Men are raised to be tough—to be self-disciplined, to be driven, and to not care about “foolish” things such as feelings.
And this is why we see a lot of toxic men around.
But whether as a partner, friend or colleague, everyone wants men who are able to balance their intelligence and feelings.
Want to know if you’re with one?
Here are some behaviors to look for.
1) They take charge without being bossy
If the situation calls for it, they’d take the lead. But they won’t act like a dictator or boss from hell.
They might be the smartest one in the group, but they’d always make sure to include others in every decision.
Why?
Because not only do they care about the outcome, they also care about how others feel during the process.
They know every person wants to be seen and heard—to feel like they matter and that they truly belong. And so their goal is to get the best outcome without making anyone feel worthless.
They create a space where people feel safe to share ideas, feelings especially feedback and criticism without fear of being judged or ostracized.
So…do you feel safe to freely express what you think and feel around them?
Then you know you’re in the presence of a man with the rare combo!
2) They keep going despite setbacks
Yes they get disappointed, frustrated, and angry at themselves.
But do they quit? Hell no.
A man who has emotional depth and mental strength would acknowledge his emotions. Heck, he’d even cry under the shower.
But like a phoenix, he’d rise from the ashes. And no, not because he feels like it, but because he KNOWS that it’s the right thing to do.
Churchill must have been one of those men because he said “If you’re going through hell, keep walking.”
While other people interpret that as ignoring pain, having full awareness of one’s emotions and deciding to push through the goal nonetheless is the message.
So when you know a man who gets frustrated, pissed, or even cries when they experience challenges and failures but gathers their will back, yup that’s them!
3) They’re happy to receive honest feedback
Let’s be real here—no one really loves to hear negative feedback. It just sucks!
I’ve devoted my life to writing a book and words like “It’s not yet ready” or “It’s not engaging enough” are like daggers to my heart!
But men who are mentally strong know that they NEED to get feedback to improve their work.
And so they seek feedback and constructive criticism even if it could crush their ego.
Instead of getting hurt and offended, they expand their emotional maturity by detaching their self-worth from their work.
What makes them different though is they have developed the capacity to navigate their emotions while keeping their intellect sharp, so they get very selective.
They choose their mentors and know exactly what kind of feedback they need at each phase of their project or creation.
They know that dreams can get crushed when shown at the seed idea stage to people who are too critical, so they are selective of who to show to and when.
4) They’re compassionate but not naive
Because they have a high EQ, they’re more compassionate than most men.
If someone is quiet after getting rejected, for example, they would notice. They’d then say “Hey, I know it’s tough. I’m just here if you need to talk.”
But because they’re mentally strong, they’re also very sensitive to any kind of manipulation.
When someone appeals to their sensitivity and cries to get them to agree to a grand favor, rather than agreeing out of guilt, they weigh it in their mind and decline.
Men like these are a narcissists’ nightmare because they are neither reactive nor easy to predict and manipulate.
They’ve likely experienced being taken for granted or abused in the past so as they got older and wiser. In other words, they care for others and they have solid boundaries..
5) They’re kind but they know when to put their foot down
Men who are in touch with their emotions tend to be very understanding of others.
Yes, they might get impatient sometimes (they’re only human), but they always try their best to be more tolerant and compassionate.
If someone screws up, they’d care for them instead of judging them or castigating them.
And if someone frustrates them, they can regulate their emotions and give them another chance while still holding them accountable for their actions.
In other words, they’re kind but they have their limits.
6) They dream big and stay grounded
You know the famous tip for writers— “write drunk, edit sober”? Yeah, that’s pretty much how they work on their goals.
They follow their passions and they’re very ambitious…and they’re very clever, too. But they’re still realistic with their goals.
So while dreaming of something, they let their imagination wander. The sky’s the limit!
But of course, they never lose sight of reality, so they are also flexible.
They’re not going to throw tantrums at their team members just because they can’t get everything they want to the detail because of valid limitations.
7) They’re hardworking but they take time to relax
Mental strength is all about self-discipline, determination, perseverance, and the drive to always try to do the right thing.
And so it goes without saying that a mentally strong person would always strive to achieve his goals and prioritize productivity above all else.
Their mother suddenly died? They’re back to work two days later.
While most people think they’re amazing, not even taking a day to grieve and refusing to ask for help because they believe it’s a weakness isn’t a sign of emotional depth.
Those who don’t have emotional depth would just keep working like a mad horse until their dying day and wonder why they are so unhappy despite achieving so much.
On the other hand, those who have both mental strength and emotional depth know that while “success” is awesome, one’s well-being, happiness, and relationships matter a lot, too!
8) They know when to talk and when to shut up
They’re usually insightful and wise, and so they can’t help but give life advice once in a while.
If you’re feeling defeated, they’d tell you to get up and try again. They know it’s not easy but you need mental strength to win at life.
If you feel frustrated at others, they’d tell you to just forget about them and focus on your goals. They know you too well and won’t let you mess it up because of other people.
But when they can sense you don’t need advice, they’ll shut up. They can do this because they truly care for you and they’re also highly sensitive.
For men with this rare combo, there’s a time for tough love and a time to just acknowledge the difficulty of dealing with life and all our complicated human emotions.
9) They know when to quit
“Quitting is for losers.” At least that’s what coaches and life gurus say.
But emotionally mature men don’t take “failures” personally. Besides, if they use their head, it doesn’t make sense to keep doing something if it’s not working!
They really don’t give a damn about what others think about them.
What’s more important for them is that they’re making decisions that are wise and sensible…and if they feel like it’s time for them to quit something, oh they would!
They won’t care if people call them pathetic losers or quitters, because as soon as something stops feeling aligned, they’ll walk away.
For these men, “Who cares if you’ve made it to the top if you knew halfway there that it was the wrong mountain?”
They’d rather start from scratch than pursue something that’s taking them away from who they are.
Final thoughts
Not a surprise, but for most of these men, acquiring the rare combination of emotional depth and mental strength didn’t happen overnight.
They had to work at developing themselves consciously—and with a lot of effort!
So if you feel like the man in your life is falling short, remember that growth and change is a process that takes time.
You can even be their sidekick as they learn to develop their emotional depth and mental strength.
And if while reading this article you’re convinced that you’re indeed with a man who possesses this rare combo, then you’re incredibly lucky.
You got yourself a guy who’s wise but also very touch with his emotions. Cherish him and always make him feel appreciated.
