My (28M) girlfriend (24F) out of nowhere sat me down and told me she had evidence that I had cheated on her and that I’m hiding things from her. She keeps referring to a trip I went on with my friends about 3 months ago, and seems convinced that I had slept with or engaged with girls during this trip because of someone who followed me at the time. I have no idea who this person even is. I’ve let her go through my phone and emails, even offered to let her speak to my friends to confirm that nothing happened (I love her to bits and would never think of being unfaithful), but she’s still adamant that I’m lying. She has past issues of being cheated on which I’ve always been cautious and conscious of, but I don’t know how to convince her that this didn’t happen or how to salvage our relationship.
Thanks for sending this in. It’s really sweet of you to be so understanding about your girlfriend’s past experiences, and the way you’re trying to reassure her shows a lot of heart.
It makes sense that she’s carrying this baggage from past relationships, but it seems like it’s really taking a toll on both of you. You’re right, she probably needs time to heal, maybe even with some professional help to sort through those past hurts.
But here’s the thing – you deserve trust too, especially if you’ve been nothing but honest. How about sitting down with her and having a gentle but firm conversation? Tell her something like, “I love you, and I want to make this work, but I need you to believe me when I say I’m not cheating. This constant suspicion is hurting me.”
Maybe even ask what’s behind these accusations. Is she seeing things that aren’t there because of old triggers? Is there something you can do differently to help her feel more secure? Maybe it’s just spending more quality time together, reassuring her that she’s your priority.
You also mentioned she comments about you “hiding things”. Do you think something specific happened to make her feel this way, even a misunderstanding? It might help clear the air if you could pinpoint any moments that sparked this distrust.
If you’re both really committed to the relationship, couples counseling could be a great option. Remember, it’s also okay to set boundaries and walk away if you think this will be a recurring pattern. While you want to be supportive, constantly having to prove yourself isn’t healthy for either of you, and it certainly won’t rebuild trust.
Stay strong, and remember to take care of yourself too. You deserve to be in a relationship built on respect and trust.
All the best,
Evie
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