In a long distance relationship but attracted to a colleague at work – help!

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years – we live about 2 hours away from each other, so we do get to see each other fairly regularly (a couple of times a month). A new girl joined my office a few months ago, and I initially found her attractive but didn’t think too much about it. We’ve started speaking more and now we take our coffee breaks together. I find myself looking forward to her company, and it’s making me confused about my ldr (long-distance relationship). I know I love my girlfriend, but I can’t stop thinking about the girl at work. I feel bad about it but so far have kept it very clean and platonic, but I get the feeling she might like me too. She knows I’m in a relationship. I guess I’m just not sure whether this means I should end things with my girlfriend and see what happens with office girl, or distance myself from her and focus on my relationship. The last thing I want is to cheat! – Anonymous 

Dear Anonymous, 

Long-distance relationships are, for obvious reasons, hard. Not impossible to make work, but they do come with a unique set of hurdles that most couples who live close to each other don’t experience. So it’s natural that you’d feel confused now that there’s someone local who catches your attention. 

Now I must mention, feeling attracted to someone else while in a relationship doesn’t make you a villain; it makes you human. However, what defines your character and the integrity of your relationships is how you act on these feelings.

You’re standing at a crucial point in the road where you must confront the essence of what you truly want in a relationship. Is the allure of this new connection a symptom of underlying issues in your current relationship, or is it merely the excitement of novelty? 

It’s also time to have a candid conversation with your girlfriend about your current state of mind. Not necessarily confessing your attraction to someone else, but rather expressing any concerns, dissatisfactions, or needs that aren’t being met. Do this out of fairness to her, but also to respect for the love and time you’ve shared together.

Simultaneously, introspect on what this coworker represents to you. Is it genuine compatibility or simply convenience? Remember, grass often seems greener where it’s watered.

Reflect on what you’re nurturing with your attention and energy.

The truth is, commitment isn’t just about staying faithful in presence but in intention. If your heart is straying, ask yourself whether you’re genuinely invested in your relationship or if you’re holding on to a comfort zone. The last thing you want is to cheat, which is commendable. But emotional infidelity can be just as damaging as physical. Are you crossing that line?

Make a decision not out of fear or guilt, but from a place of integrity and respect—for yourself and the people involved. If your heart leans towards exploring a new connection, have the courage to end your current relationship respectfully before pursuing anything new. If you decide that what you have is too valuable to risk, then it’s time to distance yourself from this new temptation and refocus on your relationship. Invest in finding ways to bridge the distance, not just geographically but emotionally.

Wishing you all the best,


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Ask Evie

Evie is on a mission to revolutionize relationships and help you sort through your emotional woes. Her popular column helps readers break free from societal restraints and create empowering relationships - both with their inner selves and with those around them. With a wealth of experience in relationship counseling, backed by several professional certifications, she’s open-minded, big-hearted, and extremely compassionate… But she’ll also be completely honest in telling you the (sometimes) brutal truth, so you can get straight to the heart of the matter. Maybe you’re trying to save a marriage that currently feels like a sinking ship? Or worrying that your new friend isn’t quite as nice as they seem? Perhaps you’ve accidentally killed your partner’s goldfish and are weighing up the pros and cons of going to the pet store and finding a doppelganger, or fessing up? Whatever the dilemma, Evie’s at the ready to help sort through the emotional turmoil and guide you towards the next best step. To get in touch with Evie, click here.

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