Whether your love was unrequited or maybe things just didn’t work out the way you had hoped, it can be devastating to feel like your twin flame has rejected you.
Maybe it appears like your twin flame doesn’t care or is even mean to you.
In this article, we’ll talk about where you go from here and what to do now.
What is a twin flame?
Before we get into the 10 key things to do when your twin flame doesn’t want you, I think it’s important to quickly explain what we mean by “twin flame”.
RELATED ARTICLE: What is a twin flame relationship? 23 undeniable signs
Also sometimes referred to as “mirror soul” or “soul connection”, this is considered the most powerful of intimate relationships — usually manifesting in a romance or strong friendship.
Unlike a soulmate, who is typically seen as someone who comes from the same energy source as you, a twin flame is often explained as the splitting of one soul into two people.
“…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment…”
A twin flame is essentially an incredibly strong connection that may give you a feeling of belonging or a sense of wholeness.
They are seen as the replica of you, often sharing the same types of strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and shadows.
This type of relationship can help you to grow. But that’s why it won’t necessarily always feel like a bed of roses either.
Twin flame relationships are viewed as teaching grounds to learn important life lessons.
If you are suffering right now, feeling disconnected from your twin flame, or reeling from the realization that they do not feel the same way — here’s what to do now…
What if my twin flame doesn’t want to be with me? 10 important steps to take
1) Know that you already whole
You can still feel this way even when you are in a relationship too.
Right now, if you are feeling rejected by someone who you care about, this emotion is likely to be heightened. It may be difficult to sense at the moment, but you are already whole.
Whole does not mean perfect. But it does mean that you come complete with the potential for everything you will ever need in life already within you.
Yes, relationships and connection are significant, but as much of a cliche as it may sound — all the power and love are already within.
Society often teaches us to look to others for answers. Just as many traditional notions about love also encourage us to look to people to “complete us”.
We all end up doing it. It’s like we are on a never-ending search for peace, and we look everywhere we can think of — money, possessions, achievements, recognition, and romantic relationships — to fill the void.
But searching for anything outside of ourselves to make us feel happy or whole, so often proves to be a fool’s errand.
That’s why research shows that all the money in the world won’t make you any happier. You already have all the treasure — it’s not out there, it’s in here.
I’m not trying to minimize the value of love that we feel in relationships but it’s important to remember that it is ultimately a projection of the source that lies within you.
This is the source that needs and deserves the majority of your nurturing.
2) Turn your focus back onto yourself
When we care about someone or love them, they can occupy much of our thoughts. But this can also become unhealthy, all-encompassing, and even have a destructive effect.
All of us are only ever really responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions in life.
For whatever reason, and as painful as it may feel right now, the object of your affection does not want the same.
For the sake of your own sanity, try to turn your attention away from them and back onto yourself.
It’s not the most poetic of phrases but I have found throughout the years that “Stay in your own lane” has offered me one of the most powerful reminders that my role in life is to look to myself and not get lost by looking elsewhere.
Right now, thinking less about them and more about you can offer some much-needed healing.
That may mean a real focus on self-love — practicing being comfortable in your own company, learning to be still (through practices like meditation) without feeling distressed.
It might be thinking about what drives you, what you are passionate about, or what you feel called to do in this life.
Boost your spirits by remembering all your incredible qualities. Journal about them if it helps to see them written down in front of you.
Shower yourself with any of the love that you may feel is absent in your life at the moment.
3) Raise your vibration
We’ve just discussed the need to be particularly kind and loving to yourself right now.
Whether you believe in the law of attraction or not, one thing is for sure, positive energy does seem to create more positive results in life.
As shaman Rudá Iandê points out, that certainly doesn’t mean banishing what we consider to be “negative” feelings or trying to whitewash over our emotions, as this can be incredibly harmful.
So it’s important to allow what you are feeling and let it move through you. You might be experiencing a wide range of emotions including disappointment, frustration, sadness, or even anger — all are ok.
But there are also things you can try which might help you to feel better and raise your vibration.
These are often simple yet powerful:
- Listening to uplifting music
- Doing activities you enjoy
- Dancing, or expressively moving your body
- Being around supportive friends or family members
When we are feeling very down, turning our attention to others can also be a really effective way of shifting our energy.
Nothing gets us out of our head and away from our own problems quite like giving our time or resources to people.
Scientific research has shown that we feel happier simply by helping and being of service to someone else.
4) Consider the shadow work that you still have to do
I have a confession…
I am guilty of hiding in love.
Sure, it’s because it feels warm, comforting, and occasionally euphoric. But also, I think that I sometimes seek refuge there.
It seems easier to try and find satisfaction in life through someone else. It’s a glorious distraction from getting around to the challenging work within.
I don’t know if you can relate or if that makes sense to you?
Yes, we are all already whole but we are all a work in progress too — much like the Universe itself.
There is nothing “missing” within it, but all the same, it continues to grow in a never-ending expansion.
We all have traumas to heal and shadows that need light to be shone upon them.
Relationships, just like the rest of life, become our classrooms.
But the lessons are often 10 times more powerful because there is nothing quite as triggering or confronting.
The situations and experiences you go through act as a mirror that reveal significant things about yourself, which in the process, point to the work that still needs to be done.
5) Contemplate other twin flame possibilities
The thought that your twin flame isn’t interested in you or perhaps that your twin flame doesn’t want a romantic relationship is likely to be painful.
But can you open yourself up to other possibilities that you may not have contemplated yet?
For example, Justin Brown in his video “How to find your twin flame (7 key steps)”, rather than just having one, talks about how he feels surrounded by twin flames.
For a moment, try to forget any expectations of how a twin flame is or is not supposed to manifest itself in your life.
Ask yourself, could you have more than one twin flame? Or is there a chance that this person isn’t “the one”? — maybe they were just a spark and not a flame after all.
I am in no way trying to diminish the connection you feel. But in life, it also helps us if we can at least open our minds and hearts to make room for new possibilities to emerge.
6) Look for value in the experience
If you are hurting right now, this may be a big ask. But there is value in every single thing that happens to us in life — both the good and bad.
We all want to avoid pain, it’s natural. Yet the truth is that suffering really does offer such fertile ground to plant positive seeds to grow.
I know that it may not feel like much consolation right now, but even heartbreak can hold a powerful medicine hidden within.
“Grow through what you go through” is more than just a catchphrase, it’s a recognized psychological condition.
Recognize that things not working out the way we may have hoped, doesn’t make our experiences any less valid.
Believe that everything takes us one step closer to where we need to be. In this instance, that may be a strong and loving relationship.
When we see life as a journey — full of mysteries, lessons, and growth — we understand that whatever happens is useful, regardless of how it turns out.
7) Realize that whatever we grasp onto, we end up pushing further away
I’ve read a lot about the so-called chaser/runner dynamic documented by some people when they talk about twin flames.
In a nutshell, it’s the idea that one person in the pairing pursues the connection more than the other.
It’s true that whilst some couples may feel an instant pull towards one another, other relationships develop over time or blossom from foundations of friendship.
It’s also not uncommon for someone to do a little more of the “chasing” in the early stages of a budding romance. But I would also always urge caution in pursuing any connection that ever feels one-sided.
Even if a relationship needs time and space to unfold or the intensity of a deep connection feels overwhelming to the other person involved, causing them to run away — you trying to push things will not help.
When we worry we have lost something that we wanted, it can cause us to panic. We may end up feeling desperate and attempt to grasp onto the object of our desire.
But whatever we try to hold onto too tightly in life, we inadvertently end up pushing further away.
In this sense, it becomes almost a lesson in acceptance. As the zen proverb goes, we must “Let go or be dragged.”
8) Avoid romanticizing the idea of a perfect partner
There are certain times in life when it does us all good to take off the rose-tinted glasses.
There’s no such thing as the perfect person or the perfect relationship. Perfectionism is a huge burden on yourself and whoever you project it onto.
When we lose someone or feel like we cannot have them, there is a temptation to idealize what we imagine we’ve lost. We put the relationship or person onto a pedestal.
But this projection becomes an unrealistic standard that nothing and nobody can live up to.
The Hollywood movies and fairy tales that we’re brought up on can give us ideas of what we think we want when life ends up delivering something totally different.
When we overly romanticize the idea of soulmates or twin flames, we can end up doing a disservice to their vital role in our lives. We think that if someone or something hasn’t lived up to our image of it, it has failed.
Real life, real growth, and real relationships are full of intense depth, but it isn’t the Disney version.
Often relationships aren’t shiny or glossy. Instead, they are gritty and raw, yet still vibrant and rich — much like the blood coursing through your veins or the nourishing earth beneath your feet.
9) Accept that if you are meant to be together you will be
Whether it’s divine intervention or just a case of human nature unfolding — what will be, will be.
That doesn’t mean relationships take zero effort. But it means that ultimately we cannot control the outcome from the energy we put into anything.
Even when the emotions feel strong, our individual desire can be fickle and life sometimes has other plans for us.
Even though we don’t understand it or even like it, it can turn out to be for our greater good.
In the words of the Rolling Stones:
“You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you find
You get what you need”
Can you accept that right now, you do not have all the information to definitely decide whether this is for the best or not?
Life is a long and unfolding journey. In the grand scheme of things, you do not know how certain events and experiences will play into your life overall.
I know that personally, during difficult times, I have found comfort in putting my faith in life — and accepting that at any given time I am only seeing a small piece of the puzzle, not the whole picture which may only become clearer later.
10) Look beyond the labels
We create stories, ideas, and even language as an attempt to communicate, explain and understand things in life that are often beyond us. But for all it offers, it still has many limitations.
These things serve as pointers to truth, but will never be able to sum up the entire truth. How could they?
As spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle points out:
“Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much. Language consists of five basic sounds produced by the vocal cords. They are the vowels a, e, i, o, u. The other sounds are consonants produced by air pressure: s, f, g, and so forth. Do you believe some combination of such basic sounds could ever explain who you are, or the ultimate purpose of the universe, or even what a tree or stone is in its depth?”
In a similar way, whilst labels like “twin flame” or “soulmate” might initially help you to gain a deeper understanding of the strong, connected union you are looking for in relationships — it is still ultimately just a concept.
For this very reason, a lot of growth and spirituality guides us towards the need to open our mind further than concepts or labels alone — to look beyond the narrowly defined and sense the undefinable infinite truth that lies within it.
As Thich Nhat Hanh might say, to recognize that “a finger pointing to the moon is not the moon”.
Labels are helpful to a point until they become a limitation to us.
That’s why in his video “How to find your twin flame (7 key steps)” Justin also urges us to resist the need to even label our relationships as twin flames.
It’s important to remember that, after all, it is our experience of a relationship that counts, rather than the label we use to define it.