My boyfriend left without a word and took everything – including my cat.

My boyfriend upped and left last week without saying anything to me. Our relationship has been pretty rocky for a few months and we’ve had a few should we break up type of conversations, but I’ve fought really hard to stop that from happening.

We’ve been together for 3 years and have LIVED together for 6 months, which I know isn’t a long time, but I got back from a trip with my girlfriends last weekend and he had just left and taken my cat without messaging me or leaving a note or anything.

I thought initially he might be taking some time to cool off or think about things and that we’d patch things up when he was ready. I also dumbly thought maybe he’d taken my cat because he needed to be looked after, but I’ve messaged him a few times to check in or ask if we can talk and I’ve heard nothing.

He also took all his stuff from our shared apartment, including a lot of the stuff I would say is OUR stuff, not his. He’s also taken lots of my personal belongings – most importantly my cat, who I’ve had for about 6 years so way before I started dating this guy.

I’ve tried texting his friends and family but they’re ignoring me or telling me I need to speak with him, which is so frustrating because he’s just leaving me on delivered or declining my calls.

Any help? I’m running out of patience and getting a bit scared as my name is on the lease and I can’t afford an apartment we budgeted for together.

 

Well, while holding onto the idea of him taking a long and luxurious two-week break to think about things might be a romantic ideal in your head, I hope you’re ready to face reality.

He’s upped and left without a word, taken items you’ve by the sounds of it purchased together, taken your cat, and declined every call?

Sounds like he’s pulled a runner, I’m afraid!

And my best advice here would be to shift into first gear and prepare for your next steps.

Clutching onto a relationship with someone who so effortlessly ups and leaves without a word will do you little good.

And with a man who has seemingly seized your pet and taken it with him?

Please – you can do better!

I’m sorry to be the breaker of bad news, but you definitely don’t need this guy in your life. Even if he did eventually come around and decide he was up for round 2, how could you trust someone who had left you hanging like that?

Space is something we all deserve, but if he wanted to think about your relationship and take some time out for himself, a little heads up and warning would be more than necessary instead of leaving you clueless and worried. Even in hard times and when prioritizing ourselves, a little communication is necessary. Or at least polite.

On to your pet – I would honestly have a good think about contacting law enforcement in your area and filing a theft report. Give him a heads up and allow him the opportunity to return 1. the cat, 2. your stuff, but be aware that you might need to take it to the next level and involve the police if you keep being met with radio silence.

Hopefully, the threat of outside involvement is enough for him to get himself into gear and at least return to you what you’re owed!

You mention that a lot of this stuff is ‘shared’ so it might not be as easy as returning whole items, but try to work out how much you both invested and how much return you might be looking at.

And for your sake, I hope your kitty is microchipped and in your name!

On the apartment, getting into long leases with new partners can be a headache. Focus on getting your stolen items and pet for now, and then have a read of your lease agreements. Often, these things come with break clauses or other terms in which you can get out early or get someone to assume your tenancy.

Otherwise, fingers crossed your landlord is sympathetic to bad breakups!

Sending strength,

Evie

Do you have a question for Evie? If you would like advice from Evie, fill out the form here or send your problem to askevie@ideapod.com.

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Ask Evie

Evie is on a mission to revolutionize relationships and help you sort through your emotional woes. Her popular column helps readers break free from societal restraints and create empowering relationships - both with their inner selves and with those around them. With a wealth of experience in relationship counseling, backed by several professional certifications, she’s open-minded, big-hearted, and extremely compassionate… But she’ll also be completely honest in telling you the (sometimes) brutal truth, so you can get straight to the heart of the matter. Maybe you’re trying to save a marriage that currently feels like a sinking ship? Or worrying that your new friend isn’t quite as nice as they seem? Perhaps you’ve accidentally killed your partner’s goldfish and are weighing up the pros and cons of going to the pet store and finding a doppelganger, or fessing up? Whatever the dilemma, Evie’s at the ready to help sort through the emotional turmoil and guide you towards the next best step. To get in touch with Evie, click here.

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