9 mistakes people with high emotional walls tend to make in relationships

Navigating relationships when you have high emotional walls is a tricky game.

Those of us with high emotional walls often make certain mistakes that can sabotage our relationships without us even realizing it.

This article, titled “9 mistakes people with high emotional walls tend to make in relationships”, is about identifying these errors and understanding how to avoid them for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

1) Avoiding vulnerability

You see, vulnerability is scary. It’s like opening the doors of your heart and inviting someone else in, trusting them not to break anything.

In a relationship, however, vulnerability is essential. It allows us to connect more deeply with our partners and fosters a sense of intimacy.

But for those of us with high emotional walls, we guard against it. We keep our feelings and thoughts locked up tight, thinking that we’re protecting ourselves.

The irony is that by avoiding vulnerability, we’re actually doing more harm than good. We’re sabotaging our chances for true connection and intimacy in our relationships.

Recognize this pattern, it might be time to start taking down those walls, brick by brick. Yes, it’s scary. But it could also lead to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship than you’ve ever imagined.

2) Overthinking things

I’ll share a personal example. In a past relationship, I remember constantly analyzing every little thing my partner said or did. If they seemed a little distant one day, my mind would immediately jump to worst-case scenarios. I’d overthink it to the point where I’d convince myself they were going to leave me.

Rather than discussing my fears with them and seeking reassurance, I’d let these thoughts fester, creating unnecessary anxiety and strain on the relationship.

Overthinking not only magnifies our fears but also prevents us from being present in the relationship. It robs us of the joy of simply being with our partners because we’re too busy worrying about what might go wrong.

Sounds familiar?

It’s crucial to learn how to manage this habit. Practicing mindfulness, communicating openly with your partner, and seeking professional help if necessary are some ways to combat overthinking.

3) Fear of abandonment

Did you know that fear of abandonment is a type of anxiety disorder that can cause significant distress in relationships?

This fear is often rooted in past experiences and can lead to unhealthy behaviors in relationships. For those with high emotional walls, this fear can be particularly intense.

We might cling too tightly to our partners, constantly needing reassurance of their love and commitment. We might also interpret innocent actions as signs of impending abandonment, causing unnecessary conflict.

It’s essential to seek help in managing and overcoming this fear to foster healthier relationships.

4) Difficulty expressing emotions

People with high emotional walls often struggle with expressing their emotions. This isn’t because we don’t feel things deeply – quite the opposite, in fact. But we’ve become so used to guarding our feelings that sharing them feels like an insurmountable task.

We might worry about burdening our partners with our emotions, or we might fear that revealing our true feelings will make us an easy target for hurt. The result is a partner who is left feeling confused and shut out, and a relationship that lacks emotional depth.

Learning to express emotions in a healthy way is key for those of us with high emotional walls. It may take time and practice, but the benefits to our relationships – and to our own mental and emotional health – are well worth it.

5) Lack of trust

Trust is the lifeblood of any relationship. It’s what allows us to feel safe, loved, and understood in our interactions with others. But for those carrying high emotional walls, trust can be a difficult thing to give.

We may have been hurt in the past and fear being hurt again. As a result, we hold back, not fully trusting our partners even when they’ve done nothing to betray our trust. This lack of trust can lead to tension, conflict, and ultimately damage the relationship.

Here’s a thing, not everyone will hurt us as others might have in the past. Building trust takes time and patience, but it’s an essential part of forming a healthy and lasting relationship.

6) Pushing people away

Push partner away 9 mistakes people with high emotional walls tend to make in relationships

We do it in an attempt to protect ourselves. It’s as if we believe that if we keep others at arm’s length, we can avoid the pain of potential heartbreak. But in doing so, we inadvertently create a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.

Imagine a friend reaching out to you, wanting to comfort you during a difficult time. But instead of accepting their help, you retreat further into your shell. That friend might feel rejected and distanced, and over time, they might stop reaching out altogether.

This is the heartache of having high emotional walls. We yearn for connection, but our defenses can push away the very people we long to be close to.

It’s a tough cycle to break. Acknowledging this pattern is the first step towards letting people in and fostering meaningful relationships.

7) Sabotaging the relationship

There was a time when I found myself constantly picking fights and creating drama in my relationship. I didn’t understand why I was doing it, but it felt like I had no control over it.

Looking back, it was a form of self-sabotage. I was so afraid of getting hurt that I chose to hurt the relationship first. It was as if I was trying to prove that the relationship was doomed from the start, just to avoid the potential pain of it ending unexpectedly later.

The sad part is that this behavior can drive away a loving and understanding partner, leaving us with the very heartbreak we were trying to avoid.

Self-awareness is key in overcoming this behavior. Recognizing when you’re sabotaging your relationships and seeking professional help can pave the way for healthier interactions with your partner.

8) Misinterpreting actions

Another common mistake those with high emotional walls make is misinterpreting actions. We tend to read too much into things, often perceiving negative intent where there is none.

For example, if our partner forgets to call one day, we might immediately think they’re losing interest or no longer care about us. But in reality, they might have just been swamped with work or dealing with a personal issue.

This habit of misinterpretation can fuel unnecessary conflict and tension in the relationship. It’s important to communicate openly with our partner and not jump to conclusions without understanding the full context.

9) Neglecting self-care

When we’re so focused on protecting ourselves from potential hurt, it’s easy to neglect our own needs and wellbeing. We might avoid activities we enjoy, isolate ourselves from friends and family, or ignore our physical health – all in the name of self-preservation.

Neglecting self-care can have serious consequences on our mental and emotional health. Taking care of ourselves isn’t a selfish act. It’s necessary for our overall health and well-being, and it can actually strengthen our relationships by making us happier and more fulfilled individuals.

Final thoughts: Embrace the journey

The human heart is both fragile and resilient. It can endure great pain, yet still long for connection and love. For those of us with high emotional walls, the journey to a healthy relationship might seem daunting – but it’s not impossible.

Recognizing these mistakes is the first step towards change. With self-awareness, patience, and perhaps some professional guidance, we can learn to lower our walls and open ourselves up to the possibility of deeper connections.

Let’s begin by accepting our high emotional walls as part of our journey, not as a life sentence. Let’s acknowledge our past hurts but also recognize our capacity for growth and healing. And let’s remember that every step we take towards dismantling these walls brings us closer to the meaningful relationships we all deserve.

It won’t always be easy – but then again, the most worthwhile journeys rarely are.

Picture of Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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