Clifton Kopp
A lot of people in relationships say that they’d do anything for the other person. But will they put their money where their mouth is when it really comes down to it?
That depends, of course. It varies from person to person, and what I’d do for my partner might be completely different to what you might do. You might be willing to help them bury a body, for example.
Although hopefully, it won’t come to that.
Let’s assume hypothetically that your partner really will do anything for you. What does that anything look like? And what things might you need them to do?
Let’s take a look at eleven things that your partner will be willing to do if they’re your forever person.
1) Practice open and honest communication
Your forever person will go out of their way to communicate openly and honestly.
This kind of open and honest communication is important because it’s what’s going to help you to address any issues in your relationship.
If you’re not open and honest with each other, you might not even be aware that there is an issue.
It should go without saying that you need to know that something’s wrong if you want to fix it. And you’re never going to know whether anything’s wrong unless you practice that open and honest communication.
And remember, it’s never too late to start talking to your partner.
2) Support you in everything you do
A partner who’s your forever person will support you in everything you do, whether they understand it or not.
For example, I’m a writer and musician, while my partner is neither of those two things.
Despite that, she does everything she can to support me, including coming to my gigs and giving me space to write when I need it.
That’s one of the ways that I know she’s my forever person.
For my part, I try to reciprocate, including by buying her art supplies and by taking an interest in her ever-changing passions. It doesn’t matter what it is that she’s doing, I’ll offer my support. And she’ll do the same for me.
3) Be there for you through thick and thin
This one goes hand in hand with the last point, but there’s a subtle difference.
The way I think of this is that being supportive is what you do when things are going well.
My girlfriend is supportive by coming to my shows and reading my books, and I support her by encouraging her to make more art.
Being there for someone is what you do when things go wrong.
My girlfriend is there for me after a bad gig and when I get bad reviews, or even just on the days when writing feels like pulling teeth. I’m there for her when she’s struggling with her perfectionism and gets so frustrated that she paints over a burgeoning masterpiece with black paint.
If someone’s your forever person, they’ll do both.
4) Respect your boundaries
Boundaries are important to any relationship, but they’re particularly important for your romantic relationships.
When we set boundaries, we’re essentially telling people what we’re comfortable with.
We all have our limits, and it’s important for us to share those limits when we’re practicing that open and honest communication that we talked about.
We then need to make sure that we obey those limits and respect our partner’s boundaries.
In my case, my partner knows when to give me space to get my writing done, and I know when to leave her to watch American Dad or take a nap.
The good news is that this gets easier the longer you spend with someone.
5) Plan surprises for you
Let’s face it: life can be monotonous.
That’s why if someone’s your forever person, they’ll go out of their way to plan little surprises for you that will improve your day and keep you going when it feels like all you’re doing is working, sleeping and working again.
I’ve found that it’s relatively easy to plan surprises, but I’m not very good at being spontaneous. My partner is the other way round. Fortunately for us, we’re able to make it work.
And so if your partner goes out of their way to surprise and delight you, it’s a good sign that they want to be your forever person.
6) Respect your opinions and beliefs
We all have different opinions and beliefs, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s healthy for people in a relationship to have different beliefs.
I know a couple who never bother to discuss what they think of the movies they see because they always just agree with each other. I’d argue that they have to be lying from time to time because that’s just not possible.
But healthy disagreement is one thing, and ridicule and dismissal is something else entirely.
Even when you disagree with someone’s beliefs and opinions, you should still respect their right to have them. It’s not rocket science.
In fact, this is something that you should expect from all of your relationships, and not just your romantic relationship with your forever person.
7) Be willing to compromise
A byproduct of the fact that we don’t always share the same opinions and beliefs is that we occasionally need to compromise.
Compromises are another vital element of any healthy relationship, and as with most things, there’s an ideal middle ground. If you bend over backwards for your partner, you risk being taken advantage of.
Much of this comes back to practicing open and honest communication, which is why we put that first on our list. You need to be able to ensure that both you and your partner understand what each of you wants and how you can compromise to make something work for both of you.
Nassim Nocholas Taleb put it best when he said, “Love without sacrifice is like theft.” Be willing to make those sacrifices.
8) Plan for the future
If you and your partner are planning a future together, it’s a pretty good sign that they’re your forever person.
The opposite is true, too.
If your partner is hesitant to plan things for the future, it suggests that they see the relationship as a short-term commitment, and that doesn’t bode well for your forever.
And while I feel bad for saying this, I know that it’s true because I’ve been that person who didn’t want to plan for the future.
It’s very different for the relationship I’m in now. We’re booking tickets for things that are a year or two in advance and sharing our thoughts on marriage and children.
Sure, we might not be ready to get married right now, but it’s something for us to work towards.
9) Make decisions collaboratively
When you’re planning for the future, it’s important for you to make those decisions together.
It makes a lot of sense, when you think about it.
Few relationships work well if only one of the people is making all of the decisions about the future, and those that do are usually because one of them is some sort of prodigy.
If your partner was Mozart, for example, then you might be willing to let him do the planning.
But most of us aren’t dating people who are going to go down in history, and so there’s no reason for us to not work together when planning the future.
As with everything else, it comes back down to good communication, because if you want something badly or something is non-negotiable, you need to make sure that your partner knows it.
After all, it’s not a collaborative decision if only one person’s voice is being heard.
10) Respect your privacy
Privacy is a fundamental human right in today’s day and age, and it’s something that we’re all more than aware of thanks to the social networking sites we use.
A lot of people in relationships act as though their partner doesn’t have a right to privacy and that they ought to share everything with them.
Openness is obviously a good thing to have in any relationship, but you should also be willing to grant your significant other some privacy.
Don’t be fooled by the argument that privacy doesn’t matter when you’ve got nothing to hide, because we all have things that we’d prefer to keep hidden. It could be as simple as your partner’s birthday presents that you’d prefer to keep as a surprise.
If your partner is willing to respect your privacy, that’s a good sign for the future and an important indicator that they trust you.
11) Share your weird sense of humor
Don’t lie, you know your sense of humor is weird.
In my experience, everyone has a weird sense of humor, it’s just that the form that the weirdness takes tends to vary from person to person.
If you and your partner have totally different senses of humor, you’re going to find it hard to laugh, and I find that laughter is the best thing to bring two people together.
I’ve also noticed amongst my friends that it’s the couples who share the same sense of humor who seem to stay together the longest.
And so while I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s vital for your partner to share your sense of humor, I would argue that it drastically improves their chances of being your forever person.
I hope that you’ve found yours!
