If you want to make people like you without trying too hard, say goodbye to these 9 habits

We all yearn for genuine connection with others – it’s part of our human nature. However, developing authentic relationships isn’t about being everyone’s cup of tea or striving for universal popularity.

Instead, it’s about shedding habits that hinder genuine connection – attitudes and behaviors that might be pushing people away rather than drawing them in. It’s about fostering a sense of authenticity and respect, which naturally invites others to do the same.

So, if you’re ready to ditch the over-exertion and build meaningful connections instead, here are nine habits to say goodbye to. Trust me, you won’t miss them.

1) The need to always be right

When it comes to building connections, one common stumbling block is our relentless need to always be right. It’s not about healthy discussions or sharing ideas – it’s about stubbornly clinging to our own views, no matter what.

The trouble with this mindset? It sets up a competition where someone has to win and someone has to lose, instead of fostering a vibe of mutual respect and understanding. It can push people away, making them feel like their thoughts don’t matter.

But here’s the real deal: it’s totally cool to have different opinions. Embrace the chance to learn from others, even if you don’t see eye-to-eye. You don’t have to agree with everything, but simply acknowledging someone else’s perspective can lay the foundation for stronger, more genuine connections.

2) Over-promising and under-delivering

Another habit that can hinder our connections with others is the tendency to over-promise and under-deliver. In my own journey, I’ve realized that while this might stem from a desire to impress or please others, it often leads to disappointment and mistrust.

Commitments are not to be taken lightly. When we promise something, we must make sure we can deliver on it. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and broken promises can quickly erode that trust.

Instead, strive to live by the principle of under-promising and over-delivering. It’s far better to pleasantly surprise someone with more than they expected than to let them down with less.

3) Trying too hard to fit in

In the age of social media and relentless comparisons, there’s this strong urge to blend in, to conform to society’s standards.

But here’s the kicker: trying too hard to fit in can actually push people away because it feels fake. What folks really dig? Authenticity – being unapologetically yourself.

In my video on overcoming loneliness for introverts, I dive deep into this idea. It’s not about whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert; it’s about ditching the small talk and embracing what makes you, well, you. When we lead with our authentic selves, that’s when we build connections that really hit home.


Remember, it’s far more fulfilling to be loved for who you truly are, rather than for who you pretend to be. So instead of trying too hard to fit in, focus on being true to yourself and let your authenticity shine.

If you find these insights helpful and want to explore more about living a life with greater purpose and freedom, you can join over 20,000 others by subscribing to my YouTube channel here.

4) Avoiding self-responsibility

One behavior that can seriously impact our relationships is the tendency to dodge responsibility for our actions and choices. It’s tempting to point fingers at others or external factors for our problems, but doing so locks us into a victim mindset and stunts our personal growth.

Here’s the deal: we’re in the driver’s seat of our own lives – our happiness, our decisions, our reactions. Yeah, it can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s also crazy empowering. When we own up to our lives, we stop being passive spectators and start being active players.

This shift isn’t about beating ourselves up or playing the blame game. It’s about recognizing that we hold the power to shape our own destinies. And guess what? That power extends to our relationships too.

By embracing self-responsibility, we not only empower ourselves but also inspire others to do the same. We create a vibe of respect and understanding, where everyone owns up to their actions.

5) Disregarding the power of creativity

Another habit that can keep us from connecting authentically with others is disregarding the power of creativity.

In our society, creativity is often misunderstood or undervalued, seen merely as a talent for the arts. But in reality, creativity is a fundamental aspect of our humanity that extends far beyond artistic expression.

Creativity is about innovative thinking, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. It’s about how we approach challenges, make decisions, and relate to one another. When we disregard this power, we limit our potential for growth and connection.

In every interaction we have, there’s an opportunity to tap into our creative potential. We can choose to see things from a different perspective, to approach conversations with curiosity and openness, to find innovative solutions that foster mutual understanding and respect.

6) Chasing after constant positivity

It might seem odd, but one habit that often hinders authentic connections is the pursuit of constant positivity. In our culture, we’re frequently told to stay positive, to look on the bright side, to keep our chin up.

While optimism is certainly beneficial, this relentless pursuit of positivity can sometimes turn into denial of our genuine feelings.

Emotional authenticity – the ability to acknowledge and express our true feelings, even when they’re not positive – is crucial for building deep and meaningful connections. When we allow ourselves to feel and express a range of emotions, we invite others to do the same.

This isn’t about wallowing in negativity or burdening others with our problems. It’s about acknowledging that life is a mix of highs and lows, joys and sorrows. It’s about understanding that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, and that expressing our authentic feelings doesn’t make us weak – it makes us human.

7) Avoiding vulnerability

phrases that make you more persuasive and influential If you want to make people like you without trying too hard, say goodbye to these 9 habits

Another behavior that often stands in the way of forming genuine connections is avoiding vulnerability. Let’s face it – being vulnerable can be scary stuff. It means baring our souls, risking rejection, and facing judgment. But here’s the kicker: vulnerability is also the secret sauce for forging deep, meaningful bonds.

When we let ourselves be vulnerable, we invite others into our inner circle. We create a space where they feel safe to open up too. This mutual sharing and understanding can turbocharge our relationships and take them to the next level.

Now, it’s not about oversharing or unloading our baggage onto others. It’s about letting our true selves shine through – fears, doubts, dreams, and all. It’s about showing up authentically, no masks, no pretense.

8) Constantly seeking approval

Constantly seeking approval from others can seriously put the brakes on our ability to form genuine connections. It’s totally normal to crave acceptance and validation, but when that need takes over, it can nudge us into pretending to be someone we’re not.

Always chasing approval might lead us to hide our true selves, morphing into what we think others want us to be. Not only does this push us further from our authentic selves, but it also throws up barriers to building real connections.

Instead, turn the spotlight inward. Give yourself a high-five for your wins, recognize your value, and embrace what makes you uniquely you. Remember, the only thumbs-up that truly matters? Your own.

9) Dismissing the importance of self-care

One habit that often slips through the cracks is downplaying the importance of self-care. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we tend to shove self-care to the bottom of our to-do lists. But here’s the deal: self-care isn’t just about treating ourselves to a spa day; it’s about recognizing our need for rest, rejuvenation, and self-compassion.

When we skimp on self-care, we drain our energy tanks, which can put a serious damper on our interactions with others. We might find ourselves feeling cranky, impatient, or lacking in empathy – all of which can throw a wrench in our ability to connect authentically.

Here’s the kicker: Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish; it’s downright necessary. By prioritizing our well-being, we can show up as the best versions of ourselves in our interactions with others.

The power of authenticity

The art of forming genuine connections links back fundamentally to our own authenticity. It’s about the courage to show up as we truly are, to share our stories and listen deeply to those of others.

Each habit we’ve discussed here – from letting go of the need to always be right, to embracing vulnerability and prioritizing self-care – is rooted in this core principle of authenticity. It’s about making choices that align with our true selves, rather than trying to fit into societal norms or expectations.

When we embrace our authenticity, we not only create space for real connections; we also empower ourselves and inspire others to do the same. And this, perhaps, is the most authentic way to make people like you without trying too hard.

As you navigate your own journey towards authentic connections, I invite you to join me on my YouTube channel where we delve deeper into these topics and more. Join over 20,000 others who are exploring the path towards living a life with greater purpose and freedom. You can subscribe here.

So as you move forward, ask yourself: How can I bring more authenticity into my relationships? What habits might I need to let go of in order to show up more fully as myself? Remember, each step you take towards authenticity is a step towards deeper, more meaningful connections.

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Justin Brown

I'm Justin Brown, the founder of Ideapod. I've overseen the evolution of Ideapod from a social network for ideas into a publishing and education platform with millions of monthly readers and multiple products helping people to think critically, see issues clearly and engage with the world responsibly.

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