in , , ,

“No girls have ever liked me” – 10 reasons why this may be true

“The greatest joy of life is to love and be loved in return.”

If you believe this, then maybe you feel that you’re missing out a lot because you’ve been single since birth.

You feel that no girl has ever liked you and it’s crushing your soul day by day, especially now your friends are getting hitched one by one.

I understand that. I really do, and I would like to help you.

In this article, I will list ten reasons why no girls might have ever liked you and what you can do about it.

Warning: You must be ready. Some reasons might offend you and force you to do a lot of thinking. Trust me when I say it’s all for the best. The first step to make any significant change is by identifying the problems.

Ready?

Let’s go!

1) You don’t have confidence in yourself

Take a moment to consider whether or not you’re lacking in confidence.

Are you afraid to act because you’re afraid the girl might reject you? Do you think you’re uglier than most and that you have nothing to offer?

There are few things that turn girls off than a guy having little to no confidence. Even other guys don’t like hanging out with someone like that!

Girls like it when a guy is self-assured and a go-getter. This is probably why ‘bad guys’ are so popular! They know what they want, and they go for it and don’t let no doubts hold them back. They know their worth and they want others to know it too.

And you know what? Most of them are not handsome.

Don’t take this to mean you can’t be vulnerable at all or that you can’t be afraid. Being confident is all about OWNING YOUR WEAKNESSES and not letting your vulnerabilities or fears hold you back.

What to do:

  • Take lessons in confidence!
  • Stop comparing yourself with others. There will always be people better and worse than you are.
  • Take care of your body. Go to the gym.
  • Instead of working on becoming ripped and handsome, aim to become hot instead. Hotness means more than your looks. It’s an attitude.
  • Reward yourself for just even trying.
  • Practice the abundance mindset

2) You’re a bit too cocky

Confidence might be attractive, but don’t mistake that for cockiness!

In fact, people who like to show off for all the world to see or put others down to make themselves feel good are usually doing it because they lack confidence.

If you ever find yourself thinking you’re better than others, being condescending, or always trying to one-up everyone else, you need to stop and get help.

Nobody likes people like that. Every minute with them is like a death sentence.

Even if you end up attracting a girl, chances are you’ll turn them off really quickly before you can even have the second date.

What to do:

  • Be kind to yourself. Arrogance -cockiness- often goes hand in hand with a bad self-image.
  • Don’t show off too much. If you’re truly awesome, they’ll know.
  • Stop obsessed about being right. You probably are not. And even if you’re right, it’s better to be kind than to be right.
  • Be curious of others.
  • Remember that no one wants to be with someone who always thinks they’re better than everyone else. Ever!

3) You’re a bit too desperate

Ask yourself if you’re really that worried why girls don’t like you and if you are, then why.

Is it just one particular girl (the one you’re in love with) or just any girl?

How do you feel when a girl doesn’t pay attention to you?

If you’re desperate, it will be obvious in how you act around girls. You’ll end up obsessing or being too forward, and you’ll come off as trying too hard.

Girls can smell desperation and they avoid it like strong perfume.

We know being ignored could impact your self-esteem and without you knowing it, you’d want to get validation from girls…any girl at all!

Look, if you’re desperate to get a girl to like you, you’re not ready for a relationship. You probably have things to sort out with yourself (like this NEED to get ANY girl), or maybe your friends and family are pressuring you into looking for one.

And these are all the wrong reasons to look for a significant other.

So even if you somehow manage to get a girl, you’ll end up chasing her away real fast.

What to do:

  • Learn how to be comfortable alone, by yourself. Desperation stems from a fear of being alone, so conquer that fear!
  • Expand your reach and try to look for new people to hang out with. With the internet, you can befriend people all over the world!
  • Don’t fixate on gender. Don’t feel like you have to meet girls or make friends who are girls— so what if your friend group is mostly made up of guys? Make friends because of who they are, regardless of gender.
  • Be ready to let go. Sometimes friendships and relationships just end up badly, and it’s better to let go instead of dwelling on the past.

4) You might be a bit too touchy

Girls get overwhelmed (and turned off) when you keep pushing their boundaries to get “closer.”

Chill and be respectful.

Personal boundaries are important. Nobody likes it when you intrude into their personal space. Be careful of standing too close to someone or touching them when it’s not appropriate— that’s a turn-off!

And most especially, don’t obsess over a girl so hard you stalk their social media, try to dig up personal information, or talk about them with others.

All these will make you seem like a creep.

Don’t get yourself involved with things that shouldn’t concern you, and respect their personal boundaries. This is something you need to respect before you get into a relationship with someone, and something you should continue to respect even after you’re married.

What to do:

  • Try to be aware that boundaries exist, and they differ from person to person.
  • Read the atmosphere, and if you just can’t, then err on the side of caution.
  • Communicate! Ask for consent and respect it.

5) Your lifestyle might need some fixing

Do you sit around in front of the TV all day?

Do you bring smoke everywhere you go?

Do you eat nothing but junk food and candy?

Is your room a junkyard?

Are you broke AF and you’re not doing anything to change it?

All these things matter, of course!!!

If you don’t bathe often, you might end up smelling so badly that not only girls, but even dudes will hate to be within a mile of you. If you smoke 20 cigarettes a day, it’s a minus and not a plus to how attractive you are as a partner.

Don’t say “Take it or leave it” and cry if you end up alone. Work on yourself and the girls will line up. In fact, this might be what can solve the confidence issues above.

You can’t just work on getting confident without changing the things that truly need fixing. Do both.

What to do:

  • List down the traits of your ideal partner. Be that person!
  • Identify what things in your life need fixing, and set aside time to deal with them one by one.
  • Set clear goals. Make a list and pin it beside your bed if you must!
  • Once you’ve decided on an action, stick to it. Don’t make excuses to return to how things used to be even if it’s inconvenient.
  • Be patient with yourself. Change isn’t always quick.

6) You need to work on your flirting skills

You can’t expect girls to just throw themselves at you unless you’re some hotshot dude like Harry Styles. You need (yes, NEED!) to take the first step and flirt.

Flirting is an art, and you need both technique and attitude to pull it off well.

I had said earlier in this article that you need to be confident and you must not be desperate. This is especially important when you’re flirting because if you’re not confident, you’ll take rejection too harshly and if you’re too desperate, you’ll just paint yourself as a creep.

It can be cute seeing someone try and fail at flirting, but most of the time being bad at flirting is a turn-off.

Flirting is a life skill so you gotta learn a little and do a lot of practice.

What to do:

  • Try to study up on the dos and don’ts of flirting.
  • To lessen your anxiety, do it more often. You’ll then start to get numb with all the rejections when you realize you won’t die from it.
  • Sometimes, all it takes is attention. If you’re too awkward, forget the moves! Focus on the motivation, which is to pay attention to the girl.

7) You need to be a bit nicer

While you should never expect that being “nice” is enough to win you the ladies or worse, entitle you to a relationship or at least a spot of sex (the ‘nice guy’ trope exists for a reason), you should try to be a genuinely nice person nonetheless.

Most girls don’t really appreciate being around someone who yells at people over the smallest things, slams the doors and throws things at a wall when things aren’t going their way, and is rude to the people they meet every day.

If you’re like this, you might be triggering warning bells— warning bells that say “Hey, this dude might beat you up if you get into a relationship with him!”

What to do:

  • Try to understand people instead of judging them.
  • Nice doesn’t mean you’re a wimp.
  • Try to control your temper.
  • Always think before you act or speak.
  • Try to monitor your patterns. Ask yourself during interactions if you’re adding more joy or taking it away. Of course, we should add more joy! Handle your moods elsewhere.
  • Try to love yourself!

8) You don’t appreciate things enough

Girls don’t like it when you do nothing but whine and complain. Well, not just girls. People!

I get it, we all need to complain sometimes. However, there’s a limit to how much complaining is good, and if you complain so much that you give the impression that you’re just not grateful for any good things coming your way at all?

Big turn-off.

Nobody likes giving flowers to someone who complains that it’s somewhat wilted.

You don’t want to scare the girls that it’s difficult to make you happy.

It’s alright to complain about the climate crisis or how companies are exploiting our data but if it’s something too personal like your annoying colleague? Zip it.

You need to focus on appreciating what you do have instead of bitching about every single thing.

No one wants to live with a whiner because it’s infectious.

What to do:

  • Write down things to be grateful for every day. Read it every now and then.
  • Contrast how good you have it now, compared to the worst you have been in the past.
  • Be around happy people who always see the good. Just feeling their warm presence would make you want to be like them.

9) You might have to change how you think about women

Growing up, many of us get to hear prejudice and stereotypes around what men and women should be and these things dig themselves deeply in our heads.

Things like:

“Women are shallow and just want bad guys.”

“Women should be protected because they’re fragile.”

“Women who wear makeup and a slutty outfit are not marriage material.”

Girls can sense this and they’re massive turn-offs, especially today that girls are now more aware of how society has been oppressing them. These thoughts can be from our conservative parents or religious influences. Try to unlearn them, not just to get the girls but to be a better person!

If a girl whines to you about how “All men are cheaters”, “All men are liars”, or “All men are dumb”, do you think you’ll want to be with her?

You’d want to run to the other side of the country because you’ll always have to prove to her you’re not. Isn’t that exhausting?!

Think hard about whether you have any preconceived notions about what a girl should or should not do because that might just be one of the bigger things keeping girls away.

What to do:

  • Be open. See her as a person (just like you) instead of resorting to stereotypes.
  • Introspect! Think before you speak, and try to put a stop to prejudiced thoughts.
  • You don’t own your girl! She’s her own person.
  • Flip things around. If you find yourself saying “girls are…”, think about whether you’d be okay hearing someone say “boys are…”
  • Be careful of comments that might make her feel bad about herself or her body.

10) You’re too focused on having a relationship (and you want it now!)

Let’s say you like someone but they just see you as a friend. You’re in the friendzone. People make it this big scary thing you can’t escape and getting stuck in it is the literal end of the world.

And that’s utter nonsense. Just be patient!

See, it’s totally fine to be friends with a girl and not get into a relationship with her. And it’s also totally fine to be friends with a girl for years before you get together.

Not all girls appreciate people they don’t know (or barely know) hitting them up. A lot of girls who would rather know someone through and through before getting into a relationship with them.

And yes, that does mean they prefer to be friends with a guy for years before starting a relationship.

Don’t make it a big deal if you find yourself stuck in the friendzone. They might prefer to take it slow and… well, even if they decide they aren’t your type, then at least you have made a friend.

What to do:

  • Try to be a good friend, regardless of whether she’s into you or not.
  • Think about what you might be missing. Maybe she likes you, but there are just some things you’re lacking. So be your best self!
  • Be patient. This might sound repetitive, but some people just want time and rushing will not just cost you your shot, but potentially even your friendship!
  • Be ready to accept it if she says she’s just not into you.

It might be painful to consider some of the things in this list as being flaws in yourself. You might be angry and want to punch me through the screen for even as much as assuming you lack confidence.

But change does not come easily or painlessly and if you want to be a better person, you gotta look at the “enemy” straight in the eye.

Be careful not to “over-fix” yourself though. You gotta learn to keep the good parts (and you have so many good parts!) and work on your flaws.

The best thing to do now, while you’re trying to be a better version of yourself, is to put yourself out there more often. Nike says it best “Just do it”.

You can’t just tweak yourself to perfection and wait for that day you’ll be ready. Besides, how sure are you that no one likes you now just the way you are?

Go out. Show up. Learn more about yourself and dating. One day, you’ll meet your match and you’d be so happy you got proactive with your (dating) life.

Written by Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

100 quotes by Mooji that’ll help you understand his key ideas

10 reasons deep thinkers are rare in modern society