Sometimes, a breakup is not always a breakup.
Sometimes, we act out purely on emotions, only to get cold feet later on.
We soon come to terms with the fact that there’s a palpable void in our lives–one that only can be explained by the absence of our other half.
But human emotions are complex, we can’t just outright say “I want you back!”
It simply just doesn’t work this way.
Instead, there are certain phrases we tend to blurt out, whether intentional or not, that indicate a deep longing.
So if you find your ex saying these things, chances are, the flame still burns.
Let’s get to it!
1) “I miss you”
This is as obvious as it gets, without explicitly asking “Can we get back together ASAP?”
When your ex drops this one, it means they have gone down the rabbit hole of reminiscing, and have begun to feel the heavy pangs of regret and longing.
They’re not just leaving the door ajar, they’re leaving it practically wide open.
The ball is in your court.
If you play your cards right, getting back together should be a legitimate possibility.
2) “I’ve been thinking about us”
When the dust settles, rationality begins to creep up.
Suddenly, those dealbreakers don’t seem so bad anymore; and your ex begins to realize that they may have made a grave mistake.
They’ve used the time away to reflect, and invariably nostalgia has gotten to them.
From my experience, when the person who ended the relationship is sure of their decision, they’ll actively take steps to move on.
So the fact that your ex is thinking of you rather than basking in their newfound singledom is extremely telling.
Rekindling could very well be on the horizon.
3) “Do you want to meet up?” or “Can we talk?”
When you’ve been broken up for some time and get a text from your ex wanting to meet up, it’s typically a good sign–if getting back together is your goal, that is.
This means they’ve been using the time apart to reflect and reassess things.
You’ve been on their mind.
Rather than distracting themselves with partying or seeing new people, your presence is lingering in their head, something they can’t quite shake off.
More often than not, this indicates a desire to reconnect and potentially work things out.
My first real relationship ended when my ex dumped me. It came out of nowhere; I was stunned and heartbroken.
For the next weeks, I had a constant pit in my stomach.
Of course, I made pleas to reunite, claiming I had changed. These frantic texts and calls were mostly met with stone-cold silence.
But one day, I had an epiphany and thus gathered the resolve to begin moving on.
From that day onwards, I began to heal rapidly, transforming from miserable to optimistic.
When I started dating again, I received an unexpected message from my ex: “Can we meet up and talk?”
Call it instinct, but at this point, I knew that she wanted to get back together.
I also felt that it was unfair to me: she devastated me, and just as I began to recover, she wanted to “talk.”
It took every ounce of my strength but I eventually rejected the invite, keeping my dignity firmly intact.
While it was an incredibly tough and painful decision, looking back, I have no regrets.
So if your ex wants to get back together, don’t just jump at the opportunity.
Be fully transparent and ask yourself, “Do I really want this?”
4) “I still care about you”
This indicates that your ex still maintains a soft spot for you, which is a promising indication.
Their emotional attachment to you is enduring, standing the test of time and space.
They may not admit to wanting you back immediately, but they’re throwing you a very sizable bone–giving you that window of opportunity to patch things up, should you want it.
Having said that, emotions are still very tender, so move forward methodically, and don’t become presumptuous.
Slowly but surely, things will work themselves out.
5) “Remember when we used to…”
Nostalgia–one of the most potent of human emotions.
The longer you’ve been together, the more shared memories and inside jokes you have–and the more there is to miss and long for.
So if the ex starts fondly recalling your memorable times together, I’ll bet that they’re also yearning to recreate those powerful moments again.
5 questions to consider before getting back with your ex
Just because your ex wants you back, doesn’t mean you should unequivocally get back together.
Before making any drastic moves, it’s important to carefully assess your situation, taking into account the pros and cons.
Here are five questions to consider:
1) Do you understand the reasons for the breakup?
It’s crucial you fundamentally understand the reasons why things fell apart, or you’ll end up repeating history.
You need to reflect on your issues as a couple and if they are solvable or not; sometimes, things are too far gone to salvage, and you’ll end up just wasting your time and energy.
But if you feel those concerns have been addressed, then trying to mend things may be well worth the effort.
2) Has there been personal growth and change?
Have both you and your ex experienced personal growth and change since the breakup?
Positive changes in behavior, attitude, or life circumstances can heighten the chances of a successful reconciliation.
So if not much growth is evident, you might want to just cut your losses.
3) Are you both willing to communicate?
One of the root causes of many breakups is a lack of communication.
In your second round together you need to be aligned or risk things regressing again.
Are you both willing to be honest and open?
You should know mutually what went wrong in the past, how you’ve grown, and what the goals and boundaries are for the relationship moving forward.
Being on the same page in terms of objectives can help discourage misunderstandings and heartache later on.
4) Are you emotionally ready?
Are you ready for the emotional commitment of a relationship?
Do you want to get really, truly want to get back together?
Try to be completely honest with yourself, as I was in my earlier anecdote.
After things ended in my relationship, even though my ex was willing to work things out, I felt I still needed to decompress–and ultimately, I realized I wasn’t ready to dive back into things.
Reentering a relationship without the wounds still fully healed, with minimal resolution, is a recipe for trouble.
5) Have you consulted with friends and family?
In life, and especially in relationships, we can be “too close to the forest to see the trees.”
Meaning, we get so caught up in our feelings and thoughts, that it becomes legitimately difficult to see things objectively.
That’s why it’s important to have a trustworthy support system.
While the decision is ultimately yours, select friends and family can provide much-needed feedback and perspective.
It would be wise to take what they have to say into account before making any rash decisions.
Choosing who you want to be with is as important a decision as you’ll ever make.
Many people who rely solely on emotions often make the wrong choices.
Meanwhile, fully depending on cold-hard logic can be concerning too.
Hence, when it comes to pursuing relationships, balance should always be a priority.
Move at your own pace. Don’t rush into things.
Be transparent with yourself. Stand tall and first consider your well-being above all else.
You’ll be alright.