Love bombing: 12 ways narcissists use it to control you

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists to gain control over someone emotionally. 

It’s essential to be aware of such behaviors, and that’s where this article comes in. In it, I’ll provide you with information on how love bombing works and exactly how narcissists use it to control you. 

Let’s start!

1) Excessive attention

Narcissists typically bombard you with messages and compliments to create an emotional high and a sense of dependence on the narcissist for validation and self-worth. 

It goes as far that you become the sole focus of the narcissist’s attention, making you feel indispensable and cherished.

Here’s an example: 

The narcissist showers you with excessive gifts, often expensive or extravagant ones. They give you these frequently and without any particular reason, creating a sense of indebtedness in you.

This illustrates how they use excessive attention to overwhelm and manipulate you emotionally, making you feel both special and beholden to them. 

It’s important to recognize when behavior like this becomes excessive and unhealthy in a relationship.

2) Rapid intimacy

This tactic involves an intense and immediate connection. The narcissist declares their love quickly, leading you to believe you’ve found your soulmate. 

They might even bring up the topic of marriage or long-term commitment in the initial stages of dating or shortly after meeting.

But rapid intimacy can also involve having emotionally charged conversations about topics like family, past relationships, or personal struggles within the first few encounters.

All of this emotional investment is deliberate to make you reluctant to end the relationship. 

3) Mirroring

Another way narcissists use love bombing to control you is that they mirror your preferences, hobbies, and values. 

They may even adopt the same slang or catchphrases you use. It creates the illusion of a perfect match, making it challenging to see through the manipulation.

For instance, they adapt their values and beliefs to align with yours. If you’re deeply committed to a specific cause, the narcissist suddenly becomes an outspoken advocate for the same cause.

They may also fabricate stories or experiences to mirror your personal history. For example, if you have a unique childhood experience, the narcissist will falsely claim they had a similar experience, too. 

They do this to establish a deeper connection with you. But they also use the following tactic:

4) Isolation

Narcissists often subtly isolate their targets by criticizing their friends or family, creating a rift between them and their support system. 

As a result, you become more reliant on the narcissist for emotional support.

They do this by frequently criticizing your friends and family, highlighting their flaws or negative qualities. 

For example, they might say, “Your friends are always so judgmental,” or “Your family doesn’t really care about you.”

If you don’t recognize this controlling behavior, you could soon be in a world of hurt. 

5) Future faking

Picture this: The narcissist paints a beautiful picture of the future you’ll share together. It includes dreams of marriage, a family, or a prosperous life. 

Because of that, you become emotionally invested in this idealized future, making it difficult to walk away.

They intelligently use these promises to create a sense of commitment and dependency in you. This, of course, makes it difficult for you to recognize the manipulative nature of the relationship. 

You have to be cautious when someone makes grand promises without following through, especially if it’s ultimately used as a means of control.

I know that’s easier said than done, but that’s how it usually is, isn’t it?

6) Manipulative guilt

love bombing ways narcissists use it control you 1 Love bombing: 12 ways narcissists use it to control you

If you manage to resist the narcissist’s wishes or their attempts to claim your independence, the narcissist may then guilt-trip you

They’ll emphasize how much they’ve given to the relationship, making you feel obligated to comply.

They might compare you unfavorably to others, highlighting how much better you’re treated in comparison.

For instance: “My ex never made me feel this way. They were always there for me.”

Or, “I can’t believe you’d do this to me after everything we’ve been through.”

7) Emotional rollercoaster

Narcissists also love to create a cycle of intense affection and withdrawal. They switch between idealizing you (treating you as perfect) and devaluing you (criticizing, insulting, or ignoring you). 

This emotional whiplash keeps you craving their approval and validation, and on the edge of yearning for their affection. 

They also often send mixed signals, making it challenging to understand the relationship’s true nature. 

You end up feeling like you’re always trying to decode the narcissist’s feelings and intentions.

They also use threats to withdraw love, attention, or affection to control you. When you don’t comply with their demands, they make you fear abandonment, which is emotionally distressing.

8) Gaslighting

Gaslighting has been an extremely popular term in the last ten or so years. However, the term and the behavior have been around much longer. 

Gaslighting involves manipulating your perception of reality. Narcissists use it to deny past events, distort facts, or blame you for problems. 

This results in you questioning your own judgment and relying on the narcissist’s version of events.

A perfect example is when they say something hurtful or contradictory and then deny ever having said it. 

For instance, they claim they never criticized your appearance, even though they did just moments ago.

They also love projecting where they attribute their negative traits or actions to you. If they’re cheating, they accuse you of being unfaithful without any evidence.

9) Jealousy and possessiveness

This is one of their favorite tools. Narcissists cause jealousy in you by flirting with others. Or, alternatively, falsely accusing you of infidelity. 

Both strategies create a fear of losing their attention and commitment.

They also notably insist on checking your phone, messages, and social media accounts, claiming they’re just concerned about the relationship. 

This invasion of privacy naturally erodes trust and independence. As does the following:

10) Triangulation

By introducing a third person into the dynamic, such as an ex-partner, the narcissist creates a competition for their attention. 

For example, they engage with others on social media in flirtatious or emotionally intimate ways. 

O they excessively praise and admire someone else in front of you, highlighting their achievements or qualities while subtly implying that you fall short.

Whatever triangulation tactic they use, you feel compelled to win the narcissist’s affection, further anchoring you in the relationship.

11) Boundary violation

Narcissists also frequently disregard your personal boundaries. They invade your personal space, demand constant contact, or manipulate your emotions without regard for your independence.

In practice, they exploit your emotional vulnerability by demanding you reveal your deepest fears, insecurities, or past traumas. They then use this information against you in arguments or as a means of control.

Again, you must recognize this type of behavior and establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional and physical well-being.

They preserve your autonomy and individuality and allow you to make choices and decisions that align with your values and desires instead of being too influenced by others.

12) False promises

Narcissists regularly make lavish promises they rarely intend to keep. These promises, which often include extravagant vacations or having a lot of money, keep you hopeful and invested in the relationship, even when the narcissist doesn’t deliver.

They simply keep moving the goalposts.

A narcissist might promise you a life of financial abundance, saying they’ll provide for all of your needs, invest in your future, or even make extravagant purchases like a dream house or luxury vacations.

However, these promises often remain unfulfilled, leaving you financially vulnerable and dependent.

How to break free

Breaking free from a narcissist’s grip is challenging but essential for your emotional well-being. Here are five steps to help you do just that:

1) Recognize the manipulation

The first step is to acknowledge you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and understand the manipulation tactics they use, such as love bombing, gaslighting, emotional abuse, or any others I mentioned above. 

Educate yourself about narcissism and its characteristics.

2) Establish boundaries

Set clear and firm boundaries for yourself. Determine what behaviors are unacceptable and what you’re willing to tolerate (if anything). 

Communicate these boundaries to the narcissist calmly and assertively, but be prepared for (a lot of) resistance.

3) Seek support

Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide guidance and emotional support. 

Narcissists often isolate their targets, so building a support network is crucial. A therapist can help you navigate the complexities of the relationship and develop coping strategies.

4) Create an exit plan

If you decide to leave the relationship, make a detailed plan for your departure. This might include finding a safe place to stay, gathering important documents, and securing your financial independence. 

Ensure you have a support system in place to help you through the process.

5) Implement no contact

If possible, go no contact with the narcissist once you’ve left the relationship. Block their calls, texts, and emails, and avoid social media interactions. 

This helps prevent further manipulation and allows you to heal. If no contact isn’t possible due to shared responsibilities (e.g., co-parenting), set minimal and strictly necessary contact boundaries that include a third person(s).

Picture of Adrian Volenik

Adrian Volenik

Adrian has years of experience in the field of personal development and building wealth. Both physical and spiritual. He has a deep understanding of the human mind and a passion for helping people enhance their lives. Adrian loves to share practical tips and insights that can help readers achieve their personal and professional goals. He has lived in several European countries and has now settled in Portugal with his family. When he’s not writing, he enjoys going to the beach, hiking, drinking sangria, and spending time with his wife and son.

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