Being alone doesn’t have to mean you feel lonely, but certain behaviors make loneliness more likely.
Many of us engage in some of these behaviors without even realizing it, sabotaging our moments alone and making them uncomfortable places of restriction and suffering.
Here are some of the top behaviors that make being alone uncomfortable and undesirable. Eliminate these habits and your time alone will become much more empowering and enjoyable.
1) Avoiding time alone
The first key to not being lonely when you’re alone is to not fear being alone.
Being alone can be an empowering and refreshing experience.
Being alone can be a time when you clarify what you really want in a relationship, in a job or in your spiritual path.
Don’t avoid alone time: embrace it. This doesn’t have to be a time of lack or loneliness, since time alone is valuable time you spend with yourself.
Learn to enjoy your own company through hobbies, meditation, or simply being present in the moment.
2) Phone addiction
Smartphones are a wonder of modern technology.
But they’re also incredibly addictive. Many of us spend hours on them even when there’s no real reason to do so, using our smartphone as a kind of distraction device.
This ultimately creates a greater feeling of agitation and isolation.
Reduce excessive phone use and social media scrolling.
Embrace the present moment instead. It’s much more enjoyable.
3) Outsourcing self-esteem
Social media is one place where it’s quite common to search for validation, as are the opinions of friends and colleagues.
When we’re alone but we’re thinking the whole time about what somebody said, it can be disempowering and upsetting.
Instead, time alone is best spent building ourselves up instead of looking for proof that we’re worthy and valuable.
Learn to validate and appreciate yourself without relying on others’ opinions.
This also ties into the next point…
4) Looking for happiness in others
When you’re alone and don’t want to be alone, it creates a lot of misery.
But when you accept and validate being alone and consciously choose to embrace it, it can become an empowering, centering experience.
Nobody else can make us happy. Realizing that can, ironically, be a source of great happiness and self-sufficiency, and the bedrock for empowering relationships with others.
Find joy within yourself instead of depending on others to make you happy.
Speaking of finding joy within…
5) The comparison game
It’s easy to start thinking about other people and their lives when we are alone:
How did their life become so lively and full of social or romantic opportunities when our life is boring and empty?
Being alone, even when it’s not what you want, doesn’t have to be disempowering.
It can be your foundation to plan the future and have a comeback for what’s next that will be less solitary.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own journey and achievements rather than comparing yourself to others.
6) Dwelling on past regrets
Dwelling on past regrets is something that almost all of us do at times.
But it can become especially grating during moments of solitude and alone time.
Instead of thinking of what you did wrong in the past, think of the present moment and how strong you are to have survived up until now.
Let go of guilt and regrets. Understand that mistakes and disappointments are opportunities for growth.
This relates to the next point as well…
7) Falling for FOMO
There’s a certain amount of life experiences and milestones that you might not experience.
There are other events and enjoyable activities that you may get to experience which others don’t.
There’s no way to have it all, and fearing missing out is only going to make you feel worse.
Don’t fall for the fear of missing out (FOMO).
Accept that it’s okay to miss out on certain events and activities. Prioritize your own well-being.
8) Engaging in addictive behaviors
Many of us have unresolved trauma and pain that we don’t want to face.
When we’re alone, the demons come out: then we run away.
It may be in the form of a bottle or a toke, a pill or a porn video. But addictive behaviors are just a form of escapism that don’t address the deeper issue underneath.
Being alone can be a bit uncomfortable, but it’s a discomfort that you can get to know and get stronger by spending time with, instead of running from it by engaging in addictive behaviors.
Take time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and goals. It helps in personal growth.
9) Ignoring self-care
When you’re alone, it’s the perfect time to look after yourself.
Take a day at the spa or go for a massage.
Rest your eyes or bring a thermos of tea to the park and enjoy a peaceful cup while watching nature all around you.
Prioritize self-care activities, whether it’s reading, taking walks, or enjoying a relaxing bath.
Being alone doesn’t need to be a lonely experience at all: it can be a pampering, caring activity.
10) Believing negative thoughts and narratives
Many of us have a negative inner voice that starts monologing when we’re alone.
“You’ll never be anything.”
“Nobody would really care if you disappeared.”
“Nothing’s changing.”
This inner critic and doomsday prophet doesn’t have to be the DJ to your life. It’s not telling the truth. Think of it as an annoying parrot that will shut up once you stop believing what it says and create a winning narrative of your own.
Challenge negative thoughts and focus on positive aspects of your life.
This relates directly to the next point as well:
11) Being too hard on yourself
Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness.
This starts with the fact that being alone is not shameful or wrong in any way. Being alone is a powerful position:
Your time alone, even if it isn’t your first choice, is a lab for you to develop your unique and powerful individuality.
This is your time to be truly you and break free from the confines of social conditioning or being who you “should” be.
You can engage in introspection, reflection and meditation, clarifying who you truly want to be and getting in touch with an authentic and powerful self.
12) Over-planning and busywork
Embrace spontaneity and allow room for unexpected joys in your life.
Planning your time alone too minutely can lead to even time off and time alone feeling like a chore or a job.
By all means engage in active endeavors on time off and time alone. Catch up on work and call friends, work on projects and go on adventures.
But don’t be afraid to relax, too. Don’t hesitate to just soak it all in and sit in the sun with a glass of lemonade for an hour with your favorite author’s new book.
By addressing these behaviors, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship with yourself, enabling you to enjoy solitude without feeling lonely.
