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“My husband is ignoring me during our separation” – 10 tips if this is you

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You and your husband are in a phase of separation, but it’s been a long couple of weeks he’s been avoiding you like the plague.

You haven’t heard from him in days, nor has he from you. 

He’s not answering his phone, and he’s even stopped coming home. 

Yes, you’re prepared to give him the space he needs. But, it’s been almost a month now and you’re tired of being ignored by him.

Want to make him come back to you and rebuild your relationship with your husband?

Here are 10 tips that might help.

1) Make sure you’re not being too needy

Ever noticed that you’re being too needy whenever you’re trying to get your husband to talk to you?

You may be asking yourself, “Am I being too needy?”

If the answer is yes, then chances are that you feel like your husband is ignoring you and not caring about your feelings.

However, when you’re being too needy and constantly nagging him about how he can’t live without you, it will only make matters worse.

You’ll be making him feel guilty for not answering your calls or texts. In return, he’ll stop talking to you altogether.

Why?

Because after all, you two are separated right now, aren’t you? And if that’s the case, you should know that he needs to be apart from you for a while.

Sure, you want him to come back to you and live happily again. But in the given moment, it’s better to respect your mutual decision instead of being too needy.

Why am I saying this?

Well, that’s because if you keep nagging him about how much he misses you, it will only make him feel guilty and ultimately give up on coming back to you.

The solution?

Stop being needy and start being understanding instead. Try not to act like your husband is a bad person just because he hasn’t been answering your calls or texts lately.

And you know what?

Think about how you would behave if you were in his place. Maybe you would’ve started ignoring him too if he was too needy.

And now, you’re being so demanding of him that he’s not even able to come back to you. It’s not fair!

That’s why you need to be patient and wait for him to come back to you on his own terms.

And remember: the longer it takes for him to come back, the more chances he will give up on building a relationship with you again.

So don’t expect any miracles overnight!

2) Have a conversation you’ll both enjoy

Does your husband know how you feel about the fact that he’s ignoring you during your separation?

Is he aware that you’re feeling neglected and that you’re not happy to be apart from him?

If your husband is not aware of your feelings, then you should try to have a decent conversation with him.

Why?

Having a clear and open discussion with your husband will make him aware of your feelings and help him understand why you’re feeling the way you are.

After all, clear communication is the key thing that makes marriages last.

If you two are not communicating with each other, then chances are that you won’t be able to resolve your issues together.

If you want to maintain the relationship between the two of you, then it’s best that you try to have a talk with him now.

But remember that you should have a conversation that both of you will enjoy.

Otherwise, you’ll be just talking about your problems, and your husband will not be able to cheer you up.

That’s why I recommend you have a conversation that will bring both of you joy.

How can I do this?

Well, here are some useful tips on how to start a conversation with your husband:

Ask for his attention and listen carefully to what he has to say.

If he still doesn’t respond, then try again later. You can always email him or text him later on if he doesn’t answer right away. It’s best not to nag him too much.

You should also avoid asking questions that could make him feel uncomfortable, though (e.g: “How do I look? How was your day? “).

Just go to your husband and have a nice conversation with him. Tell him that you’re feeling neglected, not happy to be apart from each other and that he needs to talk to you more often.

Then, be genuinely interested in his answer.

Ask questions about how he’s been spending his time apart from you.  And if he’s been busy, then ask if there’s anything that he can do for you during his separation.

And don’t forget – being genuinely interested in your husband is the best way to know how he feels about everything!

3) Show your husband that you still love him

Want to know why most marriages fail?

It’s because most husbands and wives are not able to show their loved ones that they still love them.

Sometimes they think that the initial spark that they had for each other is no longer present to make them stay together.

But what they don’t realize is that love is not only something that you give but something that you receive.

And if you’re not able to show your husband that you still love him, then chances are that he’ll lose interest in your relationship.

So, if your marriage is on the verge of falling apart, then it’s best for you to start showing your husband that you still love him.

Just open up about your emotions and let him know that you’re still attracted to him.

But if you’re not sure how you can do this, maybe it’s time to get professional advice from marriage experts.

Reach out to a marriage expert for advice

I know how it feels – you’ve tried everything to get through to your spouse, but nothing is working – he’s still ignoring you.

You’re starting to wonder whether it’s time to give up, but the love-filled memories of how your marriage used to stop you from entertaining the thought.

If this is you, don’t worry, there is a way to salvage your relationship.

Brad Browning is an expert in the field of relationships and marriage. In this quick video, he shares some excellent tips on how to resolve the issues in your marriage.

But not only that…

He also covers some crucial mistakes most people make, mistakes that usually end not only in separation but in divorce.

So if you want to give your marriage another chance, this video will be a great starting point.

With Brad’s advice, you’ll be in a better position to get through to your spouse and revive the loving marriage you once had.

4) Ask your husband to attend family dinners

When was the last time your husband had a family dinner with you and your children?

I know most of you have already given up on this question, but I’m going to ask you to reconsider.

I think it’s important for your husband to attend family dinners.

Why?

The answer is simple: if he doesn’t, then chances are that he’ll lose interest in your marriage.

What’s more, he might even become detached from your children, especially if he’s not seeing them enough.

So guess what?

You need to ask your husband to attend family dinners.

This decision is not going to be easy for you, but if you want the love and respect of your family and friends back, then this is what you need to do.

Just ask him when he’s next going to join the rest of the family at a meal or two before things get too serious between the two of you again.

This will make your husband realize that you’re fed up with him ignoring you and your family and that you’re prepared to make some major changes in the relationship.

5) Help your husband be more involved in the kids

Having said that about getting your husband involved in family gatherings, now it’s time to talk about how he can be more involved with your children.

You see, even if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore if you have kids together, then he’s still responsible for them.

And that means that he needs to be more involved in their lives.

But we’re saying this here because if your husband starts seeing the children more often than usual, chances are that he’ll want to get back with you too.

After all, you need him to be a part of their lives, right?

We’re not saying that he’ll suddenly go back to loving you again, but at least he’ll stop feeling so distant from you and your family.

So don’t worry about how difficult it is for your husband to see the children more often.

Just make sure that you ask him to do this and that you set clear boundaries for when he’s allowed to visit them.

The good news is that there are plenty of ways for him to be more involved in the lives of your kids.

For instance, he can:

  • Make sure that he’s around when they’re at school and home;
  • Help them prepare for school and do their homework;
  • Teach them his hobby;
  • Take them out on outings or trips;
  • Help them with their homework;
  • Play games with them and so on.

And these are just a few examples.

If you can think of other ways that your husband could be more involved with your children, just go for it. That way, he’ll get closer to you and stop ignoring you without even realizing it.

6) Get your husband involved in the decision-making

Let me tell you a secret.

Whenever you let someone be involved in your decision-making, they’ll be more likely to help you out in the future.

And also, they’ll get closer to you.

Why?

Because asking someone to take part in your personal life is a clear sign that you trust them.

And if you trust someone, then they’re more likely to want to help you out in the future.

So we’re suggesting that you get your husband involved in the decision-making process for a couple of reasons:

  • To help him understand why you do things the way you do;
  • To show him that he’s important to you;
  • And to help him feel closer to you.

But here’s something even better about asking your husband for his opinion on things.

It’ll also help him get closer to you and stop feeling distant from your family.

And you know what else?

Asking your husband for his opinion will make him see how much he means to all of you, which will make it easier for him to forgive all of the mistakes he might have made in the past, too.

I know what you may be thinking right now.

Yes, that’s right. Your husband might be quite busy and don’t have time to be involved in everything that happens within the family.

But it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t be involved.

We’re sure that he’d love to help you out if he could.

But the truth is that he can’t always give you his full attention, especially when you have a busy schedule of your own and other things to take care of, too.

So make sure that your husband starts getting involved in decision-making so that he can have a say in how you live your life.

7) Revive his inner hero

Want to know another great way to stop your husband from ignoring you during your separation?

It’s simple.

All you have to do is make him feel like a hero once in a while.

Chances are that you probably feel a bit confused right now, especially if you’re not aware of the “hero instinct” concept. But let me explain.

“Hero instinct” is actually a psychological term that is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives husbands in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that husbands have to step up to the plate for their wives in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

8) Stop trying to control his life

If you’re still trying to control how your husband spends his time and money, then it’s time to stop.

In fact, you should probably stop doing this now.

Let me tell you why.

You know that controlling your husband is counter-productive.

It’s a sure way to make him feel like you’re the one who needs to be controlled. And it will only end up making you both miserable in the long run.

But this doesn’t mean that you have to give up trying to influence him in other areas of his life, like his work or his social life.

You can still guide him in these areas if he lets you have some input and if he’s receptive to your ideas. But don’t try and control his decisions about what he does for a living or where he goes for fun with friends when he has free time on his hands.

This is one of the main reasons why women tend to get so frustrated in marriage. They’re trying to control their husbands, but they end up getting frustrated and angry instead.

What I mean by not controlling his life is that you shouldn’t ask for things that he’s not going to give.

If he’s not going to give you the things that you want, then you should stop trying to get them from him.

So, don’t ask for favors or return the favor  (e.g., returning his call) if it’s not reciprocated (e.g., answering his call).

This can be annoying for both parties, as it can become a game of who calls who first when they’re apart.

But you know what? That’s not a problem if he’s not going to reciprocate.

You should also stop trying to control his schedule and his time.

Again, this is counter-productive as it only makes him feel like he needs to be the one in control.

9) Open up emotionally

I’m not going to lie – this is the hardest thing for many women.

If you’re still emotionally closed off, then your husband may think that you’ve already adapted to your separation and that you don’t need his emotional support.

Of course, you do. And you should tell him that. But this doesn’t mean that you should be open and vulnerable with him immediately.

You need to learn to trust him and allow yourself to be vulnerable with him before you can expect him to be open and vulnerable with you.

This is also why your husband must understand that he needs to take the lead in opening up emotionally.

It’s his role in your marriage, not yours, so he has to begin by being the one who makes the first move towards emotional openness within your marriage.

You can help him by expressing what he needs from you in order for him to continue opening up emotionally, and by telling him things like “I feel like I’m not being totally honest with you.” or “I feel like I’m always pushing my feelings aside when I’m with you.”

But it’s not as hard as it sounds. In fact, I’d say that this is the easiest thing that you can do to improve your marriage.

So, you need to open up emotionally with your husband and share what’s on your mind with him.

It’s a bit like a confession session where you talk about anything that’s on your mind instead of keeping everything bottled up inside of you.

10) Rekindle the spark in your marriage

Have you ever thought about the real reason behind your separation?

If you separated just because things hadn’t worked out between you two, then you probably need to rekindle the spark in your marriage.

The love that was there at the beginning of your marriage – the time when everything was new and exciting – will always be there for you… It’s part of who you are as a couple!  So don’t let it go just because things aren’t working out.

You can do this by doing the things that you used to enjoy doing when you first got married.

For example, if you used to go out dancing together, then go out dancing again.

If you used to have romantic dinners together, then have a romantic dinner again.

And so on… If you don’t do these things anymore because of your separation, then I’d say that it’s time for you to rekindle the spark in your marriage.

In fact, I’d say that it’s time for both of you to rekindle the spark in your marriage – and not just with each other, but with everything around you as well!

If so, then you should probably think about the possibility that your husband isn’t as happy in your marriage as he claims to be.

This is a very real possibility, and I know from experience that most men prefer a marriage where there’s a spark rather than one where there’s not much of a spark at all.

Now, I’m not saying that every man wants an affair, but I am saying that men do want to feel loved by their wives more often than they want to feel like they’re being controlled.

And if your husband is not feeling loved by you – even though he claims otherwise – then it’s time for you to rekindle the spark and make him feel loved again.  You need to show him how much he means to you and how much he means to your marriage.

In conclusion

Hopefully, now you have some ideas about how to overcome the fact that your husband is ignoring you during your separation.

But if you want to get back with him but you’re still unsure of how to go about resolving your marriage issues, I’d recommend checking out this excellent video by marriage expert Brad Browning.

I mentioned him above, he’s worked with thousands of couples to help them reconcile their differences.

From ignorance to lack of communication, Brad’s got you covered with the common (and peculiar) issues that crop up in most marriages.

So if you’re not ready to give up on yours yet, click the link below and check out his valuable advice.

Here’s a link to his free video again.

Written by Nato Lagidze

Nato is a writer and a researcher with an academic background in psychology. She investigates self-compassion, emotional intelligence, psychological well-being, and the ways people make decisions. Writing about recent trends in the movie industry is her other hobby, alongside music, art, culture, and social influences. She dreams to create an uplifting documentary one day, inspired by her experiences with strangers.

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