6) They lack self-esteem

So what else is a pretty obvious trait of someone who’s nice to you but rude to the waiter? Low self-esteem, is what!

Anyone who gets nasty probably lacks a bit of self-esteem. And is maybe a bit unhappy in life…

It’s like if someone at school was ever rude to you when you were younger, and your parents said, “Don’t worry, they’re just jealous of you”.

People who are cruel to the waiter are a bit like this, too. They don’t feel good about themselves and instead of working on it, they like to make themselves feel important.

So they’ll put the waiter down just because they can. And because they know that there aren’t any consequences to it.

In the sense that, if they were rude to you, you wouldn’t like them and you might walk out on the date and never agree to another ever again.

Whereas the waiter is working and has no choice but to continue to serve them. So they can be as cruel as they like and get away with it – which feeds their self-esteem and makes them feel important.

7) They crave power and control

Think about all the people in history who craved power and control. I don’t know about the ones that spring into your mind, but the ones that enter mine certainly weren’t good people!

That’s because it isn’t a good trait to crave power and control. But it’s a trait of someone who intentionally disrespects the waiter for no reason.

Why? We kind of touched upon it above. Basically, people who act like this feel important when they take advantage of others.

And let’s be clear: being rude to the waiter when you know they can’t do much about it without risking their jobs is taking advantage!

8) They lack self-awareness

The final trait of someone who’s nice to you and rude to the waiter is probably the least sinister of the bunch. Their behaviors might just be owed to a complete lack of self-awareness over how they’re acting and how it’s coming across.

For example, I dated a guy once who was pretty oblivious to most things. He always came across as rude to the servers. And my friends and family… But he was otherwise an alright guy.

When I confronted him about it once, he was shocked. He had no idea that his actions were coming across as rude. And he was actually a bit embarrassed by it.

But even so, I still didn’t agree to any more dates with him. Because even though people who lack self-awareness aren’t intentionally being rude or mean, that doesn’t make their behavior any less hurtful…

Final thoughts

If you haven’t already gathered, people who are nice to you on a date and rude to the waiter probably aren’t people you want in your life.

They’re probably very shallow, entitled, and a little insecure in themselves. And (in my humble opinion!) even if this person is nervous, trying too hard to impress you, or just a little insecure in themselves, there’s still no excuse to be rude to the waiter.

Of course, if you want to keep hanging out with them, do it. Just keep in mind that even though they’re being nice to you now, the tables might turn on you later.

And these character traits of theirs might start causing bigger issues for you both in the future…

Picture of Amy Reed

Amy Reed

Amy Reed is a content writer from London working with international brands. As an empath, she loves sharing her life insights to help others. When she’s not writing, she enjoys a simple life of reading, gardening, and making a fuss over her two cats.

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