Divorce is a difficult, complex process that can significantly change a person’s life in a very short time.
If you’re dating a man who is going through a divorce, you may not be sure how to help him.
When you try to talk about it, he pulls away from you.
It is important to know that men are not always good at processing their emotions and talking about them. He may need some help.
Here’s a list of 16 things to do when a man going through a divorce is pulling away.
1) Show your support
Let’s dig right in.
The first step is to be supportive and compassionate.
If he’s not talking about his feelings, you can’t help him. He needs you to listen, give him time and space to process what’s going on, and provide him with emotional support.
If he doesn’t know how to talk about it, you can offer suggestions for healthy coping mechanisms like exercise or meditation.
If he’s spiraling out of control and refusing help from friends or family, there’s not much you can do but wait.
2) Be patient
Don’t pretend to understand what he’s going through. Even if you’ve gone through a divorce yourself, it’s different for everyone.
Instead, let him know that you care and that you’re there for him.
If a man going through a divorce starts to pull away, it could be the result of some deep-seated emotions that are difficult for him to verbalize.
Give him time and trust that he will eventually talk to you about his feelings.
When he’s feeling low, try to get him to do something fun with you or go on a short trip together.
If he’s not ready for any of that, just be there for him and provide support.
Remember, you can’t rush him into opening up to you. In time, he’ll open up and share his feelings with you.
For now, be his shoulder to cry on.
3) Give him space
Don’t try to force him to talk or share his feelings.
If he seems like he doesn’t want to talk, just let him be. The last thing you should do is pressure him into talking about it.
Let me explain why:
This will likely push him further away from you because of the negative emotions he’s feeling during the process.
Allow him to talk about it when he’s ready. If you keep trying to bring it up, you’ll only make things worse for the two of you.
Giving him space is important because he needs his own time and space away from all of his thoughts.
This will give him a chance to think through the situation on his own without any outside influence or pressure.
If he says that he needs to be on his own for a while, don’t get upset. Respect his request.
Remember not to take it personally, he’s going through a mourning process that has nothing to do with you. He needs to mourn his marriage in order to move forward. When he is ready, he’ll call you.
While the signs in this article will help you deal with a man going through a divorce is pulling away, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like your partner pulling away. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
4) Keep things light
I know you might be feeling anxious and are eager for the whole thing to be over so you can move on with your lives but don’t constantly bring up the divorce.
Don’t make the situation any more difficult than it already is.
Don’t bring up anything that makes him feel sad or bad.
Keep things light and fun.
Let him know that you’re still there for him, you love him and he will be okay.
5) Listen to him
Listen to him – it’s important to make sure that he knows how much he’s valued and loved.
Talk with him, really listen to what he is saying. Acknowledge his feelings and find ways to validate them.
Let your relationship take care of the healing process – if things are going well, then there may not be as much need for therapy or medication.
Think about it:
When you let him know that you love and value him, he will feel more comfortable opening up about his feelings.
Share your own thoughts and experiences – this can help him know that you understand what he is going through.
If you’ve been through a similar experience, it’ll make it easier for you to understand what he is feeling and allow the two of you to have a shared understanding of what’s happening.
6) Don’t judge him
Maybe you don’t always agree with his way of doing things but don’t judge and nag him.
Stop trying to fix him or tell him what he’s supposed to do. You’ll only make him pull away even more.
This is something that he has to go through by himself in a way that feels right for him.
His process will take him some time, so it’s best for you to simply be there for him as a friend during this tough time.
7) Don’t ask too many questions
Some men don’t like to have to answer to anyone.
If you’re dating a man going through a divorce, don’t ask too many questions. Don’t make him talk about his feelings or what he’s going through unless he wants to.
Don’t offer your advice unless he asks for it.
He may not want to tell you how he feels even if he is feeling sad, angry, or upset.
He may also want to avoid discussing the details of the divorce process because it is a very painful experience for him.
Simply put, don’t be nosy unless you want to push him away.
8) Understand that he’s vulnerable
Here’s the deal, if you’re in a relationship with a man who is going through a divorce and you want to help him, try to understand why he might pull away from you when you try to talk about his feelings.
Often, men going through a divorce are sensitive and withdrawn. They may feel unsure about how to handle their emotions, especially as they build up for the divorce settlement.
If you want your man to open up to you, you’ll have to earn his trust and understanding.
The best way to show him that he can trust you is by not questioning how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking.
The reason is that understanding the hidden reasons for certain behaviors is the key to building strong and fulfilling relationships.
Why am I so sure?
Well, at some point in my relationship, I struggled to realize that not only me, but my partner was also vulnerable as he was dealing with some issues in his personal life.
But watching an incredible free video on Love and Intimacy from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, helped me understand what I needed to build a healthy relationship.
I’m sure that his insights will help you realize how important it’s to understand your partner’s needs to empower your relationship.
Check out the free video here.
9) Don’t bash his ex-wife
Even if you think she’s not a good person, don’t talk about her or try to badmouth her to your boyfriend.
It just makes things worse and will only push him further away.
He may even have the urge to defend her.
They have a history, he loved her once. She’s the mother of his children. If you bash her, you’ll end up being the bad guy.
Instead, focus on the future. Tell him that you love him no matter what happens.
Help him find opportunities to be happy again without his ex-wife.
This might mean encouraging him to start a new hobby or explore new interests.
If you’re worried about his mental health, offer to help him with any of these goals that he sets out for himself.
10) Don’t dictate his relationship with his ex-wife or his children
Don’t EVER try to tell him how often he can talk to or see his ex-wife or children. Do not interfere in their relationship.
It’s not your job to dictate how he interacts with his ex-wife or children.
If you do this, you’ll risk pushing him away forever.
He needs to be able to work through his relationship with his ex-wife and children on his own.
11) Don’t be pushy about the future
It’s easy to get caught up with what you want from the relationship.
It’s important to remember that things will be different after the divorce.
Don’t push him to move in with you or to get married. It will only make him run away from you. Be supportive and patient as your partner goes through the divorce process.
It can take a long time before he’s ready to move on from his marriage and take your relationship to the next level.
No matter what happens, try not to push yourself on him too much in the future or have expectations of what is going to happen in the future if the divorce goes poorly.
12) Try to understand his feelings
Do not invalidate his feelings when trying to find out why he’s pulling away from you.
It might be because he feels attacked or guilty for giving up on his marriage.
Maybe he sees you as the woman who broke up his family. Tread carefully. He’s going through a lot and may be re-evaluating his whole life.
Avoid saying things like “It’s not your fault”, or “You’re not a bad person”. He knows these things already.
Instead, try to put yourself in his shoes and understand where he is coming from.
13) Don’t take it personally
If you’re dating a man who is in the midst of a divorce, it’s important to remember that he’s going through a difficult time.
Don’t take it personally when he pulls away from you.
Wait! Let me explain:
A man going through a divorce may be more sensitive than usual due to the stress of the process.
It can be tempting to take his actions personally, but try to recognize that divorce can sometimes make people feel like they’ve lost control of their life and their future. In order to find solace and a sense of peace, they might withdraw from those around them.
It’s important to remember that however difficult a person’s situation might be, they can get through it.
You should encourage your man by reassuring him that everyone goes through challenges and there are ways for people to survive them.
So, during these difficult times, let him know that you’re there for him and want to support him through this period of transition.
14) Don’t get jealous of his ex-wife
Don’t get jealous of his ex-wife. This is not a competition and you should not be feeling threatened by the fact that your man is still in contact with her.
It’s quite possible that she will always be a part of his life, especially if they have kids together, and that he’ll always love her.
But the fact that they are getting a divorce means that they just couldn’t make their relationship work. He’s with you now, not her.
15) Don’t make about you
You’re not the one getting a divorce, he is. So don’t make it about you and your feelings!
When a man is going through a divorce, he’s also pulling away because he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings.
If you feel like you’re not being listened to, don’t make the conversation about yourself and your feelings. Instead, focus on what he needs from you and what would make him happy during this time.
Talk about how important it is for him to talk about his feelings, and let him know that you are there to listen. You can also offer advice or tell him about other people who have gone through similar situations. He might also need help with household chores or getting his kids from daycare if they’re staying with you.
Don’t make about you. You need to let your partner share their feelings and talk about the divorce without feeling like you’re making it all about you.
This can be especially challenging if the man has children that he wants custody of or wants visitation rights.
Simply put, let him go through the process without feeling like he needs to worry about what you’re thinking constantly so that he can focus on his own emotional state as well as his legal status during this time.
16) Encourage him to seek help
In addition to supporting your partner during the difficult time of divorce, you can also encourage him to seek help from a therapist.
In these tough situations, a person may not feel like they have anyone to talk to about their feelings or that they’re in a safe enough place to speak freely.
Let him know that there’s no shame in asking for help and that there are therapists who specialize in helping people get through a divorce.
Is it the end of your relationship?
When you’re dating someone who is going through a divorce, it can be difficult to know if it’s the end of your relationship. If you’re unsure about whether or not your relationship is over, there are a few things that you should keep in mind.
If your partner becomes distant and doesn’t want to talk about their feelings with you, he may be struggling more than you realize.
This can have a negative effect on the relationship. Your partner may feel like they can’t tell you anything without talking about their feelings negatively, so they withdraw from conversations. This type of behavior could lead them to question whether the relationship is worth fighting for or not.
If you’re dating someone who is going through a divorce, make sure that they know how much they mean to you – even if they don’t say it out loud often enough. Exchanging gifts and spending time together will help show them how important they are to you.
The truth about divorced men
The truth about divorced men is that they’ve probably already settled down and had their fair share of relationships, which means they’re more mature and can be a better partner for you.
Another thing to consider is how much time he’s been single.
On the one hand, if he’s been single for an extended period of time, he has probably had his fair share of relationships and knows what he is looking for.
On the other hand, if the guy you’re dating hasn’t been single for a long time, then it might be wise not to date him because it might be difficult to get him to commit.
Finally, if the guy you’re dating has been married before and is still going through divorce proceedings, then it’s likely that he’ll have less patience when it comes to relationships and things could messy.
To sum up, divorcés are usually more mature than people who haven’t gone through divorce proceedings before.
Things to consider before you date a divorced man
A divorced man may be emotionally unavailable
A divorced man may have emotional baggage from his past relationship.
It’s possible that he may be emotionally unavailable.
In this case, you need to decide if you’re willing to deal with this situation or if you should move on.
A divorced man may not be ready for a serious relationship yet
You need to consider whether or not a divorced man is ready for a serious relationship yet.
If he isn’t, then it might be best to end the relationship and look for someone who is ready for a serious commitment now.
A divorced man may have trust issues
If a married man has gone through a divorce, then he may have trust issues that he needs to work through before beginning another relationship.
If this is the case, then you need to decide whether or not you’re willing to deal with this issue and help him work through it so that he can fully commit to the relationship in the future.
A divorced man may still have feelings for his ex-wife
If there are still feelings between them and they haven’t worked out their differences yet, then there could be trouble for your relationship in the future even though things seem fine now. You need to make sure that you know where.
Dating after divorce: 5 tips
It’s not always easy for a person to move on after a divorce.
Even if you didn’t have kids or you’re financially stable, it can still be hard to find happiness in a new relationship. This often leads some people to wonder if dating after divorce is worth it. But there are plenty of reasons you should consider dating again.
Here are some things to keep in mind before you start dating again:
1) Wait until your divorce or separation is final before you start dating
It is really important to think about timing when you are considering dating again after a separation or divorce.
The first few months of the process can be extremely difficult and emotionally trying, so it is best to wait until your divorce or separation is final before you start dating.
2) Be sure you’re ready to date
Take some time for yourself after divorce.
A lot of people feel that their lives are over after the divorce process starts, but there are many ways to cope with divorce and to move on with your life.
One way is by taking up activities like hiking or rock climbing, which can help you take your mind off of what’s happening in your life.
It does not matter if you have been married for 10 years or 10 days. Take time to do something for yourself that will relax and rejuvenate your mind and body.
3) Be honest about your past
Hanging out with your new love interest can be a great time.
There is nothing like the feeling of being around someone who makes you feel alive and connected with them. But do not forget to be honest about your divorce.
You may think it will hurt the relationship but it can actually help you find what you are looking for in your next relationship.
4) Go slow at first
When dating after your divorce, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that you are likely still in the process of healing.
This means taking it slow, even at the best of times. There are plenty of reasons why a relationship may not work out.
For example, you might find yourself feeling overly needy or too clingy. These feelings may be normal and natural for you to have, but they will likely make someone else feel uncomfortable.
If you can’t help yourself during this time, avoid dating altogether and focus on friendship instead.
5) Don’t rush to introduce a new partner to your kids
People often worry about introducing a new partner to their children.
Before introducing a new partner to your kids, make sure that they are someone you are serious about and not just a casual fling.
Introducing someone to your children is not an easy task and should not be rushed.
It can bring up a lot of anxiety, stress, and questions like “How will they fit in?” or “What kind of role will they play?” It’s important to take your time with this process.
Relationship coaching - done online
Find a coach from Relationship Hero’s network of coaches and finally achieve your relationship goals. Take a quiz, get matched, and start getting support via phone or video sessions. Affordable pricing + discounts available.
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.