Do you have a codependent girlfriend who is codependent with another person?
Although this might be concerning, it isn’t unique to her.
In fact, codependency is quite a common phenomenon and it describes a person who has a deep-rooted dependency on a person who is not in a position to return the favor.
But what if your girlfriend is codependent not with you but with someone else?
This can be a tricky situation for you to navigate.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to help your girlfriend with this problem.
Here are 10 things you can do if your girlfriend is codependent with someone else.
1) Don’t ignore it
Want to know the worst thing you can do when your girlfriend is codependent with someone else?
Perhaps unexpectedly, ignoring the problem you and your girlfriend are facing will only make things worse in your relationship.
If you ignore it, your girlfriend might feel that she is not being taken seriously, and this can lead to her engaging in more unhealthy behavior.
She might engage in activities with other people to compensate for the lack of intimacy you two have.
Not surprisingly, this can be very damaging for both of you because it can lead to many problems in the future.
So, ignoring that your girlfriend is codependent on someone else is something you should avoid.
Instead, you have to be willing to face the truth and accept that she needs help. Why?
Well, because if you ignore her feelings, her behavior will continue. She will keep being a victim and an enabler of other people’s problems. And you will be enabling a bad relationship. You might even be in it as well.
But you know what?
Observing and acknowledging your girlfriend’s codependency with someone else will help you to understand that she has a problem.
However, don’t be too hard on her for this issue.
Instead, give her the benefit of the doubt and try to understand why she might be codependent with someone else.
So don’t ignore her codependent behavior with someone else. Talk to her about it. Let her know that you want to help her get better and help her find recovery from codependency with another person.
This means that she has to find ways to get better without taking away from your relationship.
2) Encourage her to get help
Do you understand that codependency is not something that can be cured overnight?
If so, this is another reason why you shouldn’t ignore your girlfriend’s codependency on another person.
If your girlfriend is dependent on someone else, she needs to get help.
She needs to be able to see that she has a problem and that she needs help. And she has to be willing to get this help from a therapist or counselor. Otherwise, her codependency will continue.
But what if she’s unwilling to receive support? What if she thinks that the fact that she is too dependent on someone else is normal for your relationship?
In this case, you have to be willing to be strong and confront her about her codependency.
You have to be willing to tell her that she is not normal, that she needs help.
This can be difficult because you might feel like a victim or like you are being attacked by your girlfriend. But it’s the best way for her to get better.
What’s worse, you might be unwilling to give your girlfriend the support she needs. Or maybe you even think that this problem will fade away by itself and that your girlfriend will start taking care of your needs.
If that’s the case, you might be the one who is enabling her codependency with another person. You might even become codependent on her too.
Instead, encourage your girlfriend to seek help from a therapist or counselor if you think it will help her break free from codependency with someone else.
And don’t stay silent when you hear about it because they might try and convince your girlfriend that there’s nothing wrong with being codependent on another person!
This means that your girlfriend might need a lot of help to get over this issue. So you have to encourage her to seek professional help if she needs it.
You see, she might not get better on her own. She might need professional help in order to get better. But if she doesn’t learn how to get better without taking away from your relationship, then she will continue being codependent with someone else for the rest of her life.
And you know what?
Codependency is a very difficult issue for people who are in relationships. It’s hard for them to understand how they got into this position and why they cannot seem to change the situation themselves.
Therefore, they need a lot of support and encouragement in order to get better.
So, you can encourage your girlfriend to seek professional help if she is codependent on someone else.
This is especially important because she might need to work on dealing with this issue on her own first before seeking professional assistance.
3) Get to the root of the issue and start over
Have you ever thought about what your relationship with your girlfriend would be like if you could start over?
You might have.
But you probably didn’t think about it for too long because you probably thought that it would be impossible to change the past.
But guess what?
There is a way to avoid your girlfriend’s codependency on someone else by starting over your relationship.
How can you do this?
If you’re dealing with a codependency problem in your girlfriend’s behavior, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?
You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing the internal first?
I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.
So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with your girlfriend and solve the problem of her codependency with someone else, don’t try to change her. Start with yourself instead!
You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.
4) Help her figure out who she is and what she wants
If you want to help your girlfriend stop codependency on someone else, there is one thing that you should do:
Help her figure out who she is and what she wants.
Well, codependency on someone else is a sign of deep insecurity. And if she cannot figure out what she wants, then it will be difficult for her to get into a healthy relationship with you because she will not know what kind of person she really is.
So, it’s important for her to find out these things for herself.
It’s also important that you help her in this regard, because, after all, you love her and want the best for her.
And unless she knows who she truly is, it will be hard for her to be happy in an unhealthy relationship with another person.
So ask her the following things:
- Why does she care so much about someone else when she’s in a relationship with you?
- Why does she feel the need to spend her time and attention on another person when she has you?
But if your girlfriend still has difficulty figuring out who she really wants to be in life, then I suggest that you give her space and let her understand the situation on her own.
5) Help her to see that codependency is not a good thing
Before we move on, let me ask you something important.
Does your girlfriend understand that she’s codependent on someone else?
And if she does, does she understand that it’s not a good thing?
The truth is that many people who are codependent on someone else don’t even realize their unhealthy attitude.
And this is why you should help her understand it.
But what does she need to do in order to come to terms with the fact that she is codependent?
Well, there are a few things you can do. First, ask her if she’s ever thought about it.
If she says yes, then tell her that it’s not OK and that it’s important for the both of you to work on this together because the relationship itself is not healthy, especially if you’re codependent on someone else like your girlfriend.
And if your girlfriend still doesn’t see the problem with being codependent on someone else, you should ask her these questions:
- What do you think is the best way for her to have a healthy relationship with another man?
- What would be the best thing for her to do in order to get what she wants from this relationship?
- How can she make sure that she is not in a codependent relationship with someone else?
- How can she ensure that she will not end up in an unhealthy relationship with someone else?
Whatever she says, this will definitely help her realize that being codependent on someone else when you’re in a relationship isn’t a good thing.
Or turn to another way to make her understand why it’s a bad thing:
Well, the answer is simple: tell her the truth. Don’t sugarcoat anything and let her know how harmful this behavior really is.
Tell her directly that she’s codependent.
If she doesn’t like this, then you can tell her that you’re going to give her space and let her think about it on her own.
6) Set healthy boundaries
Can I be totally honest with you?
Having healthy boundaries is the best way for you to protect yourself or your partner from being codependent on someone else.
The truth is that codependency is a serious problem and it’s not healthy.
The fact that your girlfriend doesn’t see this as such a big deal means that she’s probably codependent on someone else and that you need to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
But how can you be sure that you don’t have healthy boundaries in your relationship?
Well, if your girlfriend is codependent on someone else, she probably puts too much effort into pleasing someone even when that someone doesn’t care about her feelings.
This means that she’ll probably try to please this person in every way possible, including giving up her own needs and wants.
And guess what?
The same will happen with you. And this means that you don’t have healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Here are some ways in which you can set healthy boundaries:
First, tell her directly how much space you want and how much time she needs to give you so that you can do your own thing without having her constantly nagging at you.
Tell her what types of things will make it hard for both of you if she continues to be this way.
Second, tell her why this kind of behavior is destructive for both of you and how it prevents you from getting what you want in life. In other words, tell her how unhealthy this type of behavior is.
Third, tell her that you’re going to set healthy boundaries and that she needs to respect them.
If she doesn’t respect your boundaries, then don’t be afraid to tell her that you’ll start ignoring her in order to protect yourself from the pain of being hurt by someone who doesn’t care about your feelings.
Most likely, she will feel bad about this because she probably thinks that you’re being mean, hateful, and selfish for doing this.
But don’t worry — if she keeps being codependent on someone else, this behavior will become a habit for her as well. And it will get even worse as time goes by.
7) Receive specific advice for your relationship problems
Do you notice that you can’t deal with your girlfriend’s codependency and that you’re already starting to feel anxious and stressed out?
And do you know what the worst part is?
She doesn’t even realize that she’s doing this to you!
So how can you deal with this problem?
While the points in this article will help you deal with your girlfriend’s codependency on someone else, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being codependent on someone else. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
8) Don’t try to change her
To be honest, many people who find out that their partner is codependent on someone else start to get frustrated and angry.
And you know what’s worse?
As a result, they try to change their partner and make them stop being codependent on someone else.
But this is a mistake!
Because it’s not something that she wants to change, and it’s definitely not something that you should try to make her stop doing.
If she’s your girlfriend, you’re supposed to love her the way she is, right?
But instead, you’re trying to change her personality and make her stop being codependent on someone else.
And that’s not going to work.
I know it sounds difficult to accept at first, but the truth is that she’s not going to change for you.
And if you try to change her, it’s not going to work out well for either of you!
The truth is that your girlfriend actually doesn’t want to change. She wants to stay in this codependent relationship because it’s all she knows and because it makes her feel safe and secure. Codependency is a way of life for her.
So, instead of changing, try to explain why this can damage your relationship, and if she really loves you, she’ll eventually realize that this isn’t healthy and will want to get out of it.
9) Make a plan to move forward together
If you’re in a relationship with someone who’s codependent on someone else, you may feel lost and confused.
You don’t know what to do or how to proceed.
And that’s understandable. You don’t want to hurt your girlfriend, and you want her to change for the better. But you can’t do it alone.
The best thing that you can do is make a plan together so that things can get better in the long run.
It may sound difficult at first, but trust me – it’s not!
You just need to work together and do some work on yourself as well so that both of you will be more resilient when this happens again in the future!
For instance, here are some steps that I recommend:
- Work on your communication skills to be able to talk to your girlfriend about her codependency and express your feelings without being hurt.
- Try to understand why she’s codependent on someone else and why this can cause problems in your relationship.
- Learn how to cope with codependent behavior in a healthier way so that you can deal with it more effectively.
And if you want to make things easier, you should start to plan your future and communicate openly with your girlfriend about it.
That way, you’ll make her think about your needs and preferences instead of taking care of someone else’s.
10) Don’t blame her for being codependent on someone else
And the final tip I’m about to give you is that you should stop blaming her for being codependent on someone else.
After all, she might realize that codependence isn’t a good thing, but she can’t help it.
And this is true. She can’t help but be addicted to another person.
It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. But it does mean that she’ll probably need help to recover.
If you really love her and you want to help her, the best thing that you can do is not blame her for being codependent.
This will only make things worse. Instead, show your girlfriend how much you love her and reassure her that she can be better in the future.
And if she gets better, then you’ll be happy to know that she’s on the right path in life and that she’s starting to fix herself instead of making others suffer because of her codependency!
So, you shouldn’t blame her for that because it will make her feel bad, and she will feel even worse.
This isn’t about being selfish or controlling – this is about being honest and compassionate.
You should take responsibility for your own part in this relationship, but you shouldn’t take it a step further and blame her for being codependent on someone else.
You should also respect her feelings, needs, and wishes as well.
Keep in mind that you might feel hurt because she’s not doing something that you want her to do. But as a result, you’ll find ways to deal with this problem together and have a happy and healthy relationship in the end.
All in all, as much as you might love your girlfriend, there might be some aspects of her life that feel wrong.
If you’re sure that your girlfriend is codependent on someone else, you should start following our guide and take the tips above into account.
Because codependent relationships go beyond the boundaries of a healthy relationship.
So, try to use all your effort to get her out of it and show her how to stop being codependent on someone else.