Men who take commitment seriously never display these 8 behaviors, according to psychology

If you’re a woman who wants to have a stable and secure relationship, you’d want to find a man who takes commitment seriously.

But let’s face it— it’s not easy these days.

How do you avoid the wishy-washy toxic ones who are still playing the field? 

According to psychology, men who take commitment seriously NEVER display these 8 behaviors.

1) Love bombing

Are you worried because your boyfriend hasn’t mentioned the M word even after a year of dating?

What if I tell you it’s not because he can’t commit, but it’s actually because he takes commitment seriously?

A love bomber gives excessive affection and promises too early in the relationship. 

While this kind of devotion is irresistible, look out.

According to licensed therapist Tabitha Westbrook, “It’s very unlikely the person really can love you more than anything in the world in 2 weeks.”

Real relationships take time to develop.

And a man who values commitment knows this.

So even though he’s attracted to you in the first weeks, he would be moderate with his professions of love. 

I asked my boyfriend about this. He said he was serious with his feelings since day one. But he only talked about marriage and kids in our third year.

I asked him why and he said “Well,  love is one thing, real commitment is another.”

And if you’re a person who’s serious about commitment, you’d agree too.

2) Playing hot and cold

One week he wants a daily phone call before you both go to sleep.

Then he doesn’t reply for days…and then suddenly he gives you flowers. Then he goes MIA again.

Whether it’s intentional or not, it can drive anyone crazy.

It may be because they’re not entirely sure what they want or need, but it’s far more likely that they have commitment issues

And it’s why they are being inconsistent with their level of affection towards you.

They’ll come on strong but quickly lose interest just a few weeks later.

This playing hot and cold behavior is so common that social scientist Jeremy Sherman even coined a term for it—bipolar ambigamy

And while it’s possible they’re acting that way due to trauma, it’s still a red flag if he lacks the self-awareness to seek help.  

You can be compassionate about it, but if you’ve raised the concern and there’s still no change, keep your distance until he’s ready to be consistent with you.

3) Talking about their partner in a bad light

When we’re seriously committed to our partner, we tend to speak about them in the most positive light, according to research by psychologists Samantha Joel and Geoff Macdonald.

If a man is seriously committed to you, nine times out of ten, he sees the best in you and sings praises about you.

So if a man badmouths and belittles their partner while they’re together with other people, or worse— talks sh*t behind her back— it’s a warning.

This man is not just lacking in commitment, they’re also likely manipulative and abusive, too.

“A deep appreciation and acknowledgment of each other’s qualities, even when not in each other’s presence…is a great sign of commitment,” according to marriage and family therapist Christopher Vo.

So even when they say it’s just a joke, this could be a sign that they’re not that committed to you.

4) Getting too “friendly” with someone else

pic2505 Men who take commitment seriously never display these 8 behaviors, according to psychology

Men who take commitment seriously don’t ever play with fire.

Once you’ve both decided to be in a committed relationship, they set firm boundaries with others.

If they can sense that someone is flirting with them, they’ll pull away.

They’ll even limit their interaction if another woman is a boundary crosser, or is blatantly trying to seduce him.

On top of that, a man who is seriously committed doesn’t let his partner lose sleep with worry and jealousy. He tells the truth and doesn’t make her doubt his integrity. 

They do this not only to protect their partner’s feelings, but also for the relationship they are building together. 

For him, it’s basic. 

He’s in a committed relationship and no longer keeping his options open.

And if people would hate him or think he’s unfriendly for setting boundaries, so be it.

5) Refraining from using “We” and “Ours”

“How was your trip to Bali?,” I asked a friend and their boyfriend. 

“WE had so much fun. WE loved the food!,” my friend responded.”

But the guy? “I enjoyed it so much. I liked Mt. Uluwatu…”

Less than two months later, they broke up because the guy wasn’t seriously committed at all.

Research affirms the power of ‘we’ in long-term relationships, as a marker of “the shift from self-oriented to relationship oriented.”

These pronouns also signal a person’s “attachment style,” according to a study published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science.

The findings showed people with “anxious and avoidant” attachment style steered clear from the pronoun “we,” and chose to use “I” when talking about romantic relationships.

With over 1,400 observations drawn from seven studies, you can bet it’s legit research.

So does this mean that a fearful avoidant guy can’t ever take commitment seriously?

Of course not.

He probably WANTS to commit but he’s struggling to. He has to do innerwork (and perhaps some therapy) to be able to fully commit. 

6) Pulling away when things get rough

A fair-weather boyfriend is a man who isn’t committed.

He’s there when things are fun, but ghosts when you when things are not so pleasant.

A committed guy is a guy who stays.

If you suddenly get ill, he’d be by your side, not complaining even if he hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in days.

If you suddenly lose your job and are all stressed out, he won’t disappear on you and will remind you things are going to be okay.

If you have arguments, he won’t raise his voice and storm out because you’re “toxic” or “full of drama.” Instead, he’ll sit with you to resolve the conflict.  

According to Dr. George Everly Junior of the John Hopkins School of Medicine, reliability and consistency, predicts the success of a relationship. 

If your man can’t be relied on, he’s not committed and the relationship is unlikely to work out long-term.

7) Being vague about their intentions for you

Even when we’re in a relationship, we still want to be reassured by our partner. In fact, most of us want it daily (I do!).

We’ve all heard stories of couples who were together for a decade only for the guy to leave for a younger woman.

And we don’t want to suffer the same fate!

We want to hear our partner say things like “I’ll love you forever” or “When we have children…” or “When we get married…”

According to this research, highly committed partners will make their intention to build a life with you abundantly clear.

They won’t just say it once or twice, they’d say it clearly and very often, making your relationship secure and fulfilling.

So if he’s committed to you, he won’t be vague about his intentions. He’d make it very, very, very clear (once he’s ready, of course).

8) Going MIA

A man who’s committed would never disappear on you without notice.

Before they go fishing with friends, they’d call and say, “In case I can’t send a message because of the reception, don’t worry. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Even when he’s out of town and on a tough deadline, he’ll message. “Will be super busy. I love you.”

And according to research on Commitment assurances and time investment, “Highly committed individuals express more commitment assurances in daily life.”

What does this look like? 

It’s the “Don’t worry, I’ll get supplies for dinner after work” and the “After 2 years on this job, we can qualify for a loan for our house.”

This “intention to persist” through the mundane, through challenges, and onto the future is a predictor of relationship commitment, according to research.

So if the guy can’t even commit to not worrying you about where he is and if he’s still alive? 

You need to move on and find someone who matches your maturity!

Find the guy who is“co-present” and wants to run daily tasks, or work on a project with you while planning the future together.

Final thoughts

Let’s face it, we often see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear when we’re in a relationship.

But if you’re looking for a man who takes commitment seriously, you’ve really got to remove your rose-tinted glasses.

Observe their behaviors and listen to how they speak about you and how they talk to you. 

Be brave even when you’re scared of being alone, because the longer you stay with a man who isn’t serious about a future with you, the more time you waste.

Leave while there’s still some love to leave behind and before things get too hurtful.

With a little faith and this guide, you’ll be able to dodge the man who isn’t able to commit and meet the man who seriously does. 

Picture of Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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