If you want to become a truly confident person, say goodbye to these 5 weak behaviors

I was in my twenties, had just graduated from college, and recall preparing for my first job interview. As I found my seat in the waiting room and had a quick glimpse at the other candidates, I started comparing myself to them.

What if I wasn’t prepared enough, or maybe I overdressed for the interview? All these self-critical thoughts raced through my head, and I became filled with self-doubt.

I don’t think that many of us realize just how much a lack of confidence affects our lives. When we don’t have confidence, it leaves us feeling inferior and unable to believe in ourselves.

This way of thinking shapes our behaviors, and sometimes, we’re completely unaware that what we’re thinking and feeling is showing on the outside.

If I’m talking to you, the good news is that you can improve the way you see yourself by changing your behavior. It starts by identifying those unhelpful habits that are stopping you from reaching your potential and then replacing them with an encouraging and validating mindset. 

So, if you want to become a truly confident person, say goodbye to these 5 weak behaviors…

1) Giving up easily. 

You wouldn’t associate a quitter’s attitude with confidence; it’s never going to happen. And if you’re guilty of throwing in the towel when things get hard, you need to rethink your behavior.

When you’re low on confidence, you develop the nasty habit of telling yourself that you aren’t good enough. 

If you don’t know your worth and you’re filled with self-doubt, you believe that you won’t be successful. We all fear failure because, let’s face it, it’s not exactly pleasant to make a mistake or fail at something you put time and effort into. 

But it’s this very fear that leads to your tendency to give up. 

When it comes to challenges, you don’t even try and forget about pursuing a new opportunity because what if you fail? 

Successful and confident people don’t give up, even if they fail many times. They get rejected and criticized, but their perseverance and belief in themselves also open many doors and teach them valuable life lessons along the way. 

If you’re guilty of giving up because you don’t want to fail, you’re probably missing out on more incredible rewards and accomplishments than failures. It’s time to say goodbye to giving up and hello to persistence, perseverance, and living a life of no regrets. 

2) Making excuses. 

One thing that I want you to know is that making excuses in your life will simply lead to frustration and regret. 

I get that low self-esteem makes it hard to find the motivation to take on challenges and do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do, but it also holds you back. 

There were many moments in my life that I look back on and think, “Why didn’t I just take a chance?” 

Perhaps you’re guilty of procrastination, and you’re always putting things on hold or moving the goalposts, making it harder to accomplish something.

“I’ll start that diet next week,” or “I’m not smart enough to apply for that job.” These are only two examples of excuses that you might use when you’re just too scared to put yourself to the test. 

Blaming other people is another weak behavior associated with a lack of confidence. 

It’s hard to hear criticism, but when you don’t feel good about yourself, any type of criticism can be shattering.

Whether you’re being criticized for the way you do your job or your role as a spouse, the first thing that you tend to do is blame someone else because it’s easier to look outward than within. 

But if you keep making excuses when there could be validity in the feedback you’re receiving, you won’t learn anything, and you won’t be equipped to improve yourself.

If you want to be truly confident, stop making excuses. Start small by challenging yourself to do things that aren’t overwhelming but take you out of your comfort zone so you can build resilience. 

As an example, you want to become a graphic designer, but you keep delaying taking the course. Why not organize your schedule so that you can complete the course and move forward?  

You can apply this to different areas of your life where excuses are obstructing your path to achieving your goals and dreams.

pic1866 If you want to become a truly confident person, say goodbye to these 5 weak behaviors

3) Being afraid to ask questions. 

I’ve been there and done that, and it’s an uncomfortable place to be.

Whether in the company of family and friends or at work, a lack of confidence can make us hesitant to ask questions or reach out for help for fear of looking silly.

At work, being too scared to ask for information can be detrimental to your career. 

Let’s say that you’re working on your objectives for a new project, and you get stuck on a subject. You wrestle with the idea of asking a colleague for help, but what if they think that you can’t do your job?

Instead, you continue to struggle without assistance. 

Confident people have no qualms about figuring things out by asking questions because their motive is to improve their knowledge and skills.

Whether in a class or while in a professional meeting, they don’t think twice about how they’ll be perceived for wanting to learn more. 

Without confidence, you get caught up in the fear that you’ll seem incompetent if you ask the wrong question or that you’ll be rejected if the question doesn’t seem important. 

The only way to overcome this fear is to tackle it head-on. 

Challenge yourself to ask a single question when the opportunity presents itself. You’ll see that it’s not that scary and that other people might have the same question on their minds too. 

4) Constantly seeking approval. 

We all want to be validated; there’s no question about that.

I remember watching Oprah’s finale show, where she spoke about validation. “Do you see me? Do you hear me?” This was a big moment because what she said resonated with me. 

I realized that there was a stage in my life where I wanted validation, but instead, I was constantly looking for approval from others to feel good about myself. 

Maybe you can relate to the way I felt. 

I was indecisive, and I’d avoid trying new things because I feared what others would think of me. On top of my fears, I’d be crushed if I found out that someone didn’t like me. 

The big question is, why do we need someone else to approve of us? 

By seeking approval, you’re asking people to tell you that what you did was right or that they accept you as you are. In other words, you’re allowing them to control you. In a sense, you become a people-pleaser

That’s because you tie your emotions, such as your happiness, into their opinion of you. If they’re dismissive or point out a flaw, your entire sense of self is broken, and you’re left picking up the pieces. 

When you have low self-esteem and poor confidence, the approval that you receive from other people makes you feel validated. It becomes a vicious emotional cycle, and you always end up feeling hurt or upset. 

The first step to eliminating this behavior is acknowledging that your self-worth is not dependent on anyone else but you. 

Positive affirmations and working on trusting your instincts can go a long way toward building true confidence. 

5) Being critical of yourself. 

Today has been a bad day. No matter how many times you’ve tried to shush that harsh voice inside your head, it won’t go away. And by the “voice inside your head,” I mean your self-criticism.

Being highly critical of yourself to the point where you’re downright mean devastates your self-esteem and confidence.

You can play negativity on repeat, but the more you tell yourself that you’re not smart enough, not tall enough, or not good enough, the more you believe it.

We’ve all had moments where we’ve done something and thought, “What was I thinking?” but we learn and move on. 

When you’re constantly criticizing yourself, you’re stuck in a loop of negative thoughts.

“How could I be so foolish?” “I can’t do anything right” and “Nobody cares about me.” These are only a handful of phrases that you tell yourself when you don’t feel good. 

The problem with this type of personal feedback is that it’s unhelpful. 

It’s demeaning, hurtful, and emotionally crippling, and it does absolutely nothing for your confidence.

Final thoughts

Confidence is something that we all strive for, but things happen in life that negatively affect our ability to believe in ourselves.

For some of us, we have to work long and hard to improve our sense of self, and for others, we develop weak behaviors that reinforce our lack of self-esteem. 

But for you to become a truly confident person, the first step is to identify these weak behaviors that are holding you back. Are you too critical of yourself, and do you always seek approval from others

Be honest with yourself, because it’s the only way to take your power back by believing that you can do whatever you put your mind to. 

Marcel Deer

Marcel Deer

Marcel is a journalist, gamer, and entrepreneur. When not obsessing over his man cave or the latest tech, he’s failing helplessly at training his obnoxious rescue dog ‘Boogies’.

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