I’ve never tried to hide that I lean right. I have since a young age.
I’m opinionated and tend to speak my mind.
This leads to all sorts of interesting conversations, arguments, friendships and enemies.
But recently it’s been making an impact in a different area:
With my twin flame.
What to do when your twin flame has different political views
I met my twin flame a year ago.
She’s a communist.
When I say that, I don’t mean she supports universal healthcare or an improved social safety net for workers.
I mean she’s literally a communist.
Her hero is Vladimir Lenin and she has a massive poster of Fidel Castro on her wall (I didn’t even know those were available before I met her).
This has led to strong disagreements, to say the least. I don’t even know what I’m doing in a relationship with her, except to say that I feel an emotional and physical connection with her that I’ve never felt with anyone else.
Here’s what to do if you’re in a similar situation.
1) Remember why you’re here
Remember why you’re here with your twin flame. If you’re best friends, in a relationship or otherwise close, don’t forget that your connection supersedes politics and ideology.
Now I’m not going to the one to claim ideology doesn’t matter or that it’s irrelevant.
It does matter, and your values and beliefs can be deeply reflected in your political views and opinions you care about a lot.
A twin flame is the other half of your soul, metaphorically. They are the exception to the rule, the crazy spiritual and romantic adventure that often hits us only once in a lifetime.
Remember that you aren’t with them to be with a debate partner.
That said: when your values diverge in extreme ways we have to move on to step two.
2) Does your twin flame respect you (and vice versa)?
If you love someone and have a deep soul bond with them, then surely you respect them, right?
I know couples who are deeply in love and would have trouble living without each other, but who are also disrespectful of each other in many ways.
They undermine, snap and goad each other on the daily.
Is this you and your twin flame?
My twin flame respects me as a person, which is why I have not gone after her communistic views.
She considers my politics reactionary, ignorant and harmful. I consider her politics ridiculous, evil and wrong.
But I don’t try to force her to change and she doesn’t try to force me to change.
We disagree where we disagree and that’s that. There’s mutual respect, at least up to a point.
I can’t say things are perfect, and we’ve had increasing conflicts, but at least that core tolerance is there in most ways.
If you’re lacking in that mutual respect, it’s a much different situation and will likely require a period of separation from your twin flame until you can resolve your inner issues and come back together.
3) Work on your most important relationship
Finding our twin flame can feel like a miracle, but I see it differently.
A twin flame is a test.
If you’re ready for him or her, your bond may be wonderful and fulfilling.
If you’re not ready, it can be a huge clash and set off all sorts of fireworks and conflicts.
This is how it always is with all connections in life, especially romantic connections and especially with a twin flame.
All of this raises the question:
Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?
And what’s the solution to conflict with your twin flame (over politics or anything else that divides you)?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learnt about this from the renowned Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about the problems we have in our love life and why.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective about the problems I’ve been having with my twin flame.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to meeting the person of your dreams but also being on a totally different page than them in many ways.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
4) Find any common ground
If possible, try to find common ground on some values with your twin flame.
If you want to know what to do when your twin flame has different political views, think about what you share in common.
My twin flame and I both agree that blue collar workers deserve more respect…
We both find woke ideology embarrassing and counterproductive…
We both agree that people should come before GDP…
Our methods to get to these points couldn’t be more different, and our views on religion and certain social issues are diametrically opposed.
We know that our hearts are in the right place and that we’re not bad people.
I’ve also never made the mistake of asking if she likes Stalin (she doesn’t, and considers him not to have been a “real” communist).
As for Pol Pot, I’m leaving that one for another day…
As long as she doesn’t wear her Hugo Chavez t-shirt when we go to visit my parents, I can usually deal with her red roots.
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5) Think local
Another tip I find very helpful about what to do when your twin flame has different political views is to get a bit more local.
National and international politics seems designed to divide us and make people emotional and opposed.
Locally, there are so many things we can band together on.
I’m not saying that even locally there aren’t polarizing issues, but the topics tend to be much more down-to-earth and immediate.
Should this housing development happen?
How can we protect our natural surroundings in this municipality?
What should be done to ensure safe streets while protecting people’s rights?
These kinds of local concerns can take you out of the frame of national and larger issues politically and into the everyday pressing issues of your community.
My twin flame and I have found ways we can team up on these issues, even though people understandably see us as quite an odd couple.
6) You don’t always have to talk and respond
This helped me a lot in terms of what to do when your twin flame has different political views.
I talk a lot (a lot), so realizing that not talking is also an option was a breakthrough.
I can disagree strongly and say that, but there’s not always a need for any of us to explain everything about what we believe all the time.
Let things be at times.
You’ll feel calmer in yourself and happier.
There’s so much drama out there if you want to go in search of it, but it can be so much more empowering to just let the drama rest.
Give it a rest.
Listen to what your twin flame is saying even if you hate it. Stop yourself from formulating a response. Just listen to their words, no matter how stupid you think they are.
Then say “thanks for sharing what you think. Even though I disagree, I was glad to understand more about your perspective.”
“When friends have different political views, they have to listen to one another. Most of us are guilty of preparing our next spiel instead of listening to the person we’re engaging with.
“This happens all of the time, not just when we talk politics. Try to correct this bad habit; listen to what the individual in front of you is saying.”
7) Call a pro
I used to think I knew everything about dating and relationships.
Not that I was a success: by no means.
I just thought that whatever challenge came my way I’d be prepared to deal with it, no issues.
How naive I was.
The fact is there are so many situations and issues that can come up and blindside you in love and in terms of your twin flame.
While the advice in this article will help you deal with clashing with your twin flame on politics, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like strongly disagreeing with someone you love.
They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
8) Don’t take it too personally
It’s very important not to take political disagreements with your twin flame too personally.
Growing up I was often singled out for not sharing the progressive views of people around me, which left me with a thin skin about this.
But my twin flame has made it clear that she doesn’t see it that way.
Her dislike of my views isn’t a dislike of me personally.
The same goes for me. I can even see her motivations for believing what she does and appreciate those motivations, even if I believe the conclusions they reached are incorrect.
Separating the person from the ideology is key if you want to navigate this kind of situation.
You’re going to take some of it personally. You’re going to get emotional about some clashes. We all do.
Just remember to think back on it later and realize it probably wasn’t meant to be a personal attack.
“By separating people from their political views, our participants reported they could see past differences and focus on shared humanity…
“…Avoiding a confrontational tone also helps head off conflict and encourages openness to differing viewpoints.”
9) When to split
I generally advise against splitting up with a twin flame over different political views.
The only exception is if there’s a consistent lack of respect or verbal or physical violence taking place.
If the situation has become so draining and upsetting that your life is severely impacted, it is better to separate.
If not, I advise using the tips above to try to make this work or at least learn from it before heading your separate ways.
Can you make it work?
Can you make it work?
That question has to be solved by you and your twin flame.
What I will say is that disagreeing on politics does not have to be the end of the line for you and can actually be a chance to grow.
By seeing how you clash, you can learn a number of extremely valuable skills:
This includes increased patience, empathy, tolerance and openness.
I also really recommend the folks over at Relationship Hero once again.
Those love coaches know what they’re doing, and they do it well.
If you’re clashing with your twin flame over politics, don’t give up. Life is a process of learning, growing and evolving.
Try to go with the process and see what comes of it, don’t pull the plug right away because you feel uncomfortable.