One of the hardest things to deal with when you have a crush on someone who is already married is just how to move on.
I know that it can be tricky, but it’s better for everyone if you just acknowledge that there is no hope for a relationship and try your best not to prolong the inevitable.
But this isn’t an easy task — in fact, some people find it really difficult.
Here are 13 things you can do when you find out that your crush is married.
Let’s jump in!
1) Remember that they are still human
For all the times that you’ve built them up in your head to this almost unattainable level, don’t let them suddenly become someone completely different.
The fact is, they are still the same person inside — just married.
There is no reason for you to stop respecting who they actually are, even if it doesn’t fit into what you had imagined them to be.
You cannot deny the fact that there were nights when you imagined what it would be like if you are in a relationship with your crush, how great it would be having them love you back, since you knew all along that they are a wonderful person worthy of your feelings.
You have to remember that just because they are married, it doesn’t mean they are any less of a person.
2) Re-evaluate why you liked them in the first place
If you’re like me, you probably got over your crush pretty quickly because there were too many logical reasons for why a relationship between the two of you just wouldn’t work out.
But maybe, if you think back to what attracted you in the first place, it may help you understand why they became attractive to you in the first place.
Maybe they have a good sense of humor that makes them fun to be around. Maybe they have a passion for something that inspires you. Or maybe they have a talent that makes them well-liked by others.
Either way, if you can start to find out what it is about them that made you like them in the first place — even if it was despite their current status as married — then you can start to find some peace with your feelings for them and how you’re going to deal with them going forward.
3) Focus on the good things
Instead of obsessing over what you wanted from your crush in the past, stop and take time to reflect upon the actual good things about them.
For instance, if you had fallen for someone because their personality was really interesting and original, then their marriage may actually be more interesting and original than you think.
Or, if they were known as a really good friend who would support you no matter what, then maybe they are a better friend than you give them credit for.
You wanna know why?
If you start to focus on the good things that attracted you in the first place, it could help you stop resenting your crush for something that didn’t work out and instead embrace the good parts about them.
But what else you should focus on?
This was the question I asked myself whenever I struggled with my relationship issues. Luckily, my friend suggested professional coaches at Relationship Hero.
Even though I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong, a coach I spoke to surprised me with their sincere advice.
I actually managed to focus on positive things and let go of my relationship.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
4) Stop thinking about them
The other thing to remember is that if you’re obsessing over your crush, you’ll be leading yourself along a path of pain and suffering.
You want to stop this immediately because it will only lead to a negative experience.
I know it will be hard not having someone in your life who make you feel special and loved, but doing so will benefit you in the long run — both physically and emotionally.
Personally, when I was in high school, I used to always think about my crush, even though I knew they were with someone else.
But because it was always in the back of my head — nagging at me and driving me crazy — I felt stressed out and depressed.
Eventually, it got to the point where I had to stop thinking about them because it wasn’t healthy for either one of us anymore. More for me.
So, give your mind (and heart) a break.
5) Start thinking about their flaws
Now that you know how to get over your crush, the last thing you’re going to want to do is obsess about them, which can only lead to unhappiness and pain.
Instead, start thinking of the flaws that made you think of them as less attractive or appealing in the first place.
Maybe they’re too focused on their career and family, which makes it difficult for them to spend time with their friends. Or maybe they’re too stubborn about something and refuse to listen to you when you have a different opinion about something.
Whatever it is, start remembering why you tried so hard not to get involved with them in the first place.
This is especially helpful on your journey to acceptance and letting go. Reminding yourself of the things you dislike about your crush will somehow speed up the process.
6) Do things to distract yourself
I know, I know… You cannot just tell anyone to stop thinking about the person they have feelings for and expect that they will obediently follow.
In order to help you from thinking of them, why not do things or activities that will help you emotionally?
For instance, if you’re into reading, pick up a book that will keep you busy for the next few weeks. If you like going to the gym, try your hardest to go at least four times this week. Or if your hobby is playing video games and has several games in mind, then play them as much as you can.
A distraction is a great way to let go of your feelings for them because it mentally takes you away from dwelling on them.
If you need some ideas on how to distract yourself, try writing in your journal about something that will help distract you. Or if you’re more of a visual person, take a picture and post it on your wall.
It sounds really challenging but just trust the process and do it for yourself.
But still, you may raise this question:
Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?
And what’s the solution to completely distract you from your crush who’s already married?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learnt about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the fact that it won’t always work out even if we have deep feelings for someone from the beginning. You see, your crush is married to someone else!
Far too often we chase an idealized image of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
Far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
If you’re done with having these frustrating feelings towards your crush and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
7) Surround yourself with supportive, understanding people
You’re probably feeling hurt, devastated, and heartbroken because of your feelings for your crush.
But if you feel like you need to reach out to someone who will listen, understand, and will not judge you, then try to be with them.
They could be your:
– close family member
– best friend
– close relative
– online friend you’ve known for years
You don’t have to be alone during this difficult time, well, you can… But isn’t it better if you have someone you can turn to and share your thoughts and feelings with?
If you share these heavy feelings, trust me, you will feel better and lighter.
I know that people will begin to start asking you a million questions when they see you sad, but don’t let that bother you. It’s not their job to understand what you’re going through.
They want to be supportive and are willing to do so. Just be patient and try your best not to think about the person who made you hurt.
8) Don’t think of confessing your feelings to them
I know this is something that you really really want to do, but I don’t think it’s a great idea.
First of all, you wouldn’t know how they’re feeling. You wouldn’t know how they’ll react or act after your confession. They were your crush, yes… but to what extent do you really know them? And how about them towards you?
Secondly, if they’re happy with the person they’re with right now, then it would be wrong of you to stir a problem between them to the point that they might break up.
I know it’s going to be difficult for you not to do so, but you have to do this for yourself.
Actually, there is something that you can do if you really want to confess to your crush: write them a letter.
So, you have to grab a pen and paper. And do the writing.
Pour all your feelings into this letter, write all the things you’ve always wanted to tell them. Confess your heart out, don’t forget or leave anything.
But never send it. This is just something you can do if you feel that you need to write it down to get rid of those feelings.
Then, burn this letter. Yes, you heard me right. You have to burn it.
Watch it in flames, then release it in the air. There you go, you just confessed, yet you are one step ahead to letting go.
9) Sincerely wish your crush and their spouse happiness
Embrace the fact you will see them as a married couple.
This may be hard for you because you’re always thinking that they’re still single or they’re still dating, and you still have a chance. But the trust slaps that they are not anymore.
I know that this isn’t what you’re looking for, but I really want you to do something that will make you a bigger person.
But I don’t want you to overthink, you can wish them a lifetime of happiness even without actually saying these words to them.
– If your crush posted something that is related to their marriage on their social media account, then give it a thumbs up.
– If you happen to bump to the married couple while you’re out, then try to congratulate them.
– If you and your crush were already friends even before they got married, then send them a short yet sincere congratulatory text.
Wishing your crush and their spouse happiness will help you let go of all your feelings for them, because if you still have them, then chances are that you still want to be with them even after their marriage.
Know that your crush is happily married and try to be happy for them too.
10) Give yourself time to heal from this
I know it’s good to break up everything that reminds you of the person you cannot get over, but it’s also important for you to give yourself some time.
It may be tempting to allow yourself to wallow in your pain and hurt, but this will only lead to more unhappiness.
The best thing you can do is start moving on and putting yourself out there again — meeting new friends, making new memories and rediscovering who you are as a person.
Don’t forget that you have many friends who love and care about you, so don’t be afraid to share your feelings with them — even if they aren’t in the same place as you are.
Most importantly, don’t rush things or do things in a hurry. There’s no need to do that.
Give yourself time to heal from this, from this bad ending (on your part). Give yourself time to move on and feel better about yourself.
As I have mentioned, you may need the help of friends, family, therapist, or someone who you can really talk to about how you’re feeling right now.
Time is a great healer. And it will give you the strength that you need to move on.
11) Try to start dating
There’s nothing wrong with dating someone new if you want to. Of course!
If that’s what you feel like, don’t stop! There are good people out there who will love you for who you are, they are just waiting for you to meet them, or the other way around.
After knowing that your crush is off the market (for good), you may feel like you need more than just a hug. You may want to get close to someone else, but then you will be scared of feeling the same feelings you have for your crush and having another bad ending.
But don’t worry, as we all know, people come and go in our lives.
You can try to start dating someone new with who you might be more compatible, maybe someone who will bring out the best in you.
You have to be careful of rushing anything with your new love interest, though. Trying to rush things will only make you feel unsatisfied with the way it ends, as I have said.
Give yourself time to get used to your new love interest who you could be meeting soon. Don’t rush anything and just let things happen naturally.
12) Accept how you are feeling and that it is ok
I know that this is hard, but it’s important for you to accept how you feel about the person you cannot get over, and how you feel when you find out they are married.
If they have a ring or put a ring on it, then they are totally off the market. Your heart may say otherwise, but your brain totally gets this. So try to follow your brain, then your heart will follow.
Accept the way you feel and let yourself go through the process of healing.
You may feel like it’s far away from getting better, but after a while, you will feel great again.
And I am willing to bet that you’ll be a lot more confident than you’d ever thought of being before this happened.
Just be hopeful of the new you when you get to overcome all these feelings from your heart.
13) Finally… move on from your feelings for them
If you’re so into your crush and they are now a married couple, then it’s obvious that you need to accept that they are off the market now.
Move on from all these feelings for them, don’t be afraid of doing so and just leave them up to the universe. You may not know when or how, but you will find another great love who will make you happier than ever before.
But if you have been trying for a long time but still could not get over your crush, then know that it is time for you to move on. Don’t go crazy over this person who wanted nothing to do with you anymore.
Know that you can get over your crush and fall in love with someone else at the same time.
Never give up on love or hope of meeting someone else.
Life is unpredictable, especially for those who want to find true love and happiness.
The most important thing is to never lose hope that one day your wish will come true.
Life has many beautiful surprises when we least expect them.
“True love is when you meet the one who changes the course of your life, who makes you want to take better care of yourself and make you want to become a better person.”
By this, I mean that if we can learn to stick with what makes us happy, we won’t worry about our love lives.
We will also stop focusing on other people, worrying about them and what they’re doing all because it isn’t our life we have to live for ourselves.
And if you can’t love yourself enough to let go of your feelings for them, you will always have them in your mind, and that is a waste of time.
Love yourself more, so you can move on from all of this one day.
Have faith in yourself and know that you are strong enough to do everything.
Lastly, I want to say that I hope everything works out for the best.
If your mind is totally set on not thinking about them again then there should be no problem getting over your crush and moving on with your life.
Remember, this feeling is just like any other feeling; it will come and go but will pass eventually.
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