9 possible reasons your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually (and what to do)

You don’t feel wanted. Your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel excited or desired sexually.

Why does this happen?

One of the reasons could be that he just doesn’t know what he’s doing sexually. I know this can sound grim and hopeless, but it’s not! You can work to help him figure out what you need in and out of bed.

So, let’s get to the bottom of these 9 possible reasons your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually:

1) He doesn’t know what you like

Listen, the simple truth could be that he doesn’t know what you like. Your boyfriend may not know how to express his desire for you in a way that you’d perceive as positive.

To test if this is true, ask yourself whether he has ever made you feel wanted sexually. If he hasn’t, then this may be why.

If he has, then maybe something else is happening in his life that’s causing this. Like what?

Although you might not want to hear this, he may have lost his sexual interest in you. But more about that later.

What to do about it?

Make sure you talk openly with him about what you like and what you enjoy.

Give your boyfriend a list of things that make you feel turned on, like specific things you want him to do with his hands, mouth, or body parts.

Don’t be afraid to give your boyfriend a detailed account of how something made you feel. This will ensure he’s on the same page as you.

However, try to approach this topic with tact. You don’t want to make him feel insecure by being too direct.

He might not even realize that you think something is wrong until you bring this topic up. So, what I’m trying to say is he might be surprised – and not in a good way.

2) He is a shy guy

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Men are often more introverted than women and less comfortable with their bodies. They’re also more likely to feel insecure in the bedroom and worry about whether they’re good enough or not.

If your boyfriend comes across as a shy guy, he might be uncomfortable making advances on you because he thinks he would look silly or be bad at it. He may have feelings of shame or too much anxiety.

If he doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually, he may feel vulnerable in bed. And if he feels awkward expressing his desires, he might not try being sexual with you.

He might be afraid that you’ll reject him and make him feel even worse than before.

Or, maybe he thinks that any attempt to express his desire for sex would humiliate him and that he wouldn’t be able to recover from it.

What to do about it?

Learn how to approach a shy guy and find ways to make him feel more comfortable talking about sex.

Be careful, however, not to make him feel bad about himself. Remember that he’s not a bad person. He may be feeling vulnerable, but he isn’t worthless for feeling this way.

With a little bit of kindness, you can help him come out of his shell and start expressing his desire for you and sex in a positive way.

3) He is an insecure guy

I don’t mean to be a downer, but this is a potential reason why your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually.

He may have some insecurities about his sexual performance or physical appearance that he might not be able to overcome.

To be more precise, he might be unwilling to confront these inner insecurities and work on them. He may be too embarrassed to acknowledge them.

Although you might not want to hear this, he may feel that by displaying his vulnerability, he would make himself even more vulnerable. To him, this would be a bad thing.

What to do about it?

Find ways that will help your boyfriend face his insecurities head-on (without making him feel bad). It’s time for him to be open about his feelings and ask for help from someone he trusts.

Research has shown that there are ways to work through sexual insecurities.

Men can go to therapy and overcome them. They can discuss their feelings with their partners, or they can turn to self-help books that will guide them through the process.

So, don’t just sit around and wait for him to put this off forever.

Also, if he’s willing, you can read a book together about sexual intimacy. You can work through any emotional barriers that may be blocking his ability to make you feel wanted sexually.

4) Get tailor-made advice for your situation

While the reasons in this article will help you understand why your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at the worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years – including sexual things.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with figuring out what to do, too.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

5) You didn’t react well in the past

Let me ask you this: has your boyfriend ever tried to make you feel wanted sexually?

If he has, then maybe you rejected him once in the past and you don’t even remember it. At that time, you may have triggered feelings of anger, being rejected, and hurt feelings in him.

And this could be the reason why he stopped trying. You see, for some men, one rejection is enough to discourage them from trying to make you feel wanted.

Emotional rejection can, ironically, make a man feel unwanted. He may think to himself, “If I try again and get rejected again, then she’ll never want me.” So, he avoids trying altogether.

So, what to do about it?

The first thing to do is to make sure you don’t reject him.

If you’re not sure, then try asking your boyfriend if he ever tried to make you feel wanted. If he has, then all you need to do is ask him if he’s willing to try again.

And, most importantly, encourage him if he does try again and does it well. You can let him know that you appreciated his efforts and how good he made you feel.

6) Your boyfriend doesn’t want you sexually

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Want the brutal truth? Your boyfriend may not make you feel wanted sexually because he doesn’t want you sexually.

I know this is hard to hear, but it could be your reality. If he doesn’t want you sexually, then he won’t try to make you feel wanted. He may avoid being sexual with you and avoid certain sexual activities altogether.

When a man experiences this, he may feel ashamed or embarrassed by it. He may be afraid that his girlfriend will eventually get tired of hearing the same excuse over and over again.

And if he feels this way, he may think that the best course of action is to avoid the situation altogether.

What to do about it?

If your boyfriend suddenly becomes distant and stops putting any effort into making you feel sexually attracted to him, then you’ll want to talk with him about this.

You can ask him directly if he’s experiencing any sort of sexual problem. You can also ask him what he hopes to get from you sexually.

If talking doesn’t work, you can try to make yourself more sexually desirable and see how he reacts.


Dress more attractively around him, wear red lipstick, wear sexy lingerie, and make a pact to rub yourself down with oils or lotion for softer skin.

However, if the situation doesn’t improve in any way then you’ll have to move on from this relationship because there’s nothing to be gained from it.

7) He has other interests or hobbies that take precedence over sexual intimacy

This may be tough for some of you to hear too, but your boyfriend might be putting your needs aside when it comes to sex.

Why is that?

Well, he may simply want to do other things with you that don’t involve him making you feel wanted sexually.

And if he’s doing this because he wants to spend time with you, then it’s not such a bad thing. You should be happy that your boyfriend wants to spend so much time with you.

But, if his habits start to take precedence over almost all things sexual, then there might be something else going on in the relationship.

What to do about it?

If you truly care about your boyfriend and want to make him feel wanted, then you’ll want to be his best friend.

You’ll want him to spend time with you doing things that don’t involve sex at all. If he’s happy spending time with you in non-sexual ways, then that’s great!

However, it would also be advisable to make him understand that you value the intimacy part and that you need that as well.

He could be an asexual person, which means he has no sexual attraction to anyone at all. I don’t know how you would deal with that.

8) He has other personal issues that he’s not dealing with

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Want to know more?

This could be another reason why your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually. He may have other issues in his life that he’s not dealing with and they’re affecting the way he treats you.

For example, he may have unresolved anger issues stemming from childhood trauma. And these could be affecting his ability to give you what you need sexually and emotionally.

On the other hand, he may have ongoing problems at work that are taking all his energy and focus. If this is the case, then he probably isn’t even thinking about you sexually.

What to do about it?

If your boyfriend is dealing with severe personal issues, like anger issues or having a really difficult time at work, then you’ll have to deal with these first.

Your best bet is to encourage him to seek help from a counselor or therapist. They will be able to help him resolve these problems and make him feel like he’s more in control of his life.

Or, you could invite him to open up to you about what’s going on. You could even offer to help him with his problems by listening, offering advice, and being a shoulder for him to lean on.

9) Your boyfriend’s libido is low

A man’s low libido can be caused by multiple things, including:

If your boyfriend has any of these issues or you suspect that he’s having any of these, then it would be best for you to talk with him about it.

The good news is that the majority of guys have an abundance of sexual energy. The real issue is how they deal with this energy and if they use it properly.

What to do about it?

You can help your boyfriend deal with his libido by encouraging him to open up and discuss what’s going on. If he’s worried about his erectile function or performance, you could encourage him to seek medical help.

You could also encourage him to talk with a therapist or counselor. In fact, it would be best if he sees a therapist first because they can help him identify and deal with any underlying issues that are causing his low libido.

But regardless of what you do, you can only be a great friend if you love your boyfriend unconditionally. And that means that you must put his needs ahead of your own – at least for a little while.

In conclusion

By now, you should be starting to see why your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually.

Depending on his reasons, you can help him out by encouraging him to go to counseling or by helping him with his problems.

If your boyfriend experiences no issues and yet still doesn’t make you feel wanted sexually, then that could be because he’s simply not capable of it.

If that’s the case, then you’ll need to accept it or move on because there’s nothing more you can do.

Picture of Daniela Duca Damian

Daniela Duca Damian

I’m Daniela, a passionate writer with an academic background in journalism. My work is based on research and facts. In recent years I have focused on the study of interpersonal relationships, analyzing, and writing about aspects related to social connections, romantic relationships, but also personal development. My goal is to decipher the most confusing concepts so that anyone who is interested in living a better and fulfilled life can apply them. When I’m not writing, I challenge my friends with meaningful questions about life.

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