Men who appear confident but are actually very insecure often use these 11 phrases without realizing it

We all get insecure sometimes. Or, at least, we all have been insecure at some point in our lives!

We’re only human and we can only do so much.

Being insecure doesn’t make you a terrible person.

But it can make you do and say some pretty terrible things.

Misguided anger, unfair deflection, dismissiveness, and just downright meanness are all common outputs of insecurity.

While a man may appear confident, if he says phrases like these 11, he might actually be very insecure.

Up first:

1) “I never cared about that/you anyway”

I’m sure we’ve all heard something like this before.

When you reject a guy’s advances or offer for a drink and he retorts, “Fine, I never liked you anyway”.

Or when he doesn’t get the job he wanted and you try to comfort him, but he says, “I’m fine, I never cared about it anyway”.

I get it, rejection is rough on all of us.

It never feels good to be rejected, whether that’s from a potential love interest, a job, or even a barista in the coffee shop telling you they don’t have your drink in stock!

But responding like this isn’t the way to go.

If it’s a man’s phrase of choice after being rejected, he might be a little insecure about hearing the word “no”.

2) “Why would I care about that/you?”

Along a similar line as the above, this phrase reeks of insecurity issues!

Say you confront him about a lie he told you and you express how much it upset you.

He replies, “Why would I care about how you feel?” Ouch! Or when you tell him that his ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, and he questions why on earth he’d care.

And maybe he really doesn’t care about these things!

But you have to admit, using this phrase is a little defensive. 

Realistically, he might be getting defensive for a reason – like how he DOES care, but doesn’t want to say so…

3) “Get over it”

Eesh! I hate to admit that I’ve dated several guys in the past who’ve told me to “get over it” whenever I’ve tried to talk about anything important.

To put it simply, a secure guy won’t do this.

Guys who say this usually say it in anger or as a response to feeling criticized/rejected.

Which, of course, isn’t very mature. It isn’t very nice, either, and you definitely deserve better!

4) “I was just joking”

If a guy has offended you with a joke (or should I say, an insult disguised as a joke), the mature thing to do is apologize and move on with your day.

Getting defensive over it? Repeatedly telling you how he was just joking? Saying you can’t take a joke?

Adamantly claiming you’re too sensitive?

Nope, nope, and nope again! He’s insecure and he’s trying to put you down to avoid the rejection he’s feeling over his joke not going down too well.

A secure man wouldn’t do this. Like we said, he’d simply apologize and move on

5) “That’s not my problem”

If you haven’t already figured, defensiveness is a key sign of insecurity in a guy.

And this phrase? It’s another defensive one!

Say the guy you’re dating always chooses to see his friends or play video games over spending time with you.

You tell him it’s making you sad because you want more quality time together.

If he replies with, “That’s not my problem, you need to find more friends”, or something of the sort, firstly, he ain’t good enough for you, girl!

And secondly, he might have some insecurity issues, because his response is defensive as anything…

6) “I’m not good enough for you”

Im not good enough for you Men who appear confident but are actually very insecure often use these 11 phrases without realizing it

This is a pretty sad one. Hearing a guy say this can make the best of us swoon!

It’s a bit of a compliment, really, that he thinks you’re too good for him. 

But you have to stay alert. Why? Because it might actually be a little bit manipulative.

Some guys might be genuinely serious when they say this.

They might be 100% aware that they don’t treat you right and you deserve better than them.

But they don’t want to lose you, so they tell you they’re “not good enough for you” – in the hopes that you feel sorry for them, boost their ego, and, ultimately, stick around.

For sure, this isn’t always the case, but it’s worth bearing that in mind…

7) “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

I was riding the train a couple of weeks ago and a guy (I’ll call him teenager-one) made a joke to his friend (teenager-two). An argument ensued.

All teenager-two kept saying was, “Who do you think you’re talking to?

Are you talking to me bro? Are you talking to me?”, getting louder and louder each time.

The other guy (teenager-one) was apologizing. But teenager-two wouldn’t hear of it.

Some people might think the guy who apologized was insecure, but nope.

The guy who was so offended he couldn’t hear the apology was the insecure one!

His friend had clearly struck a nerve and he couldn’t take it.

In my experience, people who say this phrase – especially over and over like this teenager did – are probably more than just a little insecure…

8) “Don’t be so sensitive”

We touched on it above, but this one is so important that it deserves its own heading!

Never let someone tell you you’re “too” sensitive. It simply isn’t true.

If you’re upset by something he’s said or done, you aren’t being too sensitive.

You’re probably just being human and HE’S being rude.

Something worth bearing in mind is that a lot of manipulative people say this phrase to people – namely narcissists.

Just something to remember…

9) “I don’t want to talk about it”

Sometimes, I don’t want to talk about things with certain people – even people I love the most.

Having boundaries is important in any relationship, friendship, or otherwise.

So there’s nothing wrong with a guy saying this occasionally.

But what about a guy who says it all the time? When he always brushes off his emotions, shuts you out, and tells you everything is fine, when it clearly isn’t?

That isn’t secure behavior. It’s healthy to talk about your issues, past, relationship grievances, and just general emotions with the people you trust.

When a guy refuses to express what’s on his mind, especially when it comes to matters of your relationship, he might be insecure.

Or, at least, insecure about your relationship and how solid it is…

10) “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”

Sure, you might be making a bigger deal out of something than it needs to be! Like if he hasn’t put the toilet seat down or wanted pizza for dinner.

Sometimes, it isn’t worth the argument and/or it doesn’t really need to be one.

But it’s the little things that matter the most.

What if he’s always choosing the takeout and being dismissive about your suggestions?

What if you’ve asked him a million times to put the toilet seat down after he uses it and he continues to ignore you?

Don’t ever let someone downplay how YOU are feeling.

A secure man will be happy to discuss how you’re feeling because how you’re feeling is important to him.

It also doesn’t make him feel rejected, criticized, or inferior as a person…

11) “I am who I am, you have to deal with it”

To an extent, we really are who we are – and people do really have to deal with it if they want you in their lives!

Like if you enjoy folk bands, that’s what you enjoy and that’s that.

Or if you prefer a country walk over running a marathon, you do you, for sure!

But being you is different to being a total JERK to everyone you know.

When a guy is being rude, unfair, or dismissive of your feelings, he isn’t “just being himself”.

He’s being defensive and probably very insecure!

Remember, a mature man works WITH you to resolve problems in a relationship.

He doesn’t tell you to “deal with it” in the name of “being himself”.

He’s secure enough to own up to his mistakes/wrongdoings and work together on being better.

Final thoughts

Like we said earlier, just because you’re insecure, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

There’s probably a deep reason why you’re insecure – from past relationship trauma to your childhood.

But understanding and empathizing with someone’s insecurity issues is one thing.

Putting up with them and constantly excusing them is another.

Just because a guy is insecure, that doesn’t mean you have to settle for his mistreatment or cruel words!

His insecurity issues are his issues, first and foremost.

You can help him to a degree, but you can’t be responsible for how he mistreats you.

And if he doesn’t want to change or get better, YOU deserve better!

Picture of Amy Reed

Amy Reed

Amy Reed is a content writer from London working with international brands. As an empath, she loves sharing her life insights to help others. When she’s not writing, she enjoys a simple life of reading, gardening, and making a fuss over her two cats.

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