I feel bad about this, but my girlfriend is ugly

Usually, your partner is someone you find attractive in one way or another. Now: what do you do if you feel like your girlfriend is ugly?

We’ll help you out if you find yourself in this situation:

Why do you think she is ugly?

In order to truly make the right decisions moving forward, you need to get very clear on one thing: why do you think your girlfriend is ugly?

You see, this could have many reasons, for some, it’s their facial features that have always been there, for others it’s a change in appearance that now makes their partner unattractive in their eyes.

If your girlfriend is ugly, it’s probably because you see something in her that makes you feel like she is.

There are many reasons why you might find your girlfriend unattractive.

  • she might not have the body type you like
  • her skin (or hair) might not be clean
  • she may have an unhealthy diet
  • she could be unhygienic (sweaty, smelly, etc.)
  • she could have bad teeth
  • she could have acne
  • she could have an odd/unusual look to her face
  • she could have weird/unattractive mannerisms
  • she could have bad skin
  • she could have bad breath
  • she could be untalented
  • she could be socially awkward

The list of possible reasons is endless. You may not notice these flaws in her until you are in a relationship with her, or they might have always been there.

Now, I’m not saying any of these things are bad, there is stuff you simply can’t change, and judging people for it or making them feel unattractive because of it is really not cool.

The reason I’m writing this here is that I want you to really reflect on what it is that makes her ugly in your eyes.

Is it something that is changeable or something permanent?

Let’s say she has bad breath, that is not great and can even be an issue of health. In that case, gently mentioning it to her could do the trick so that she notices and does something about it.

This is truly a tricky topic to talk about because you really don’t want your aim of this all to be changing your girlfriend.

However, if there is something that is relatively easily fixed, like being unhygienic, then it’s okay to bring it up, as long as you do it in a nice and kind manner.

If this reason is something that is permanent and cannot be changed, then try to be discreet.

Trust me, nothing is worse than your partner pointing out a flaw that you can’t change.

I know you really want to fix it but, at the same time, you don’t want to be a jerk about it.

While trying to fix this issue, I would recommend you try not to bring up other things that she’s doing that are unattractive.

For example, if you’re talking about her bad breath and she says “oh, I brush my teeth every night,” then I would leave this conversation right there and go on with the rest of the conversation.

I would personally not bring up any flaws in her appearance so as not to make her feel like she’s being judged for something that can’t be changed.

This first step is mostly for yourself. Figure out what it is that pushes you away so that you can decide whether you can live with these doubts or if you’re better off with someone else.

Why did you start dating her in the first place?

Sometimes, it can really help to think back to when you first started dating. Why did you start dating her in the first place?

Was anything about her different, or did you just get used to having her around?

You may have been attracted to her in some way, or perhaps you liked her personality.

Maybe she was a friend, a co-worker, or someone you met online.

In any case, she must have had some redeeming qualities that caused you to like her enough to pursue a relationship with her.

Maybe she was kind, funny, smart, ambitious, a good listener, easy-going, confident, interesting, etc.

Maybe she was a mixture of some of these things. In any case, you must have liked something about her enough to date her, so try to remember what it was.

If you feel like she changed completely and you can’t find that person you fell in love with in her anymore, then that’s an issue.

That just tells you that maybe you both aren’t a good match for one another anymore.

Sometimes, however, reflecting on these things can really help you remember all the amazing qualities that you once loved about your partner.

And even if you can’t find them again, you may have found a few things that still work for you.

If you and your partner are still together, then it’s pretty likely that she’s still the same person.

You’ve just got to try to remember what made her so attractive in the first place.

Now, it can also happen that you changed. Not necessarily physically, but your perception of the world.

You see, we are constantly flooded with beautiful images of perfection in the media.

We see these perfect bodies, these perfect lives, and we start to think that’s what we should look like.

We start to see ourselves as failures if we don’t have the same things. And sometimes, we start to get dissatisfied with what we have.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone thinks you’re beautiful, and not everyone will love you for who you are.

So it can happen that after a while, you can no longer see your partner as the person you once did. And that’s when it becomes a problem.

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What do you love about her?

Try to remember what you love about her.

Maybe she is a good mother, maybe she is a good friend, maybe she is smart, etc.

You may not be attracted to her, but there are still things you love about her.

If you can’t think of anything, perhaps this is telling you that the relationship isn’t right, or that you’re not looking hard enough.

Reminding yourself of all the reasons you love her will help you to decide whether this relationship is worth saving.

You see, sometimes, two people are better off separating, while at other times, they truly belong together.

So it’s important to try to see where the relationship stands, and how it can improve.

If you don’t know what’s wrong, then you need to look at the facts.

Try to see the good in her: Are you somewhat attracted or not at all?

Try to be honest about whether or not you are attracted to her.

If you are not at all, then this is a good sign that the relationship isn’t right.

If you are somewhat attracted to her, you could try to look past her flaws.

Try to look at her in a different light. Take her out to social events, do things with her that you both enjoy, etc.

Simply put, try to see the good in her and make the most of the relationship.

If you’re not attracted to her, but you do still like her, then this is a good sign that the relationship isn’t right for you two, still.

You see, if there is no more attraction to your partner at all, that’s a pretty big sign that something isn’t right.

While it is totally normal for the attraction (and also libido) to slowly fade a bit in long-term relationships, it shouldn’t completely disappear.

If it does, then this is a good sign that the relationship isn’t right for you two.

If your desire to be with her has faded considerably, or completely disappeared altogether – and after some time has passed – then it’s time to think about ending the relationship.

Now: I want to mention here that it really depends on the situation.

Some couples simply go through some phases where they aren’t attracted to one another that much and things like intimacy fall in the background.

After a few weeks or months, however, this can change completely and things go back to normal.

So, ask yourself if this could potentially just be a phase and if there is a possibility that things will go back to normal again.

It’s important to try to be objective here.

Don’t feel guilty, attraction is an important pillar in any relationship

Guilt feelings aren’t good, they will only lead to a decrease in your happiness.

If you’re not attracted to your girlfriend, don’t feel guilty about it.

It could simply be that the two of you are not right for each other, and you need to end the relationship.

Listen, if you are not attracted to your girlfriend, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

It could just be that your partner is not attractive enough for you, and that’s okay.

You see, relationships are not all about attraction, they run much deeper than that.

Having said that, it’s important to realize that attraction does play an important role in any long-term relationship.

Without attraction, a relationship might last, but it will be more like best friends without passion.

So, if you two aren’t attracted to each other, don’t feel bad about it.

It could simply be that you two are not right for each other and that’s okay!

The important thing is how you choose to go about this situation.

You don’t have to feel guilty for not feeling attracted to her, but if and how you talk about this topic is what will essentially make the difference in what kind of person you are.

Can you see yourself with her in the long run?

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If you can’t see yourself ending up with her in the long run, you may want to end the relationship.

You see, if you don’t see yourself ending up with her, that’s okay.

Relationships have the ultimate goal of finding a partner for life. Do you already know that she’s not it?

Well, then, to be honest, you are just wasting both of your time by staying with her.

She might think you are the one and is in love, while you already know that eventually, things will end.

In that precious time, you could both already be looking for your soulmates.

Now, if you can see yourself with her in the long run, you should do your best to work with her and make the relationship work.

The thing is, while attraction is important, it is not the number one factor in long-term relationships, hence why, when people who love each other grow old together or go through difficult times such as sickness, they still stick with one another.

But if that’s not what you want right now, then you should end the relationship.

This is something that everyone has to decide for him or herself.

If you are clear about your decision, then no one can stop you from doing so.

If you can’t see yourself with her in the long run, then do not be afraid of ending the relationship.

Be honest about your feelings (without unnecessarily hurting hers)

If you’re not attracted to your girlfriend, be honest about it.

This doesn’t mean you have to break up with her immediately or tell her you think she’s ugly, but you do need to be honest about your feelings.

You need to be honest with yourself about your feelings in order to make the best decision for both of you.

If you aren’t honest about your feelings, it will only hurt her more in the long run.

It’s okay to not be attracted to your partner. However, you need to be honest with yourself about the fact that you find her ugly and come to terms with whether or not you want to break up.

The thing is, whether you choose to stay with her or break up, you shouldn’t really mention this to her, especially not in the harsh way of “I think you’re ugly”.

This might not only destroy her self-esteem, but it is also just such an unnecessary thing to say.

Don’t ever expect her to change for you

Now, while you might feel like you should bring certain things up to your girlfriend in the hopes of her changing, don’t.

You see, your girlfriend might be able to change, and if she can, then great.

But you shouldn’t expect her to change and become the person that you want her to be.

If you try to change her, it’s not going to work, and it will only make you both miserable in the long run.

You should accept your girlfriend as she is and if she’s not attractive enough for you or catches your attention anymore, then end the relationship with her.

There are plenty of couples that change for the better together in a relationship, but that usually only works if the desire to change comes from the person in question.

You see, asking your partner to change their appearance in any way shape or form is wrong, toxic, and will make her resentful of you in the long run.

Nobody should ever have to change who they are for you, remember that.

I don’t care how much you feel like “you’re doing this for her”, if you love her, you love her the way she chooses to live life, and if not, then leave.

If you want to end a relationship, then do it gracefully and don’t just be rude about it.

You will not only hurt your girlfriend’s feelings but also make her feel like she did something wrong, which is so unnecessary.

If you aren’t satisfied, end things with her

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If you aren’t satisfied with your relationship, break it off with your girlfriend.

You owe it to your girlfriend, to be honest with her and tell her that you’re not satisfied with the relationship.

And also, you owe it to yourself to end the relationship if it is not making you happy.

You should not be in a relationship if you’re not satisfied with it.

Simply put, there is no sense in staying in a relationship if you’re not happy.

If you aren’t satisfied with your relationship, end it with your girlfriend.

I mentioned it earlier, but staying with someone who doesn’t make you happy will only waste both of your time.

If you aren’t satisfied with your relationship, break it off with your girlfriend.

This will give you the opportunity to find someone you find more attractive, and she will have a chance to find someone who loves her for who she is.

It’s unfair to both of you if you stay in a relationship knowing fully well that this isn’t what you want.

I know that it’s hard, to be honest about your feelings and end things with your girlfriend, but you need to do it.

It’s better for everyone involved if you break things off with her.

However, maybe don’t tell her you think that she is ugly, but rather rephrase it like “I don’t think we are a good match anymore, I don’t see myself with you in the future and we both deserve someone who makes us happy”.

You both deserve to be in happy relationships

You both deserve to be in happy relationships. You both deserve to be in relationships where you are happy.

Everybody deserves to be in relationships where they are satisfied.

If you are not happy, or if you are not satisfied, you need to end the relationship.

Your feelings matter, as do your girlfriend’s feelings.

Both of you matter, and both of you deserve to be in happy relationships.

I know you might be worried about your girlfriend’s feelings and I said they matter.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t break up with her, though.

You see, even though you think this breakup will hurt her (and it probably will), staying in a relationship with a man who isn’t attracted to her will hurt her even more in the long run, trust me.

While this is not the easiest choice at the moment, it is the right choice for both of you, as it will allow you to be happy.

Always stay honest with yourself

I know, this is a tricky situation, but always stay honest with yourself.

If you are not happy with the way things are, then it is best to end things.

I know this is hard, but it’s the right thing to do in the long run for both of you.

Think hard about whether you are attracted to your girlfriend at all or if this relationship has no future at all.

And if it doesn’t, don’t feel bad for breaking it off, you are doing both of you a favor.

Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more https://www.fullyholistic.com/!

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