7 non-obvious signs you’re in a relationship that’s built to last (according to psychology)

I don’t think investing years in a relationship that ends in heartbreak is something anyone willingly does. 

Most of us want every serious relationship we start to last.  

But it doesn’t work that way. 

Some people are simply not compatible.

Luckily, you don’t have to waste too much time trying to figure out if you and your partner are. 

Different studies show there are some signs that indicate a relationship is built to last. 

Ready to know what they are?

To start with:

According to Arthur Aron, professor of psychology, four things increase the odds of your relationship lasting

The first is when…

1) You and your partner have worked through any trauma you might have had

We all walk around with wounds from our past, whether those be from childhood or relationships. Usually, people move from one partner to another without addressing their trauma. 

This unresolved trauma then manifests as trust issues, emotional detachment, or even unintentional projection within the relationship. 

Misunderstandings and huge fights are typical results.

You see, the emotional baggage from unaddressed trauma also blocks personal growth. 

And without growth, relationships can’t last. 

Now, I’m not saying that relationships can’t work unless you tackle these issues. But they definitely won’t reach their full potential. 

So, if you and your partner have worked through past traumas – individually or together – it’s a major sign that your relationship has the resilience and depth to last. 

Facing these issues requires trust, support, patience, understanding, and vulnerability.

And finding acceptance and love despite sharing your deepest fears and hurt creates intimacy and an emotional bond like nothing else. 

The same is true if…

2) Open communication isn’t an issue for either one of you

Having a really open communication style in your relationship is a great way to increase the chances of it lasting. 

And if things aren’t working out, you’ll have an easier, clean break. 

You see, open communication means both you and your partner feel comfortable expressing your true thoughts and feelings. You know there won’t be any judgment or pettiness. 

Transparency and feeling safe when communicating also make it easier to handle issues and misunderstandings. That’s why an open communication style helps resolve minor problems before they escalate into bigger things. 

When you can talk about anything and everything, you’re more likely to be your authentic self, which greatly contributes to long-term satisfaction and happiness. 

If you can’t communicate like this in your relationship, misunderstandings will happen more frequently, and resentment could build over time. 

Without open communication, you’ll probably also end up feeling lonely and disconnected even when you’re physically together. 

3) You’re both confident and know your worth

It’s a well-known fact that when you’re self-aware and have good self-esteem, you’re less likely to rely on your relationship for your sense of identity and self-worth.

So, if you and your partner are both confident and don’t question your worth, your relationship will benefit a ton. Here are some ways:

  • You’ll be able to set and respect boundaries.
  • You won’t feel intimated by each other’s growth and independence outside the relationship.
  • When there are arguments, you’ll be less likely to resort to destructive behaviors that can impact trust and intimacy over time. 

Truth is, most relationships have challenges because the people in them lack confidence and self-awareness. 

People with low self-esteem usually depend too heavily on their partner for validation and happiness. This can put a huge strain on the relationship.

It can also lead to jealousy, clinginess, and a fear of abandonment – all things that can push someone away.

Confidence can help you develop a deeper, more genuine connection with each other. 

If you’re in a relationship where both you and your partner feel comfortable to be yourself and know your worth, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll thrive together. 

4) Neither of you have a lot of stress

he is ready for a committed monogamous relationship 7 non-obvious signs you're in a relationship that's built to last (according to psychology)

High-stress levels can make you irritable and lead to conflict since you may unintentionally take your frustrations out on your partner. 

When left unmanaged, this can quickly mean the end of your relationship.

Many things cause stress. Finances, work pressure, health concerns, and family dynamics – to name a few. 

But when there’s good communication, little or no insecurities, and emotional intelligence present, you’re less likely to have any!

So, if you and your partner have a relationship that feels safe, you’ll probably spend a lifetime together. 

Low stress makes it easier to be optimistic, experience joy, and feel relaxed when together. 

Simply put, couples who effectively manage stress without allowing it to seep into their relationship have a deeper emotional connection than those who don’t. 

And with this, a relationship is more likely to last. 

5) You share seemingly insignificant rituals

Another psychological finding is that small rituals make relationships feel more exclusive. 

The ritual itself is of little importance, though. It’s all about intentional moments that increase intimacy and strengthen the bond that ties you and your partner. 

You might have a specific way of saying goodbye or go on weekly dates. Maybe you have a no-phone policy over weekends or always make dinner together. 

Whatever you do, having rituals is a massive sign that your relationship is built to last. 

Besides being cute, rituals also establish consistency and predictability. 

Some people might think this will make their relationship boring, but it can be super comforting and contribute to a strong, secure attachment. 

Couples without rituals miss out on the sense of a shared journey. Their relationships often also lack personalized depth and character. 

I’m not saying relationships without rituals aren’t healthy or won’t last. 

But when you do have some, there’s a better chance that your partner will always feel like a priority, even when life outside these rituals becomes busy. 

6) You admire each other

Mutual admiration reflects a deep respect and appreciation of each other’s qualities, achievements, and character. 

When you genuinely admire your partner, it’s not just about recognizing their strengths and talents – you see and value them as a person. 

This creates a positive loop in relationships where each partner feels understood and motivated to be their best self. 

And like that isn’t great enough, admiration is usually also the reason why you’ll be more committed to working through issues together. 

Without this kind of respect, you might feel like you’re not enough for your partner. 

This can make it harder to invest in the relationship, potentially leading to stagnation and resentment over time. 

Knowing your partner thinks you’re great can instantly make you feel better within the relationship. 

And if both of you feel this way, the chances that your relationship will last are high. 

7) Both of you have a growth mindset

Having a growth mindset within your relationship is a big help.

When you both have it, you’re unlikely to grow apart. 

Relationships go through changes. If both partners are flexible and focused on becoming better together, the challenges of these changes are easier to overcome. 

People with a fixed mindset are often stagnant. So, if one partner grows and the other doesn’t or can’t understand the growth, they become disconnected.

Unless the stagnant partner changes their mindset and catches up, the relationship will likely end after continuous arguments or even resentment. 

Growing together as a couple is one of the biggest reasons relationships last. 

You can count yourself lucky if your partner has the same type of growth mindset as you. 

And know that you’ll likely be spending your lifetime together.

Natasha Combrink

Natasha Combrink

Nats is a writer who loves creating content for purposeful brands. She enjoys spending time outdoors, crafting, and diving down rabbit holes. After rediscovering life, she wants to help others live to their full potential. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.

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