Picture the scene.
It’s Saturday night, you crack open a bottle of wine, order a takeaway, and slump in front of the TV with your partner.
Thirty minutes in, you turn around and they’re sleeping like a baby!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good movie night (and I love pizza even more).
But do you ever feel like things are getting predictable?
In other words, boring and mundane.
Where’s the excitement? Where’s the surprise? Where’s the vodka Red Bull-fueled debauchery?
Here’s the thing.
There could be several reasons why your relationship runs like clockwork. You might just be getting older, wiser, and slowing down. Your interests could be changing.
You could be overworked, busy dealing with family issues, or have money problems.
Or your relationship could just be getting stale.
How to fix it?
Check out these six behaviors below. If you recognize any, they might be to blame.
1) Too much time together
Did you ever hear this expression?
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
It’s true!
I know it sounds counter-intuitive. After all, they’re your soulmate, your best friend, the love of your life. It’s only natural that you want to spend every waking moment by their side.
But trust me, it’s not healthy to be together 24/7 (so don’t force it).
There’s even science behind it.
Couples in long-distance relationships have more meaningful interactions compared to those who see each other every day.
Think about it.
When you’re apart, you’ll start to miss them. This will, in turn, make you realize how special they are. It acts as a little reminder, which motivates you to put the effort in.
You’ll both be more driven to spend quality time together, share new experiences, and take a break from the routine.
I’m talking about exciting date nights, quality time together, and more fun in the bedroom!
Simply put, you’ll stop…
2) Taking them for granted
It’s easily done.
Especially if you’ve been together for a while.
It’s like you forget why you’re even together in the first place.
One minute you’re incredibly smitten and grateful that you’ve found someone in your life. The next, you can’t wait to get out of the house and have a break from all those annoying habits.
It’s extremely common.
Listen, I get it. Life happens. We can’t always be showering our partner with gifts and surprising them with exciting adventures.
But at the same time, when it comes to taking each other for granted, it’s the small things that count.
Stuff like active listening. Deep and meaningful conversations. Showing respect.
That’s right.
It doesn’t always have to be diamond rings and romantic weekend breaks!
3) Caught in a routine
Routines are important.
They’re great for forming positive habits, creating structure in your life, and basically, getting sh*t done.
I’d say they’re absolutely essential, especially for busy families or career-minded individuals.
But at the same time, they’re not very spontaneous (by definition).
Here’s the problem.
They go against everything that an exciting, fresh, and passionate relationship should be.
A classic example is when you meet someone special on vacation.
You’re both in party mode. Carefree and adventurous. Things can be great at first. But once you take that relationship back to your ‘real-life’ environment, it can flatline.
After all, you’ve got to juggle all those responsibilities, so things will inevitably calm down.
Try to occasionally break the routine (I know it’s tough, but trust me).
It’ll spice things up and keep things from stagnating.
4) Avoiding conflict
This is an interesting one (and is based on flawed logic).
Some couples try really hard to avoid arguments. After all, if they don’t fight, everything will be perfect!
Wrong!
Heated discussions (or disagreements) are vital to the success of any relationship. There are studies that prove it.
Look at it this way.
If something is bothering you (there usually is), bottling it up and not communicating your frustration only makes it worse.
It’s fine to have a difference of opinion. How boring would the world be if we agreed on everything?
But tell them!
And talk about it, respectfully.
You’ll feel a weight is lifted. Look at it as an opportunity to better understand one another and move your relationship forward.
Being afraid to speak your mind is a common reason for relationships to feel dull. It’s like you’re caught in a stalemate, with no progress being made.
5) Screen addicts
Whether it’s your phone, computer, or TV, they all create the same problem.
In a word, distraction!
Let’s say you book a romantic meal out.
You order your delicious food, sip some wine, and then disaster strikes.
While you’re waiting, you both reach for your phones.
You’re together, but you’re not really.
Please, leave your phones at home! I know it’s tempting. You’ve probably formed strong procrastination and doom-scrolling habits over many years.
Instead, be in the moment, one-on-one, with your partner.
Listen to everything they have to say. Their hopes, dreams, fears.
This is how strong bonds are formed and cemented.
Plus, there’s more.
Social media can be extremely addictive and is terrible for your well-being. It’s even been linked to an increase in depression.
So next time you reach for your phone, try to stop (especially if you’re on a date).
6) Lack of intimacy
I’d say this is usually a symptom rather than a cause (of a dull relationship).
But it can create a downward spiral and make things much worse.
Here’s how it goes.
The more your relationship stagnates, the less intimate you become, which causes even more stagnation.
It’s important to break the cycle. Hopefully, by following some of the points above.
Physical affection isn’t everything, but it is a big part of any thriving relationship. It can make us feel more confident, loved, and appreciated. Not to mention, create a stronger bond.
And finally, something many people don’t realize…
Bedroom activity is usually a mental thing (not physical). Work on fixing your relationship first and physical intimacy should follow naturally.
