Men lacking in self-confidence often do these 8 things in a relationship

It’s one of the most challenging things I’ve observed in relationships:

A man, who by all outward appearances seems just fine, but there’s a hidden struggle within him. Self-confidence, or rather the lack of it.

I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it. And I’ve learned that it can make things pretty tough in a relationship.

It’s not always obvious, and it’s not always easy to pinpoint.

You might not even realize it at first, but little by little, you start to notice these signs that something is off.

Here are 8 things men lacking in self-confidence often do in a relationship that I’ve come to recognize over time. This could be your guide to understanding them better and perhaps, helping them overcome this challenge.

1) They constantly seek validation

One of the most obvious signs of a man lacking self-confidence is his constant need for validation.

You see, it’s not just about him asking if he’s doing things right or if he looks good in his new shirt. It goes beyond that.

In fact, it’s more about his need for reassurance in the relationship. It’s like he wants you to constantly confirm your feelings for him, your commitment to him, and your appreciation of him.

It’s not that validation is a bad thing. We all need it to some degree. But when it becomes a constant need, it can become exhausting.

For the person on the receiving end, it may feel like they’re always walking on eggshells, trying not to upset the delicate balance. It’s an obvious sign that there’s a lack of self-confidence lurking beneath the surface.

2) They avoid confrontation at all costs

This is something I’ve seen firsthand, and let me tell you, it’s not easy.

Men with low self-confidence often avoid confrontations. It’s like they believe that if they can prevent any kind of argument or disagreement, then everything will be okay.

But here’s the thing, avoiding confrontation doesn’t make the problem go away. If anything, it just buries it under the carpet where it festers and grows into something much bigger.

I’ve been there, trying to brush things under the rug, hoping they’ll just disappear on their own. But they don’t. And the longer you ignore it, the harder it gets to bring up.

Not to mention, this kind of behavior can create a serious communication gap in the relationship. And we all know that communication is key to a healthy relationship. Without it, things can quickly fall apart.

3) They tend to over-apologize

I remember a time when I found myself saying sorry for everything. It’s like I was living in a constant state of apology.

I would apologize for things that weren’t even my fault. I’d say sorry when I didn’t need to. It was as if I was trying to preemptively fix problems that didn’t exist.

Looking back, I can see that it wasn’t about the apologies at all. It was more about me trying to keep the peace, trying to avoid any potential conflict or disagreement.

What I didn’t realize then was how this habit was directly linked to my lack of self-confidence. I was essentially saying sorry for being myself, and that’s not a healthy way to live or be in a relationship.

It’s important to understand that excessive apologizing can actually create tension rather than resolve it. It can make the other person feel like they’re constantly being put in a position where they have to forgive or let go of something, even when there’s nothing to forgive in the first place.

4) They have a hard time making decisions

Did you know that decision-making is directly related to our self-confidence?

I’ve seen it in relationships, including my own, where men with low self-confidence often struggle to make decisions. It could be about where to go for dinner or what movie to watch, or it could be about bigger things like where to live or when to start a family.

The fear of making the wrong choice can be paralyzing for someone with low self-confidence. It’s like they’re stuck in this loop of indecision, constantly second-guessing themselves and worrying about the consequences.

This can put a lot of pressure on their partner who might feel like they have to make all the decisions, big and small, in the relationship. It can also lead to feelings of frustration and resentment over time.

So, if you notice that your man is often indecisive or asks you to make most of the decisions, it could be a sign of low self-confidence.

5) They constantly compare themselves to others

In my journey of understanding self-confidence, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern among men who lack it – they often compare themselves to others.

It’s like they’re constantly measuring their worth based on other people’s achievements, looks, or successes. And let me tell you, this is a slippery slope.

I’ve been there, comparing myself to friends who seemed more successful or partners who seemed more accomplished. It’s a draining and never-ending cycle because there will always be someone better, smarter, or more successful.

This constant comparison can take a toll on a relationship. It can create feelings of inadequacy and breed resentment towards the partner, especially if the man feels he falls short in comparison.

Understanding that everyone has their own journey and that comparing yourself to others is not a fair measure of your worth can be a game changer in boosting self-confidence and improving your relationship.

6) They hesitate to express their feelings

In my experience, men who lack self-confidence often struggle to express their feelings.

It’s as if they’re afraid that showing their true emotions will make them vulnerable, or worse, lead to rejection.

I’ve gone through phases where I bottled up my feelings, thinking it was the safer option. But all it did was create a wall between me and my partner.

Honest communication is vital for any relationship to thrive. Being open about your feelings helps build trust and understanding. But when one person holds back, it can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of disconnect.

If you notice your man often hesitates to express his feelings, it could be a sign of low self-confidence. And it’s something that needs to be addressed for the relationship to grow stronger.

7) They are overly critical of themselves

There’s something that I’ve come to recognize in men who lack self-confidence – they’re often their own harshest critics.

The way they talk about themselves, the way they downplay their achievements, the way they focus on their failures more than their successes – it’s a telltale sign of low self-confidence.

I’ve been there, beating myself up over small mistakes, focusing on my shortcomings rather than my strengths. The result was a constant feeling of not being good enough.

In a relationship, this can be challenging. It can lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, and can even make the other person feel like they constantly have to reassure or uplift their partner.

It’s important to realize that self-criticism, while healthy in moderation, can be damaging when it becomes a consistent pattern. It’s a clear sign of low self-confidence and is something that needs to be addressed for the sake of the individual and the relationship.

8) They struggle to accept compliments

This is something I’ve noticed in myself and in others, and I believe it’s one of the most telling signs of low self-confidence – the struggle to accept compliments.

When someone compliments them, instead of accepting it graciously, they either brush it off or downplay it. It’s as if they don’t believe they’re worthy of the compliment or that the person giving it is just being nice.

I’ve been in situations where I’ve received a compliment and my immediate reaction was to deflect it or make light of it. Looking back, I can see how this was a reflection of my own lack of self-confidence.

In a relationship, this can create a barrier. It can make the other person feel like their compliments or expressions of appreciation are not valued.

Understanding that we are worthy of praise and that accepting a compliment graciously does not make us arrogant is crucial in boosting self-confidence and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs in yourself or someone you care about can be a game changer. It’s the first step towards change.

The truth is, confidence is not about being perfect or not having insecurities. It’s about acknowledging them and not letting them define us.

If you’ve identified with these behaviors, don’t despair. Change is possible. It begins with self-awareness and a willingness to challenge old patterns of thinking and behaving.

Try to catch yourself when you’re falling into these patterns. Question your motives. Are you acting out of fear or authenticity? Remember, true confidence comes from being true to who we are, not who we think we should be.

Change won’t happen overnight. But each small step towards self-confidence can make a big difference in your relationships and your overall happiness.

If you’re finding this challenging, consider checking out the love and intimacy masterclass. It’s a great resource for reframing your relationship with yourself and others.

Remember, everyone deserves to feel confident and secure in their relationships. And that includes you.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.