Natasha Combrink
Respect is earned, not given. You may have heard that it’s important to respect your elders and everyone else, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work.
I know we’re all raised differently.
But regardless of how you were raised, you shouldn’t be forced to show anyone respect if they don’t do the same! And if you want those around you to treat you with respect, you need to be willing to return the favor.
There’s no handbook with a set list of rules and things you aren’t allowed to say to others.
However, if you take a moment to think before you speak, you may realize that some things just shouldn’t be said.
You simply have to teach yourself where the line is and then remind yourself not to cross it.
Here’s where respectful people generally draw the line:
1) They never mention race, politics, or religion
You’ll never hear a genuinely respectful person comment negatively about someone’s race. They know this is a sensitive matter for many.
A comment like: “You’re really pretty for a black/white person…” may sound like a compliment, but the truth is that it is rude, disrespectful, and racist.
Much less will you hear a respectful person argue with anyone about their political or religious beliefs.
They may not always agree with everyone, but they won’t use it as an excuse to treat them disrespectfully.
2) They never comment on physical features
Physical features are part of who we are, but they should never define us. Unless you’re super rich and into surgery, you can’t change most of it anyway. So why see it as flaws?
But I get it.
I can preach body positivity until I’m blue, but we all have things we absolutely hate about our looks.
And when someone comments on it, it just adds fuel to that already burning fire.
Respectful people know this. So they never comment on things you can’t change immediately.
They know that their words about your weight or crooked nose could have lasting effects on your mental health.
It might be funny at the right time, but blonde jokes are more offensive to some people than you may think!
And fat shaming isn’t the only body shaming there is. Remarks about skinny people are just as rude.
You should never comment on physical appearance. Respectful people don’t.
Want to know what else they don’t do? Well…
3) They never say anything that’ll make you feel inferior
Everyone deserves a chance in the spotlight. And it isn’t up to anyone else to decide when it’s your time to shine.
If someone’s light isn’t bright enough for you, you should never make them feel inferior or useless. This is how:
- Never tell anyone that you can do something better.
- Always give people a fair chance to prove themselves and their abilities.
- Don’t break someone down by telling them they’re not good enough.
There’s a huge difference between doing these things and motivating someone to do better. The latter is the only respectful option!
And while respectful people will motivate you to succeed, you should know that…
4) They never give unwanted advice
So unless you ask for it, you won’t receive it.
Most people always dish out advice to everyone who listens without considering that they may not need or want the advice at that moment, or ever.
Honestly.
It’s not that hard to leave new parents alone while they’re figuring things out. Wait until they ask for advice, or you realize they have the wrong info.
The same goes for those moments when someone is going through a major life event, struggling with a problem, or making a decision.
Uncalled-for advice is rarely appreciated. It’s best to refrain from giving it. That’s what a respectful person would do.
5) They never shift the blame
Constantly shifting the blame to someone else is a bad and disrespectful habit. If something is your fault, the best thing you can do is own it and face whatever consequences there are.
People will respect you more if you’re known for owning your mistakes. It’s also what respectful people do.
They don’t play the “It wasn’t me!” card.
Blame shifting is a definitive trait of narcissistic behavior too.
Genuinely respectful people won’t make you feel like you’re the one to blame, and they certainly won’t go around telling others that you are!
If someone is respectful and respects you, they’ll gladly accept what comes their way when they’re in the wrong.
6) They never say someone is crazy
Mental health is another sensitive topic, and you should always tread lightly when going there.
The thing about mental health is that it’s a silent struggle! The people closest to you could be going through something you’re entirely unaware of.
Respectful people will never make a remark that negatively touches on this subject. Like calling someone crazy or saying that people lie when they say they have mental struggles.
You also won’t catch them saying someone is being overly dramatic or overreacting when they don’t know anything about the situation.
Something that may seem minor to you could have a big impact on another person’s life. Telling them that their reaction isn’t valid is extremely rude!
7) They don’t lie
Even the tiniest fib or white lie can completely break a person’s trust. And it’s important to create a sense of trust if you want to build a relationship with someone.
Respectful people value your trust, so they’ll always be honest with you – in the best and worst situations. You can turn to them if you want the truth.
Lying is not on their agenda. It’s incredibly embarrassing being lied to, especially if everyone around you knows the truth. Respectful people don’t make fools of others, so they don’t lie.
Remember:
If someone truly cares about you, they’ll respect you enough to tell you the truth. Even if it hurts.
8) They don’t victim shame
It’s sad, but it’s true: almost everyone you meet has experienced some type of trauma.
And the thing is, everyone deals with it in their own way.
Needless to say, none of these people deserve to be victim shamed or judged.
Telling someone they were touched inappropriately because they were asking for it or their skirt was too short is never okay.
Neither is saying that someone deserved to be kidnapped or robbed because they weren’t vigilant.
Shaming someone for how they deal with trauma isn’t respectful, either. It runs deep, and you may not always agree with what someone does after experiencing it.
Someone who is genuinely respectful will allow you to deal with your trauma in your way. They’ll give you the space you need or be with you if that’s what you want.
But the one thing they’ll never do is tell you that whatever happened to you is your fault or that you deserved it because of how you dealt with it.
9) They don’t make sexist comments
Gender inequality is a major problem, and it’s a reality worldwide. Some have just accepted that it’s probably never going to change, and they’ve chosen to move on with their lives.
Others are putting their blood, sweat, and tears into breaking the cycle and ending sexism forever.
Regardless of your position in the fight, you should know that a genuinely respectful person will never say anything that’ll ignite the fire and worsen the situation.
Saying that women belong in the kitchen or men should be the sole providers for a family is nothing other than sexist.
And who wears the pants in someone else’s household really isn’t your business!
Respectful people won’t say you’re good at something… for a woman (or a man). They’ll show you respect by applauding you on your abilities without mentioning your gender.
10) They’ll never tell you to change or be more like someone else
One of the worst things you can say to someone is: “Why can’t you be more like…”
People should never aspire to be more like someone else if it means losing themselves completely. Having a role model is fine, but you should always stay true to who you are.
Remember:
It’s a privilege to be part of someone’s life, not a right. If you can’t handle someone as they are, leave. Don’t compare or belittle them.
Someone who respects you will never ask you to change who you are. In fact, they’ll encourage you to be the best version of yourself!
So, now that you know where the line is and what respectful people avoid saying, you can work on doing the same.
Some things may not be meant to be taken personally, but you could really hurt a person with your words.
You should always think about the different ways they could take it. If it’s just the tiniest bit offensive, don’t say it!
If you start watching what you say and become more respectful, chances are people will be more respectful towards you too.
But remember:
No one should force you to treat others with respect if they don’t deserve it. You can stay kind, but don’t go out of your way to be respectful if they’ll only use your goodness against you.
