Midlife crisis husband wants a divorce: Symptoms, what to do

A midlife crisis can be a transformative time, both for men and women.  It’s a time when people reflect on their accomplishments, goals, and overall satisfaction with life. 

However, for some, this introspection can lead to psychological turmoil and problems within their marriage and relationships. 

In this article, we will explore the symptoms of a midlife crisis where a husband wants a divorce. We’ll also discuss what to do in such a situation. 

By understanding the unique dynamics of a midlife crisis and actively seeking solutions, couples can emerge with a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

To start off, here are six common symptoms that men show when going through this kind of crisis in their lives. 

1) Too much overthinking

During a midlife crisis, a man can feel like everything is changing way too fast for him to keep up. 

At this moment, it’s easy to think that this is happening because of a mistake from the past.  

He might think that getting married was one of these mistakes. 

Most of the time, this isn’t true at all. 

If you’re trying to help your husband through this challenging moment, remind him of the good times you’ve shared, and tell him that your marriage was never a bad choice. 

2) He’s apathetic 

If your husband has suddenly lost interest in every activity he used to love, even in his job, it might be a warning sign: an emotional crisis is coming. 

Apathy is a tricky state to be in because it’s often the time when getting help is crucial. 

If you want to help an apathetic husband, make sure he can get some professional help as soon as possible to get through his low moments. 

One thing he can start with is watching a life-changing seminar led by renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.

Why do I call it “life-changing”?

Because it sure did change my own life.

Rudá promotes self-discovery, and he strongly believes we have all the answers within. 

And while it may sound like typical advice from someone who doesn’t want to go deep into the root of the problem, it’s actually quite the opposite.

Often, the answer to our struggles lies within ourselves. And this is very true when a man goes through a midlife crisis.

It may be scary and really hard to deal with all the emotions alone, so why not seek help from someone known to help others in similar situations?

Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, that love may not be what we think it is!

He talks about codependency (the issue so many of us experience in our relationships) and gives practical advice on how to deal with struggles and difficulties in life.

He gives a very interesting perspective on how things may turn in your favor if you start having a better relationship with yourself and understand the reasons for your disturbing actions.

He offers some good advice, and I strongly recommend you send this link to your husband if he’s going through hard times. He might just find the answers to the questions that bother him.

Click here to watch the free video.

3) He’s hurting the people he loves

When middle-aged people divorce, it’s often not because of a bad marriage. Most of the time, it’s because one of them is going through a midlife crisis

When divorcees were asked about their biggest regret after divorcing, many of them replied, “Hurting my loved ones.” 

It’s okay to want to make changes in our lives, but if this is going to be a journey of self-discovery, it’s better to make a choice that won’t hurt someone else. 

If your husband is in this state of mind, help him get out of his shell and show him how loved he is, not just by you but by his friends and family. 

You can also recommend him to watch this helpful video by Justin Brown, and he might get the answers he’s looking for.

YouTube video

4) He says “no” more often

Not everything about a midlife crisis is a bad thing. 

If a man has been struggling with boundary-setting and suddenly feels more confident, it can be great!

For some men, a midlife crisis can involve new relationships, adventures, traveling to new places, or changing the way they look at things. 

For others, it can be about setting good boundaries and seeking healthier relationships with a partner, friends, or family. 

5) He is taking things too seriously

A midlife crisis can be scary, both for your husband and for you. When somebody fears that they’ve never made a good choice, they can destroy everything good in their lives. 

Nobody has to make a choice based on fear. 

If your husband is assuming that divorce is the only choice after a “bad” marriage,” he’s not in a great mental spot, and neither are you. 

Negative feelings are pumped while going through a midlife crisis, and when this phase ends, people have to face the consequences of their actions. 

6) He has idealistic fantasies

A midlife crisis can manifest in different ways: some people want to fix stuff they’ve carried around their entire lives. Others just want to start over and find a new life. 

Having unrealistic wishes is setting ourselves up to fail. Unattainable desires feel like a failure, but they’re just self-fulfilled prophecies. 

If your husband wishes for something completely new, even if it means he’ll divorce you, try to make him see that a drastic change like this might not solve his problems. 

Consider these points as well:

  • If he regrets divorcing after his midlife crisis is over, he’ll have to rebuild or lose relationships. 
  • Midlife crises, while not easy to go through, can be managed with some extra help. 
  • You’re there for him, and he needs to get back to reality and really understand the consequences of his actions.

Let’s define a midlife crisis

A midlife crisis is, essentially, a phase when people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s reevaluate their entire lives, often trying to make sense of their future now that they’re starting a new phase. 

They’re often at the tail end of their careers and facing the struggles of aging

It’s a difficult time that can bring on mental struggles and illnesses like these:

  • Prolonged periods of negative emotions;
  • Emotional turmoil;
  • Health issues;
  • Anxiety;
  • Depression.

The symptoms can differ between people, so the best bet is to find a good, reliable mental health professional and get help. 

Although it’s not a great moment to go through, it’s better to do it with someone to guide you through it. 

What to do if your partner is going through a midlife crisis

This type of crisis can be challenging for the families and wives of the men experiencing it. 

Mostly it’s because it’s easy to feel insulted and abandoned if your husband starts reevaluating your entire relationship in a negative light

It’s important to remember that people can rarely control what they feel or their thoughts. 

These are some of the things you can do to help your spouse through a midlife crisis and explore the future together: 

  • Don’t ignore the issue. Bring up the fact that he’s behaving differently and that you’re willing to talk if they need to. 
  • Let him know that you’re there for him. Men tend to go to their “cave” to think about serious stuff. Simply letting him know he can still reach out to you when he feels like it will mean a lot to him.
  • Talk to him, heart to heart. Ask about his needs for the relationship and what he wants from you especially. Be respectful if he asks for you to stay out of his process. 
  • Reevaluate your own feelings. If he’s been involved with somebody else, you need to reevaluate your marriage and see if you’re willing to give him a second chance or not. 
  • Offer to get professional help. For some men, going through a midlife crisis is scary and painful. If he doesn’t have the tools to regulate his emotions, it can lead to problems with you.
  • Don’t start arguments or provoke him if he’s feeling low or agitated. This isn’t about you; it’s about how he’s evaluating what he’s gone through in life. Make sure to mention that you’re open to talking and reconnecting if he is willing.  
  • Take some time and care for your emotional state. If he’s not behaving healthily, find a way to support him and yourself. 
  • Remember that it isn’t your job to be a therapist for your partner. He has to go through this on his own, and you can be there for him when he needs to. 
  • Never let him disrespect you. Yes, he’s going through a midlife crisis but still needs to treat you with respect

How can a midlife crisis end up in divorce?

midlife crisis husband wants divorce 1 Midlife crisis husband wants a divorce: Symptoms, what to do

The sad truth is that if your husband is going through a midlife crisis, it could end your marriage and leave you both feeling sad and confused. 

One of the spouses might feel abandoned, and the person in a crisis can make too many changes without really thinking over the consequences. Some of these changes may be:

  • Buying new expensive things without consulting with their spouse;
  • Changing their job without having a plan for the future;
  • Cheating or getting involved in an affair;
  • Ending relationships with common friends without reason.

One or all of these things can make a wife reevaluate the relationship. Saving a marriage has to be a joint effort, not something only one of the partners’ job. 

People going through a midlife crisis can get angry or irritable easily, their moods changing without a moment’s notice. 

If their partner wants to talk to them, it might lead to a harsh exchange of words or even a silent treatment.

It’s not a good idea to make radical decisions at this moment. 

Avoiding divorce when going through a midlife crisis 

There are several strategies to avoid divorcing but remember: a successful marriage is a team effort, not something you can do on your own. 

If your husband doesn’t even want to start evaluating your life together, it will be difficult. 

The ideal situation is when you’ve already established healthy boundaries with one another and know what to expect from each other. This way, you can work together through anything. 

If a marriage has deteriorated too much after a midlife crisis, the person going through it might seek a divorce, but their partner might already be willing to start the process. 

Saving your marriage

First of all, saving a marriage will take effort and some time. 

The first step is to identify what’s the cause of this midlife crisis. It’s crucial to support your partner how he needs to be supported, and not how you want to support him. 

Another fundamental thing is to react with reason and not with our emotions. Your husband is already having issues with his emotional state, and you have to be the bigger person. 

The third step is to bring in a therapist. 

A midlife crisis can find its origin in childhood wounds, and a skilled psychologist or psychiatrist will have the tools necessary to deal with such trauma. These issues have to be dealt with to live a better life. 

Each marriage is a world of its own. Some partners might come back from a midlife crisis with changes in their beliefs or behaviors; others might push for a divorce. 

In either case, it’s necessary to adapt.  

To sum up

A midlife crisis is only funny when we watch it on TV, in sitcoms, or in movies, but in real life? 

It’s terrible. 

For most men, this is a moment of regret, sorrow, dealing with loss, and reflecting on their lives. 

No matter what, there are experts and a lot of people out there willing to support anyone who’s going through it. You and your partner don’t have to do this alone!

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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