Is he really busy or is he avoiding me? Here are 11 things to look for

You’ve been seeing this guy for a while, and things have gotten to the point where you’d like to take the relationship further.

So you make your move, and…nothing. He goes radio silent. Is he just that busy with work? Or is it something else entirely?

Here are 11 things to look for to find out if he’s really busy or avoiding you.

1) He’s vague when you ask him to hang out

If a guy is busy, he’ll let you know about it—specifically.

He might say something like, “My schedule is really packed right now, but I’m thinking about you.”

If he’s brushing you off, however, he’ll be vague.

He might say, “Things are kind of crazy right now, but I’d love to hang out soon.”

This is a huge red flag because it shows he’s not really interested in spending time with you.

You’re not special enough for him to want to carve out time in his schedule to see you.

That is what it means when he’s vague: It means he’s avoiding you.

You see, men are not as complicated as we often think they are.

It’s actually pretty simple: if a guy likes you, you won’t even question it, and if you’re questioning his feelings, he doesn’t like you.

A good man will not leave you sitting at home, doubting whether he’s busy or doesn’t like you – he will make sure that he is explaining his reasons for not being able to see you so that you can understand.

So, if he is being vague and you have no idea where you stand? That’s not a good sign.

2) You only hear from him when he wants something

If you make the mistake of thinking a guy is interested in you just because he calls you a lot or wants to hang out with you, you could be in for a rude awakening.

A guy who’s interested in you will be pretty persistent about hanging out with you.

A guy who’s avoiding you will call you only when he needs something from you.

A guy who’s interested in you will make time for you.

He won’t let work or other obligations get in the way of your relationship.

A guy who’s interested in what you have will make time for you when it benefits him.

You see, when you always just hear from him when he needs something or is horny, then he is not really into you.

A man who is falling in love doesn’t behave that way, he will make you a priority.

3) You’re putting too much pressure on the situation

Look, I get it.

Someone pulls back and all alarm bells get activated.

You start working overtime trying to make them notice you and give you all that glorious attention you were receiving before.

But this often works in the opposite way that you want it to, and if anything pushes them away.

Scary, right?

Rudá Iandê is a world famous shaman who has helped thousands (like you and me) overcome these types of behaviours and expectations we carry.

The one in question being the desire to start desperately clamouring for scraps of love.

His free Self-Love Quiz is a fantastic free resource for covering all bases when it comes to your current relationship with yourself and this man in question.

Because, and I’ll be honest now, if you struggle with your confidence and your self-worth, this will inevitably bleed out and start causing some harm in your relationship as it more often than not pushes people away.

So use this opportunity to really reflect on what it is that you want out of a relationship, and whether your current actions are preventing you from taking this connection to the next level.

Click here to try out the quiz – it’s free and super quick to complete!

4) His behavior is different in person than it is over text

If it seems as though there is something different about the way a guy treats you in person than he does over text, it’s probably because there is something different.

If he’s suddenly more distant or nervous around you, something is wrong.

If he’s not as flirty and playful as he usually is, something is wrong.

Something is off and you need to find out what it is. If he’s being distant and quieter in person than he is over text, it’s usually because he’s not comfortable with you or shy.

He feels as though you are getting too close for comfort, so he’s pulling away from you. Usually, guys will do this because they’re afraid of getting hurt or they’re not interested in you.

Now: if he is just as timid and avoidant in person as he is over text, he is probably not that interested in you.

If he seems distant over text, but really into you in person, then he might just not be a big texter.

He’s just not the kind of guy who texts all the time.

If he’s being weird and awkward around you, it might be because he doesn’t know how to act around long-term relationships or with commitment.

He might not be used to actually being with a girl for longer than two weeks, so it’s no surprise that he’s acting weird in person.

5) He stops messaging you first

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If you’ve been talking to a guy for a while, he should be the one initiating contact in between your dates.

A guy who’s interested in you will not only want to see you more often, but he’ll also want to talk to you more often.

This is especially true if you’re on a few dates or if you’ve just started seeing each other.

If all of sudden the guy you’re seeing stops contacting you first, it’s because he’s either lost interest in you or he doesn’t want you to think he’s interested in you.

If you’ve noticed he’s not the one who initiates contact anymore, pay attention to how he responds to your messages.

If he’s still responding to you, but he’s not initiating contact himself, it’s probably because he’s interested. If he’s not interested, he’s probably going to ignore your texts.

But the thing is, if a guy really likes you and is just busy, he will still find time to initiate texts. You see, when he gets home in the evening and you haven’t talked all day, he will send you a text or call you.

However, if he’s avoiding you, then he won’t. He’ll find excuses not to talk to you.

6) He constantly has excuses not to meet up

If you’ve been dating a guy for a while and you want to take the next step, you should expect him to want to meet up.

If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and you want to start getting physical, you probably want to see him more often.

If you’re at a point where you want to take the relationship to the next level, you should expect him to want to meet up.

Now: if a guy is simply busy, he will have valid excuses why he can’t meet with you, but at the same time he will try to offer you an alternative date when you can actually meet.

If he is avoiding you, he won’t have any excuses. He’ll just keep saying he’s busy, without offering you an alternative date.

So, if there are constant excuses without real reasons behind them and he is not making an effort to find a date to meet up, he’s avoiding you.

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7) He often responds to your conversations with silence

If you and your guy are having a regular conversation and then all of a sudden he goes silent, something is up.

If you initiate a conversation with him and he responds with a one-worded reply, silence, or nothing at all, something is definitely wrong.

You see, a guy who is busy will still make the time to reply to you.

Or at least, he won’t read a message until he has the time to get back to you, and will then reply extensively.

A guy who is avoiding you, on the other hand, will do the opposite.

He will leave you on read or won’t even read your messages in the first place.

8) He doesn’t offer to help you feel better when you’re upset

If he’s not only interested in you romantically but also wants to be a good friend, he’ll let you know that you can reach out to him when you need support.

No matter how busy someone is, when he cares about you, he will let you know that he’s there for you when you’re not feeling great.

So if he doesn’t offer to help you feel better when you’re upset, he’s not interested in being there for you.

But if this is the case, don’t lose hope just yet. Not all is lost. 

Because if he can’t help you, the best you can do is to help yourself. I know it can sound hopeless and miserable, but it’s actually the key to finding the love you deserve.

I learned all of this from renowned shaman Ruda Iande’s masterclass on Love and Intimacy. In there, he taught me how to stop depending on other people to get what I need. That in order for me to find the love I deserve, I should start treating and loving myself better first.

So if you want the same for yourself, I really recommend this masterclass. Who knows? By the end of it, you might just realize that you don’t need this guy in your life at all.

Click here for the free masterclass.

9) When you have plans to meet up, he doesn’t confirm and flakes out

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Okay, have you ever talked to a guy and made plans to meet up, but when you text him to confirm, he doesn’t reply?

In fact, he doesn’t even reply to your follow-up text.

If this happens often and there’s no excuse for it, like he’s really busy or his phone died, he is definitely avoiding you.

He is probably just not interested in meeting up with you.

A guy who wants to be with you will make sure to confirm your plans.

He will also make sure to reply to your follow-up text.

If he doesn’t, that’s probably because he is avoiding you.

You see, when a guy does that to you, you should definitely pull the plug on the relationship yourself.

It’s just not very respectful to you.

10) He doesn’t initiate dates with you or ask you out

You should expect your guy to ask you out on dates.

It’s your right to be asked out and not have to ask him out.

If he doesn’t, he is just trying to avoid dating you.

He is probably just not interested in dating you or being your boyfriend.

If this happens often, it’s definitely time to break up with him, because he isn’t interested in being with you romantically.

The thing is, if a guy is super busy, I can promise you that if he likes you, he will still ask you out on dates.

Maybe it will be something like, “Hey, once things calm down at work in a couple of weeks, can I take you for dinner?”

Again – no room for doubt.

If a guy never asks you out on a date and you are the one asking to hang out all the time, then he’s avoiding you.

11) He gives you one-word answers and barely responds to your texts

If you’re texting a guy you’re interested in, you should expect at least a few texts back when you text him.

If you text him and all you get back is one or two words, something is wrong.

If you find yourself texting him and not getting much of a response back, you should wonder why.

This is what happens when a guy is interested in you but doesn’t know if he actually wants to be with you.

He’s not used to dealing with feelings and emotions, so he doesn’t know how to respond when you’re being forward.

The thing is, if he is not texting you back, he is most probably avoiding you and not just busy.

Sure, he might be busy for a few hours and not text, but if a guy truly likes you, he will find time during his busy day to get back to you, even if it’s from the bathroom stall.

Or, you know, he will text you in the morning, saying “Hey, I won’t be able to get back to you today, it’s a super busy day. Talk tomorrow?”

Again, if he likes you, he won’t leave room for doubts.

Respect yourself

My biggest tip is to keep your self-respect.

But the concept is easy to throw around, the question is how to learn and maintain it.

My self-respect and esteem was in tatters after my previous relationship. A year of cheating and gaslighting left me desperate for every morsel of love, even if it came from emotionally unavailable men.

It’s why I recommend this free Love and Intimacy Masterclass, by Rudá Iandé, which I’ve mentioned before.

Rudá has helped me more than any therapist or life coach when it comes to unlearning fairytale ideals I held of a hopeless romance. It covers pretty much everything I have needed to improve and learn not only to love myself, but also to stop chasing people who are walking away.

And the best part?

You’ll learn in this masterclass that love still exists in all it’s glory–it’s beautiful, complex, and supportive. It just doesn’t show up in the ways in which many of us believe it will.

So if you want to find love outside of your uncertain relationship with this man, there’s no harm in giving this masterclass a try.

Click here to access the free masterclass.

Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more!

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