So, you’ve just had your heart ripped out of your chest and are completely devastated! You’re searching for answers, trying to make it all make sense and, you’re formulating a plan to get him back.
If this is you, you’re in the right place. This article will provide you with some great practical tips on the subject and will help you to find some healing.
Let’s dive in.
1) Change your perception about what you want.
What you think about and how you feel about your boyfriend is based on your perception of his behavior.
You might have thought that getting back together with him would be easy, but this could be a big mistake/ because even though it might seem like he has changed his mind on his actions, he may still be looking down on you and punishing you instead of just giving up on the relationship altogether.
2) Accept that you have lost him.
This might be devastating, but it’s the truth and the sooner you can accept this truth the easier it will become to move forward with your life.
Trying to get your ex back right now will only bring doubt that he is gone for good, so take some time for yourself and heal before trying anything else.
3) Understand your inner self.
Once you have accepted your ex’s decision and you have shown him that he has hurt you too many times and that his actions will not be tolerated anymore, it’s time to look inside and find out why you are still in love with him.
What holds your attention about the person, and what feelings or thoughts keep going back to him? Look at the reasons behind his behavior, so that you might learn from it and know how to tackle it from now on.
4) Build your confidence.
Being dumped isn’t the best pick me up and your self confidence is bound to take quite a knock.
This is the perfect time to get back in touch with yourself and to rediscover your strengths. Take the time to rediscover who you are and what you like about yourself.
It’s also a good time to take a look at the area’s that you want to improve. Remember, a breakup is brutal but it’s a great way to learn about yourself. Use the lesson and build your confidence.
5) Smile more.
Smile more, laugh more, be yourself more. A breakup can seem like the end of the world and you can start to feel really negative about life.
Don’t let it get you down! Life is full of ups and downs, so it’s good to remember that many things can’t be controlled but what is under your control is how you react to them.
Give yourself some love and support and stop thinking about him as much as possible. Have new hobbies, and be active.
6) Don’t hold a grudge.
Nothing screams bitter, scorned woman more than holding a grudge! It’s a bad look and it also makes you look really desperate.
Yes, I know…If you have had a bad experience with someone in the past, you may want to hold on to it, but don’t.
Holding on to the past will only hurt you in the long run.
You should be looking for new experiences and new people to share your life with! The future is full of possibilities so grasp it and make it yours.
If you can do this you will feel happier and energized again!
7) Get out and meet new people.
It sounds like the last thing you want to do and I know that sitting around in your PJ’s watching the office is all you want to do right now but you need to get out there.
You need to get out of the house and get a change in your life.
Worrying about his behavior might make you feel helpless and pitiful but this kind of negative mindset will only serve to make you more depressed.
Go out with a friend and do something that you enjoy. If you’re single, go on dates! Your time as a single will pass fairly quickly so take advantage of it while it lasts.
8) Regain your independence.
If you’ve been a couple for a long time then it’s easy to lose your sense of independence and to become almost dependent on one another but this isn’t the way to be.
You cannot always rely on your boyfriend or husband to come through for you and in life, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet.
This is something that you learned when you were a kid, perhaps from having a strong father or mother figure that helped guide you along the way.
Regardless, losing your other half can be a reality check, especially if you’re used to him doing things for you like fixing things around the house or paying certain bills, etc. It’s time to don those big girl panties and learn how to do things on your own.
At the end of the day, no one is coming for you. You can only save yourself.
9) Look forward, not back.
Don’t look back and think about what you could have done differently. You should be looking forward and thinking of what you will do to make sure that this doesn’t happen again.
I touched on this earlier but it’s all about learning from the experience. You could go through a list as thick as the bible about coulda, shoulda, woulda. What matters is the now and what matters is picking yourself up and reinventing yourself.
Be the best possible version of yourself for you. Not for someone else.
10) Appreciate yourself.
Take the time to look in the mirror and appreciate the person that you are. Appreciate your looks. Appreciate your smell. Appreciate your history. Appreciate where you come from and all of the things that you have accomplished in life so far.
You made it this far, so do not ever stop, don’t ever give up, even if he has!
Now might be a great time to change up your look. Get that turquoise hair, buy the shoes and treat yourself to an all day spa package.
Whatever it takes, be sure that you treat yourself kindly and with love.
11) Build yourself back up.
You’ve made it through the first ten days of dealing with a breakup, so now you need to start building yourself back up.
Start looking for the positives about yourself and about your life. If you keep focusing on all of the bad, then you aren’t going to feel any better and you’ll eventually slip into depression.
You have to be able to find some sense of peace within yourself in order to move forward.
Accept who you are and learn from your past mistakes.
12) Unleash the ugly cry.
No matter how hard you will try, you will have those days when you just sob your heart out while listening to sad music. Get yourself in front of the computer, or get a big bottle of wine and let it all out. You deserve it!
Being dumped sux and sometimes you need to let it all out and that’s fine. Crying is a great form of emotional release and it’s going to help you feel better in the long run.
The key to this is that you can’t let yourself go for too long. It’s not good for you to spend too much time wallowing about it. Sure, downtime is a great thing but look at the opportunities ahead of you.
You have so much potential and I know that your ex didn’t give you your best because he is busy rethinking his life and maybe even looking at other people.
All I’m saying is that it’s normal and it’s ok to do (in moderation)
13) Get to know yourself again.
Take this time to learn more about you! Think back on your life and reflect on your experiences. How have they shaped you in the long run? What are some of your favorite memories?
Every life experience, good or bad, should be used as a learning tool. Just think of all of the things that you have gotten out of bad relationships or any other negative experiences in your life.
Also, you’ll find that you were a very different person when you started dating this guy and like a fine wine you’ve matured. Change and development are natural processes and this is a prime opportunity for growth.
14) Understand that you can do better.
Since feelings of rejection are some of the strongest feelings out there, it’s easy to lose sight of how great they actually were.
But it’s important to remember that there will be other guys in your life and they will see you differently than your ex did. And although it might be hard to believe right now, in time you will learn wThat a good relationship is supposed to feel like.
If it takes tremendous effort and exhausts you, then was it really the best relationship?
Loving relationships should feel effortless, if you’re nodding your head along, girl, you’ve dodged a bullet!
15) Find something new to love.
The best way to get over a heartache? Get yourself a new hobby! Whether it’s reading, writing, baking, or learning how to play the clarinet (kidding…only kidding!), anything is good for you.
You need something that you can focus on and that can take your mind off of him for a bit.
The point is, do something to distract yourself from the heartache and don’t let the heartache ruin your life.
But don’t let it define you either! Do something that makes you happy and if he was a catalyst for this, then why not share this joy with others?
Why not help others? Why not make a difference? You’re still helping yourself in the long term, even if right now life is a little challenging.
16) Stay away from social media.
Don’t be tempted to be a troll and post loads of personal stuff online. It’s incredibly tacky and the internet never dies. You will have to live with whatever you post until the day you close your eyes.
If you absolutely feel the need to post something, then be sure that you do not mention any names. The same goes for photos.
It might be a good idea to stay away from social media altogether.
17) Surround yourself with positive people.
Good vibes only!
As you will soon begin to realize, your friends will be one of the biggest ways that you cope with this breakup, and they can be so incredibly helpful to you on the long-term journey back to a more happy life.
Talk to them about everything from school and work to the latest adventure that you had (whether it was good or bad).
You will find that it’s important to stay positive in order to fight off the blues. And definitely don’t let yourself get down and depressed because you feel like shit. I know that this process might seem like it will take forever, but you have to remember that every day is a new day where you can move forward.
Second take – How to make him want you more!
Ok, so maybe the break-up was a little premature, and perhaps now that you have had time apart, you might be wanting to revisit the relationship and give it another go.
If he’s on board to give it another shot, there are a few things you can do to aid you in winning him back.
But, if he’s not interested, there’s nothing you can do or say that will bring him back. You cannot force someone to love you so rather, focus your energy elsewhere.
Don’t be too available.
One of the ways that you can stop the chase is by not being too available to your ex.
This doesn’t mean that you have to remove your Facebook profile or hide away from him, but make sure you are busy with other things as well.
Go out with your friends, see movies or spend time with family and do this at least when he is not around.
Always look amazing.
Men are visual creatures and they need to be reminded of how great you look.
Dress up, even if it is just a nice pair of jeans and a shirt.
Like I said before, more is better so when your ex sees you looking stunning, he will remember the trophy that he should have won and want to come back.
Begging does not work and will only make you look desperate.
If you have tried everything else and he still goes back to the ex, then your only option is to start fresh. You know what you need to do now and that is learning from your mistakes, take control of your life again, find someone new who really makes you happy, and get on with life.
You are a strong, independent woman, so if you want to get him back and make things work again, there’s no way he will stay away from you.
This breakup was clearly a one-sided affair and the only way that you can correct it is by being the person you wanted him to be. A good girl with her head on her shoulders…what more could a man ask for?
You want to be nice and friendly, but not too flirty or overbearing.
Don’t make it seem like you’re hanging onto every word and forcing out your laugh at everything he says. This will have the opposite effect. Instead, pull yourself together, look your best and try to keep the relationship light.
And while you’re being cool, calm, and collected, make him feel like you need him and just can’t simply come right without him.
Yes, we love getting gifts and flowers but how’s about showing him some love in the form of a gift?
Men won’t often admit it but they’re just as eager to receive gifts as we are.
So, surprise him with his favorite cologne or tickets to his favorite sports game.
Whatever it may be, if you show him that you have been thinking of him and are willing to spend money on him, he’ll take note of that.
Take your time.
There’s no race so hold you horses.
Don’t feel like you have to rush back into a relationship just because he’s available again. Take your time and don’t rush the relationship and don’t feel like you have to be with him immediately.
You both need time and space to get to know each other again. This is especially important for you because it’s a completely new relationship.
You want to make sure that he is the right guy for you, that he is a good husband, father, son-in-law, etc.
In the end, if he’s broken it up for good, it’s best just to let bygones be.
But, if you’re going to give the relationship another stab go forth with the information that I’ve given you in this article
Make him want you harder by triggering his hero instinct.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.