There is no doubt that we are always searching for a certain quality in our future partner, and often this quality comes with a price.
If you’re looking for someone who treats you like gold, but in return, expect to be treated like a doormat, then this person may not be the one for you.
That said, sometimes it’s okay to make a mistake when it comes time to find our soulmate.
Here are 10 reasons why it’s okay to marry the wrong person and realize how much you can grow from it!
1) You’ll find that you’re no longer searching for Mr. or Ms. Right – you’re just looking for someone to fill the role of Mr. or Ms. Right Now
We’ve all been there — we believed in this romantic dream that someone would come and sweep us off our feet when everything magically turns out great, and we will live happily ever after.
But, the truth? Well, it is pretty far from it!
Relationships take effort and time, but also hard work.
No one wants to do the work because it is not romantic at all, but it is more than necessary in order to make it successful.
And, this is where the real challenge comes in: realizing that love is not a fairy tale and that you have to work on it can be tricky.
The problem with this is that sometimes it’s hard to understand when your new situation will be happy or when you need to change certain things.
Will you be happy ten years from now with this person or not? You have no idea!
That is the whole beauty of life, even though that scares us the most.
We can’t truly predict the future, and we can’t always define the moment of happiness.
But, the truth is that, if you think about it, there is no guarantee that you’ll be happy in a relationship.
If you find yourself getting impatient about something or being miserable because your partner is having an off day, then it’s time to stop and realize that maybe you can do something to make things better.
2) You’ll learn to be independent
One thing that a bad relationship can teach us is to fully rely on ourselves and the qualities we have.
If you’re with someone who seems to not have your best interests at heart, then you’ll learn to take care of yourself.
If you’re in a relationship that only makes you feel unhappy and depressed, then this is the time to set yourself free and learn who it is that you really are and what it is that makes you happy.
If you’re constantly asking your partner to take care of you and make you happy, then it’s time to learn how to do that for yourself. You’ll learn to be responsible for yourself.
Let’s be honest here; we’re all entitled to our own happiness, and we should do whatever it takes to make ourselves happy.
If you waste so much time worrying about your partner’s feelings, then it’s time to take a step back and realize that they should take care of themselves as well.
After all, they are in charge of making themselves happy, why shouldn’t you?
It is our responsibility to take care of our needs and wants, and it’s no one else’s job to do it for us.
If your partner is not providing you with the things you need, then make sure to take care of yourself so that you can stop worrying about how he or she feels and whether they’re being considerate enough.
3) You’ll recognize how your parents don’t know who they are, and that’s okay
We learn from our parents, and they are our first models for a relationship.
Depending on their behavior, we will learn to function in a relationship successfully or not.
The truth is that one of the reasons you’ll probably get into this or another bad relationship is that you learned all the wrong things from your parents, like being too dependent on them and expecting other people to take care of you.
You’ll discover that not all couples are happy, but most do make it.
What’s the difference between happy and unhappy couples?
The answer is pretty simple: it’s their efforts and willingness to change themselves for their partner.
Being unhappy in your relationship will make you go deeper into the way your parents functioned and what you learned from them, good and bad, and how it is affecting your life now.
If you liked your parents and saw them as the perfect people, you could always turn to them for help now you’ll start to realize that there’s more to look for in the future, someone who can make you happy, not someone to take care of.
So, if a bad relationship can teach us to accept ourselves and our flaws, then this is a great thing.
And don’t think that you’re always going to find your perfect Mr./Ms.
4) You’ll realize that spousal expectations are often unrealistic
If you’ve been looking for someone to fill the role of your best friend and lover, then you’d better be prepared to realize that no person will always be everything that you need them to be.
We all have expectations, but it’s important to set boundaries.
If you do decide to marry someone who doesn’t make you feel loved, then it’s good that this happens now before things have gone too far and there is so much hurt involved.
If you’re with someone who doesn’t seem to be your best friend, then it’s time to reevaluate what that means to you and whether or not the chemistry is worth it.
If you’ve decided that it’s not, then cutting things off now can help you find who your real friends are and learn how to live on your own.
If you are in a relationship that seems to not make you happy anymore, then it’s a sign that you two might not be compatible in the long run.
We don’t want to spend our lives with someone who doesn’t make us feel loved and happy!
It boils down to this — we must make an effort to make it work, but to expect someone to fill our every need and satisfy us on every possible level will lead to getting disappointed for sure.
5) You’ll learn to be happy on your own
If you’ve been with someone you thought would make your life complete and they don’t, then it’s time to figure out what it is that you want, what makes you happy, and where your true happiness lies.
If there is anyone else out there who complements what you’re looking for in a partner, then it’s good to look for them.
My point is this — by making an effort to be happy when we are alone, we will enjoy more when we are with someone.
This happens because we are able to set better boundaries and learn to appreciate the things we do have without wasting our time with someone who can’t give us what we really want.
All couples must understand that the most important part of life is being happy and loving yourself so you can love someone else and be able to receive love from your partner.
If you find yourself complaining about a lot of things in your relationship, then it’s time to make an effort to find out what it is that makes you happy and why your marriage isn’t working out.
Besides, you will learn your boundaries and when they’re being crossed.
This is a pretty normal stage of relationship development — as we become more comfortable with each other, we start to make more mistakes, and things that are normally fine become serious problems.
6) You’ll learn to forgive
Life is always about forgiveness, and it’s one of the hardest things that we all have to learn how to do, especially when it comes to forgiving others who hurt you.
It’s hard to be hurt and look this person in the eyes and say “I forgive you” or “I know that you love me”.
However, this is an important lesson and can help us develop compassion for others, which will then allow us more happiness in our lives.
But, here’s the problem — most of us have major ego issues, and we want to be right all the time.
It takes a lot of time and work to be able to accept that you will be making mistakes, and lots of them during your lifetime, and that is completely okay.
It’s vitally important that we seek acceptance for ourselves, especially when it comes to forgiveness and all the emotions that come with it.
If you don’t forgive yourself, you will never be able to love someone else who also needs to forgive.
7) You’ll learn how to trust
If you’re not in a relationship with a person you can trust, then it’s time to take a step back and make sure that you are ready for the type of relationship you want.
If you’re not sure about what it is that makes someone a trustworthy person, then it’s best that you wait to get married or have children with them until you learn to assess people well.
Deal with the issues from your past that are making you choose people you can’t trust.
Perhaps you will learn to recognize the people who are selfish and not ready to give love but also have enough confidence to ask for the love you want and be able to trust them with your life if necessary.
This is not an easy road, especially if you have dealt with intimacy issues and you keep everyone at a safe distance.
However, we can’t avoid this — if you are comfortable knowing that you can’t trust your partner, then it’s a good idea to think about ending your relationship so you won’t get hurt deeper and really learn how to take care of yourself.
One of the best ways to deal with all this is by talking.
Of course, this can be hard if you have been through some tough situations with someone who made vows they didn’t keep.
Talk to someone who is trustworthy and whose experience can help you overcome it.
Ultimately, the things you can’t change, you must accept.
It’s common for all of us to wish that our partners would act a certain way or stop doing certain things — but we always have the choice to change ourselves.
If you find yourself constantly thinking negative thoughts about your partner, then it’s time to make a change and start thinking in a more positive light.
We need to learn how to communicate in a peaceful space where both sides can communicate their feelings and needs without blame or guilt.
8) You’ll learn to make a balance
We all take, but it’s important that we also give as well.
If you’re never willing to give something up, then you have to learn how to do this in order to receive true happiness in your life.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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This will allow you to release whatever it is that is causing the pain that you are experiencing, and learning how to let things go eventually allows for more joy in the future.
In order to achieve this balance, you will need to dig deeper and see what it is that you really want in a relationship, but also what you need to work on to be able to enjoy the happiness when you get a chance to taste it.
Forgiveness, trust, and love are the most important things we need in life.
Without them, we can’t be happy.
9) You’ll learn to be happy and forgive yourself
If you’re with someone who lets you down over and over again, then it’s important to take a step back and realize that this person probably won’t change.
If you’re with someone who has never loved you for you, then this is the time to try to find someone who does.
Did you ever think that you could forgive yourself for making a wrong choice?
The problem with this is that we will always be disappointed in other people’s mistakes because we are so used to being disappointed by ourselves.
We all make mistakes, and in order to become happy and feel loved, we must learn how to forgive ourselves and let go of the past.
This is sometimes easier said than done, but as long as you make an effort, you will surely do a lot more of forgiving yourself later on in life.
We cannot change our past, but we can change the present and the future.
Even if you can’t think of where you want your life to go now or what you want for the future, don’t worry about it.
Take things one step at a time and make sure that you are as happy as possible before thinking about things further ahead.
10) You’ll learn to be yourself
Life is about being comfortable in your own skin, which means not feeling like you need someone to make you “happy” or “complete”.
We all need people, but if you’ve never learned how to love yourself, then take some time to do so and then learn how to find that person that complements what makes you happy.
If you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel the most comfortable in your own skin, then it’s time to learn how to be yourself and let go of any baggage about your past relationships.
You’ll learn that you don’t need anyone to be happy.
Life is about living your life by yourself, learning how to be happy alone, and just enjoying what you have.
If you’ve tried everything in your power to make others happy, then it’s time to see if they are willing to love themselves, forgive themselves, and learn how to stop hoping that they will change who they are.
What can you do to choose better next time?
The most important thing you can do is to really listen to your heart.
Whether or not you’re currently in a relationship, it’s important that you know what it is that makes you happy, and what it is that will bring you the most joy and peace in your life.
In order to find this, ask yourself some questions like “What do I need?”.
Don’t expect someone to come into your life and answer all of these questions for you right away. Instead, be patient and allow a relationship to develop at a comfortable pace.
If you jump into things too fast, you might miss out on someone who is really meant for you.
When we meet someone new, it can be hard to tell if they’re the one because we don’t know anything about them yet.
It’s easy to fall in love with someone quickly, but falling in love with someone who is right for us really takes a little longer.
If you do develop feelings for someone, then let your heart guide you.
If you’re in a relationship that isn’t making you happy and it’s time to let go, then do so without bitterness or resentment.
Learn from this experience and then move on to better things.
Life is about how we treat others and the choices that we make.
Sometimes these two things don’t coincide with one another, but the trick is to figure out which will bring us the most happiness in life.
If you’re looking for the truth about relationships, then take your time and don’t rush things.
Take time to get to know yourself and your needs
So many people rush into relationships and don’t give themselves a chance to listen to their thoughts and desires first.
They put all of their energy into the relationship and forget about their own needs completely.
They let romance in, and then they start considering what they could give the other person that they may not have in their own lives.
Relationships take time, so be sure to understand yourself before you start to date anyone new.
If you’re just looking for a hook-up, then you’re missing out on a lot.
You can meet someone who’s going to bring you so much joy, but if you don’t have time to enjoy that person, then think about finding someone else who will be a better match for you.
It’s important to put your own happiness first and not let someone else dictate what your life should be like.
In addition, it is important to work through all the things from your marriage that hurt you so you don’t become bitter and unhappy.
A really important thing to know about relationships is that if you don’t want to be on your own forever, then you shouldn’t start a relationship hastily.
You’re better off being alone and happy than having to deal with a person who brings you so much misery and it is not right for you.
Going into a relationship without knowing yourself first is always going to end terribly.
Be sure you understand the past background of your partner
It’s important to fully understand the past of both yourself and your partner before entering into a new relationship.
If either of you has been in serious relationships in the past, it is important to know what kind of things you’re ready to give and/or take.
If one or both of you have grown, changed, developed, and matured over time, be sure to share this with your partner so that they can understand you better.
Understand the ups and downs of the past relationships, because it is important to know what it is you’re getting yourself into.
If you decide to get in a relationship with someone, it’s good to make sure that you understand how each other will react when things start to go wrong.
When we fall in love, we often want everything to be perfect all of the time, or at least for most of the time, so this is why we should be cautious at first.
Be gentle to yourself
Give yourself some time to heal and understand yourself and your own needs before you open up to a new relationship with someone else.
Love often brings us in contact with people who can teach us how to love ourselves even more, so don’t be afraid to take advantage of this!
If you’re being honest with yourself, then it’s likely that there will be some things that you’ll have concerns about in a new relationship.
For example, if you’ve been hurt in the past by an ex, then it might be hard for you to open up to someone new who might end up hurting you too.
Sometimes we feel like we have to have someone there and ready to love us, but this isn’t always the best solution.
Give yourself a chance to get over your past relationships before jumping into a new one.
Take some time for yourself and really focus on being happy by yourself before opening up to anything else.
The point is that everything happens for a reason and when it is the perfect time for it.
You are not in the wrong place or with the wrong person; you are in exactly the right place and with exactly the right person who is going to help you learn the lessons in order to mature and move on with your life.
When you’re on your own, you’re free to do whatever it is that makes you happy while also focusing on self-improvement, so this is something you should take advantage of.
This is why it’s important to give yourself some time before jumping into a new relationship.
If you feel that you’re ready for a new relationship, don’t be afraid of what it will bring, just be careful.
If you don’t want to open up to someone else, then that is your choice.
There are lots of different things out there when it comes to relationships, and all of them come with their own strengths, weaknesses, and benefits.
Sometimes what we think we want and what we actually want are two different things.
If your relationship is bringing you more pain than happiness, then it’s time to move on.
However, if it’s time for a change, don’t be afraid of it.
Learn from your past experiences and let them be a guide to help you in your future relationships.
It’s always great to hear from others who have been through similar things or who have found a way to go through hard times that could benefit others, so learn from it.
Realize that you don’t have to go through everything by yourself.
By opening up to someone else, you can learn and grow so much more!
Don’t be too harsh to yourself when you make the wrong choice and see it as an opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes!
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder