Hi Evie. I need some perspective on a situation that has been going on for me for some years. In 2022, a new girl joined my friendship group. I was instantly attracted to her; she’s attractive, intelligent, funny, the whole package. I let our rapport grow a little before asking her out, but was met with a gentle rejection. Since then, we’ve become fairly good friends and continue to socialize with the same group. I still have feelings for her, but nowhere near the magnetism I felt a couple of years ago. However, when we were out drinking last week (and all fairly tipsy), she became pretty touchy-feely and started making comments about how I should give asking her out another go. I had completely put that possibility to the back of my mind and nothing she has said before indicated any reciprocated feelings, so I can’t tell if it was the alcohol talking or if I should try again? My ego was okay after the first rejection but it did sting so I don’t want to put myself in that same position twice. Thanks! – Ricky, NY
Dear Ricky,
Ah, the classic dance of unrequited attraction – been there, done that, got the slightly awkward group photo to prove it. Let’s untangle this web of mixed signals and late-night confessions, shall we?
First off, kudos to you for handling the initial rejection with grace. That takes some serious emotional maturity, and it’s definitely not something my younger self could have pulled off without a few melodramatic sighs. But now, it sounds like this friend is throwing you a curveball, or should I say, a “tipsy truth bomb.”
Alcohol has a funny way of loosening lips and blurring boundaries, and it’s totally possible that she was just caught up in the moment. Maybe she was feeling a bit nostalgic, or maybe she was trying to boost your ego after a few too many cocktails. Either way, I wouldn’t read too much into it…
Remember, actions speak louder than (tipsy) words.
If she hasn’t shown any consistent signs of interest in you beyond that one boozy night, it’s probably best to let sleeping dogs lie. Or in this case, let sleeping “ghosts of crushes past” stay peacefully buried.
So, my advice?
Enjoy the friendship, but don’t get your hopes up. If she’s genuinely interested, she’ll make it clear when she’s sober. Until then, focus on building connections with people who are excited to reciprocate your feelings. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve someone who’s head over heels for you–not just head over heels from a few too many drinks.
Chin up, and remember, you’re awesome just the way you are.
Evie
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