Domestic violence is a serious problem that affects people of all genders, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
If you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering if it’s normal for your girlfriend to hit you, my answer would be no, but it’s really your call.
Do you feel threatened or scared? Does her hitting you make you feel uncomfortable? Have you ever hit her?
There are many relationship dynamics to consider.
I have friends I’ve known since high school that hit each other and have some kind of weird intense passionate relationship that seems to work for them.
They’ve been together for 15 years now and have 3 kids. Neither feels like a victim. I myself would never stand for such behaviour.
If your girlfriend is hitting you, there are some things to consider. Let’s start with the reasons women hit men.
Why it’s not ok for your girlfriend to hit you
Let me start off by saying that no form of abuse, whether it be verbal, psychological, or physical is normal or ok.
Physical abuse is an indicator of a larger problem. Abuse is never a normal part of any relationship.
It’s not ok for your girlfriend to hit you just like it’s not ok for you to hit her. Violence is never the answer and is often an indicator of some deep-rooted problem.
She may be weaker than you but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for her to hit you.
No one should ever be made to feel unsafe by the person they love.
Unfortunately, this happens all too often – particularly in intimate relationships.
Partner violence, also known as domestic violence or dating violence, refers to any type of violence that occurs between two people who are dating, living together, or married.
It’s not just about bruises.
Physical abuse is a pattern of coercive behavior intended to control another person by intimidating and hurting them. There may be no visible signs of physical abuse but it can have long-lasting effects on your partner and your relationship.
Physical abuse can make you feel afraid or stressed in your relationship. It may even convince you that you deserve to be hurt or that you are to blame for the mistreatment.
That being said, you should know that she may be suffering from some form of depression, anxiety, or other mental illness.
So, let’s take a look at why women hit men.
Women hit men for many reasons
There are many reasons why a woman might hit her partner. If a woman grew up witnessing her mother hitting her father, she might not have any other model for expressing herself.
Some women hit men as a form of self-defense. If a woman has been abused by a partner before, she might have developed a fear response that causes her to lash out.
According to a study by the University of South Carolina and Yale University “Why I Hit Him: Women’s Reasons for Intimate Partner Violence” there are five reasons women hit men: expression of negative emotions, self-defense, control, jealousy, and tough guise.
1) Women hit men as an expression of negative emotions
Many women hit their partners as an expression of negative emotions like anger, frustration, or disappointment.
If your girlfriend has a hot temper, her emotions may get the best of her, leading her to lash out at you.
If she has a history of being abused in her past, she may not even realize that she’s expressing negative emotions. If your girlfriend is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety, she may have difficulty managing her emotions.
Anger is often a symptom of PTSD and anxiety. It’s important to remember that domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse can be equally damaging.
If your girlfriend shows signs of an abusive personality, it’s a good idea to talk to her about seeking professional help.
2) Some hit men in self-defense
Some women hit their partners as a form of self-defense when they feel like they’re in danger.
Physical abuse is illegal and unethical no matter who commits it, but self-defense is a tricky issue.
Many women have been in relationships where they feel like they’re always walking on eggshells and that they’re not safe.
So, they hit their partners as a last resort to try and protect themselves because they feel like they’ve tried everything else.
But the truth is that violence is never the best way to deal with a situation. If you hit your girlfriend, she has every right to hit you back.
If you’ve never hit her and she hits you because of past trauma or because she doesn’t feel safe around you, you should encourage her to talk to a therapist.
She needs to understand that she is safe with you and that hitting you is not ok.
3) Women hit men in an attempt to control their partners
Sometimes women hit their partners in an attempt to control them. They may not be able to control the man’s actions, but they want to control his reaction.
Many women who engage in controlling behavior have experienced abuse in the past. They’ve been shamed and told that their feelings don’t matter, so they’re used to controlling their emotions.
If your girlfriend has hit you in an attempt to control you, you’ll need to set boundaries and stick to them. You may also benefit from speaking to a relationship coach.
Personally, I recommend giving Relationship Hero a try. It’s a website with highly trained relationship coaches, most of whom have psychology degrees.
They can help you deal with any kind of relationship problem you’re facing – including an abusive relationship.
If you really love your girlfriend and don’t want to let her go, but you don’t want to keep getting hit by her, then I really believe they can help you.
I know from my own experience how talking to a relationship coach can be helpful.
I went through a really dark period with my husband last year and I was ready to give up and divorce him until my friend told me about Relationship Hero.
I’m not usually the type to use such services but I had reached the end of my tether and I thought, what the heck?
And boy was I glad I gave them a shot!
I was surprised that my relationship coach had a psychology degree and really understood my problem. They helped me figure out why my husband and I were stuck in a rut and what we could do about it.
I spoke to them a few more times after that and my marriage is on the mend and my husband and I are happy again.
It’s really simple, you don’t have to make appointments weeks in advance to talk to someone. You just go onto their site and within a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach.
4) Some women hit men out of jealousy
Some women hit their partners out of jealousy and possessiveness. They don’t want their partners to show interest in other women and feel like they have to put their partners in their place.
After all, jealousy is an emotion that’s easy to get caught up in
If your girlfriend has hit you out of jealousy, it’s likely that she’s struggling with some other issues as well, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and low self-worth.
You should tell her that she has no reason to be jealous, that hitting you is not ok, and finally, encourage her to seek professional help.
5) Tough guise
Some women hit their partners because they want to show them that there will be consequences if they attempt to hurt them.
“A woman may use aggression to convey the message to her partner that she is not to be trifled with and that he had better take her seriously – there will be violent consequences if he tries to hurt her” (Thomas, 2005).
So if you’ve ever done anything to hurt your girlfriend, whether it be a form of physical or verbal abuse, then her hitting you is a way of protecting herself. In that case, you are the one who is in the wrong and you need to seek professional help.
Domestic abuse is never ok, and it’s especially wrong when it’s done to someone weaker than yourself.
The bottom line is that if your girlfriend has hit you to show you there will be consequences if you try to hurt her, you should really take a long hard look at yourself.
6) Alcohol and drug abuse can also be reasons why women hit men
It’s also important to note that alcohol and drug abuse are common reasons why women lash out at their partners.
Now, if your girlfriend has a substance abuse problem, she may not realize that she’s hitting you because she has lost control of her actions.
You should really get her to seek professional help for her substance abuse problem.
Here are some more reasons to consider:
7) Women hit men because they’ve been abused
One of the most common reasons why women hit men is that they’ve been abused in the past.
If a woman has experienced abuse at the hands of a previous partner, she might not know how to respond to conflict and anger in a non-violent way.
Some women might lash out at their current partner because they’re re-enacting an abusive relationship they’ve experienced in the past.
If you’ve been abused in the past, you might respond to your current partner in the same way.
Women who were abused as children might struggle to express their anger and frustration in a healthy way. They might hit their partners out of frustration or anger because they don’t know any other way to respond.
If your girlfriend has been abused in the past, you need to tell her that hitting you is not the solution. Encourage her to seek some therapy to help her express her anger in a healthy way.
Tell her that you are there for her no matter what. You might also want to reach out to a domestic violence hotline to talk about getting some additional support.
8) Some women hit men out of frustration or anger
Some women might hit their partners out of frustration or anger. People sometimes hit others when they’re experiencing a lot of stress or tension.
If she’s been experiencing a lot of stress, it might be causing her to lash out at you. If this is happening to you, I know it can’t be pleasant. But there’s something you can do.
If you can get your girlfriend to watch this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê, it will help her get rid of her anger and frustration and stop lashing out at you.
Rudá really helped me out when I was going through a really stressful time in my life – my marriage was falling apart, I had lost my job, my grandmother had died and I didn’t think I could take anything else happening to me.
Here’s the thing: Rudá isn’t just another guru or life coach. Through shamanism and his own life experience, Rudá has developed a contemporary version of ancient healing methods.
He has combined his years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs to design a video that will help you relax and really get in touch with your body and soul.
After watching Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow I realized just how much I was repressing my emotions and what it was doing to me.
And that’s what your girlfriend needs:
She needs to reconnect to her feelings so that she can begin focusing on the relationship she has with herself. And once she has done that, the relationship she has with you will automatically improve.
And you know what, you could benefit from watching the video too.
What to do if your girlfriend hits you
If you’ve been experiencing domestic violence at the hands of your girlfriend, you should know that this situation is not normal.
If your girlfriend has hit you, you should take it seriously. Domestic violence is often on a spectrum. It can start out as name-calling and end up as physical abuse.
If this has happened in your relationship, you should talk to her about it and tell her that it’s not acceptable behavior.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect by your partner. Remember, you don’t have to put up with abuse. It’s important to seek help and find support so that you’re able to break the cycle of domestic violence.
There are lots of resources available to people who are experiencing domestic violence. You can reach out to a domestic violence hotline or you might find it helpful to see a therapist.
A therapist can help you process what’s happening, explore your feelings about the situation, and develop a plan for how to get out of this unhealthy relationship.
It’s also a good idea to understand why your girlfriend is acting the way she is.
1) Understand why your girlfriend is angry
This may sound obvious, but you need to understand why your girlfriend is feeling so angry. Anger can be caused by many different things, such as a difficult childhood, a recent traumatic event, or feeling out of control in her life.
If you don’t understand where your girlfriend’s anger is coming from, you won’t be able to help her.
Try to understand what is causing her anger so that you can support her.
2) Talk to your girlfriend about her anger
If you have an idea of what’s making your girlfriend so angry, try to talk to her about it. It will be helpful for both of you if she can get things off her chest.
You can also use this as an opportunity to get more insight into her. It’s important to remember that two people are rarely ever angry for the same reason.
You can’t blame her for what she’s feeling, but you can try to help her deal with those emotions in a healthy way.
If your girlfriend is hesitant to talk about what’s making her angry, try to be patient with her. It can be difficult to open up about this, especially if she has a lot of built-up anger inside of her.
Be sure to remind her that you’re there to support her and help her with her emotions.
3) Help your girlfriend manage her anger
If your girlfriend is open to it, you can help her manage her anger.
There are many different approaches you can take to this, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and mindfulness.
CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on your current thoughts and behaviours. Typically, this therapy takes place in a group setting and can last from six to nine months.
Mindfulness is a type of therapy that focuses on being aware of your current thoughts and emotions in the present moment. This approach can be done on your own, with a partner, or with a therapist.
4) Seek professional help if needed
It’s important to remember that not all anger is bad. In fact, it’s essential to your survival.
That said, if your girlfriend’s anger is negatively impacting her life and yours, it’s time to seek professional help.
Anger can be dangerous if it’s not managed properly. It can lead to destruction, aggression, and can cause your girlfriend to push people away. Getting help is the best way to get her anger under control and make sure that it stays that way.
If you’re in a relationship with a person who has anger issues, it can be tough. You have to constantly be on the defensive, watching out for the next time she blows up.
Remember that you aren’t responsible for her emotions. You can’t control this, and trying to do so will only make things worse.
Managing your girlfriend’s anger can be tricky, but it’s possible. If you can talk to her about what’s making her angry and help her manage her emotions, you can start to make a difference in your relationship.
Remember that you can’t control her emotions, but you can control how you respond to them. Communicate with your girlfriend and try to understand what’s making her so angry.
Once you do, you can try to help her manage her emotions.
Finally, if you’ve tried everything to understand why your girlfriend is hitting you and to get her to seek help and she refuses and continues to take out her frustrations on you, it may be time to move on.
Don’t feel guilty for breaking up with her if you’ve done everything you can to help her. You shouldn’t have to stay in an abusive relationship with someone who doesn’t want to change.