When one person feels ticked off or bitter about something that’s been going on, they can hold onto that resentment for a long time.
And when does it almost always surface? When an argument or disagreement happens, of course.
Talking it out and understanding each other’s perspectives can help ease that tension and make things better.
But let’s first see what phrases your partner might be using during an argument that reveal they’re secretly holding onto resentment.
1) “Fine, do whatever you want”
If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, you’ve either heard or used this phrase. It’s what you say when you’re fed up or just can’t be bothered to argue anymore.
But let’s be real, it’s not a great sign. It’s basically saying, “I give up, do whatever makes you happy, I guess.”
When you keep hearing this line from your partner, it’s a red flag and shows there’s some serious communication issues going on.
2) “I’ll just do it myself”
Another phrase that reeks of resentment is this one. They’re taking matters into their own hands because they don’t trust you to handle it the way they want.
In other words, your partner is feeling let down or unimpressed with your efforts.
And sure, sometimes it’s easier to just take control and do things your own way, but constantly hearing this phrase is frankly devastating.
Here’s an example. Your partner has asked you to help with cleaning the house, but you keep procrastinating or doing a half-hearted job.
Fed up with waiting, they declare, “I’ll just do it myself,” and start tackling the chores alone.
Or they’ve been trying to discuss budgeting and financial planning with you, but you keep brushing off the conversation.
Frustrated with your lack of interest, they say, “Forget it. I’ll just manage our finances on my own.”
Ouch!
3) “You always…”
When someone starts a sentence with “You always…” they’re basically pointing out something they’ve noticed happening over and over again.
They’re saying, “Hey, this thing you keep doing? It’s really getting on my nerves.”
Whether you leave dirty dishes in the sink, forget to text back, or interrupt during conversations, hearing “You always…” can make you feel like you’re constantly messing up in your partner’s eyes.
And then we have this:
4) “You never…”
“You never…” is like the ultimate accusation in a relationship. It’s what you say when you’re feeling frustrated or disappointed because you’ve noticed a consistent pattern of behavior from your partner that’s been letting you down.
Or vice versa.
From forgetting important dates and failing to follow through on promises to neglecting to show appreciation, hearing “You never…” can feel like a punch in the gut.
And that’s because your partner is highlighting all the ways you’re falling short in their eyes.
5) “You just don’t get it”
If they’re frustrated because they feel you don’t understand their point of view, that’s causing tension between you.
It’s what they say when they’ve been trying to explain something to you, but it feels like they’re talking to a brick wall.
Again, I believe we’ve all been through this at some point in our lives. It mostly happens when you’re not seeing eye to eye on an issue or when your partner feels like you’re not taking their feelings or experiences seriously enough.
Ultimately, there’s a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up, or perhaps you need to work on your active listening skills to show that you’re genuinely trying to understand them.
6) “I guess you don’t care”
Okay, so picture this: your partner has been longing to spend more quality time with you, but you always seem too busy with work or other commitments.
After yet another canceled date night, they sigh and mutter, “I guess you don’t care about making time for us.”
Or, they’ve been craving affection and intimacy from you, but you always seem distant or disinterested.
Feeling rejected and unloved, they comment, “I guess you don’t care about showing me affection anymore.”
Both of these examples are a cry for attention and validation, hoping to spark a deeper conversation or change in behavior in you.
Either way, reassuring your partner you love them and want to listen to what they have to say is key to repairing the hurt and rebuilding trust in your relationship.
Show them you care about their feelings and are committed to making things right. This can go a long way toward healing the rift between you.
7) “I’m used to it”
They’ve gotten used to something they don’t like because they don’t see a way to change it.
It’s a sign that they’ve learned to cope with the situation, even though it’s not ideal. Basically, they’ve stopped hoping for things to improve.
Maybe they’ve tried to fix the problem before, but it hasn’t worked out. Or maybe they feel stuck in a situation they can’t change.
Hearing “I’m used to it” is a bit like a reality check in the relationship. It’s a reminder that your partner’s not thrilled with something, but they’ve come to terms with it one way or another.
Instead of just brushing off their feelings, it’s worth taking a moment to understand where they’re coming from.
Maybe you can find a compromise, or perhaps just offering a listening ear can help them feel better about the situation.
8) “I’m not upset”
This is the classic deflection phrase, isn’t it? It’s what you say when you’re actually pretty ticked off, but you’re trying to downplay your feelings to avoid making things worse.
So, when your partner drops this line, they’re basically trying to sweep their emotions under the rug.
But let’s be real, nine times out of ten, they’re definitely upset about something. Maybe they don’t want to start a fight, or perhaps they’re worried about rocking the boat.
Instead of just accepting their denial at face value, it’s worth gently probing to see if there’s something bothering them.
Try to find a way to deal with their resentment calmly and respectfully without blowing up into a full-blown argument.
9) “Whatever”
“Whatever” is the conversation killer in a relationship. We say it when we’re fed up and just want to throw in the towel, even if nothing’s been resolved.
For example, you and your partner can’t agree on what to do for the weekend, and the discussion is going nowhere. Frustrated, your partner says, “Fine, whatever, I don’t care anymore.”
Hearing “whatever” can be pretty irritating because it feels like your partner’s giving up on finding a solution. They’re shutting down the conversation without even trying to work things out.
Instead of just letting the conversation fizzle out (which is easier), try to determine the underlying issues.
Relationships are all about compromise, so it’d be great if you could find one. Or, again, perhaps just acknowledging their frustration can help ease the tension.
10) “It’s not a big deal”
They’re trying to downplay something that actually bothers them, maybe because they don’t want to make a big fuss.
But deep down, it might actually be bothering them more than they’re letting on. Maybe they don’t want to seem too sensitive, or perhaps they’re worried about making you feel bad.
So, for instance, you promised to help them with a task but forgot to follow through. When you mention it, they respond with, “It’s not a big deal.”
They obviously feel let down but don’t want to talk about it.
11) “Forget it. It doesn’t matter”
When your partner says, “Forget it. It doesn’t matter,” they’re closing the door on a conversation that they don’t want to have. They’re brushing off the issue, hoping it’ll just disappear on its own.
Maybe they’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated and don’t know how to express it. Or they’re worried that addressing the problem will only make things worse.
Instead of just dropping the subject, take a moment to pause and reassess and try one of the following:
- Approach the issue from a different angle
- Find common ground
- Give each other some space
Final thoughts
Communication is everything. Instead of brushing off these comments or getting defensive, you need to start listening up, showing empathy, and working together to find solutions.
In the end, tackling problems head-on, even if it’s uncomfortable, is what keeps relationships strong and healthy.
So, next time you hear one of these phrases, dive into that conversation. It’s worth it.
