If you want to be genuinely appreciated in life, say goodbye to these 9 people-pleasing habits

Everyone craves appreciation, but there’s a fine line between being nice and being a people-pleaser.

People-pleasing may seem like a good strategy to earn affection and approval, but it can leave you feeling exhausted and unappreciated.

To be genuinely valued, you need to break free from these habits. You need to stop bending over backwards for others and start doing things for your own happiness.

Here are 9 people-pleasing habits you need to say goodbye to if you want to be truly appreciated.

So, ready to take the first step towards self-love? Let’s dive in.

1) Always saying “yes”

One of the most common habits of a people-pleaser is an inability to say “no”.

You might think that always saying “yes” will make you more likable, but it can often lead to burnout and resentment. Additionally, people may start to take advantage of your kindness.

Remember, it’s okay to turn down requests or commitments that you don’t have the time or energy for. Prioritizing your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being.

Respect your boundaries and teach others to do the same. Start practicing saying “no” and you’ll soon find that people will appreciate you for your honesty and integrity, not just for your compliance.

2) Apologizing unnecessarily

I recall a time when I used to apologize for everything. Even when situations were clearly not my fault, I’d find myself saying “sorry” just to keep the peace.

Constantly saying “sorry” can send the message that you’re in the wrong even when you’re not. It can also undermine your confidence and make you seem less assertive.

One day, I decided to replace unnecessary apologies with expressions of gratitude. Instead of saying “sorry for being late,” I’d say “thank you for your patience.” This simple shift made me feel more positive and assertive, and people started to appreciate my sincerity and accountability.

Your worth is not determined by how many times you apologize. Break the habit of unnecessary apologies and replace it with gratitude. It’s a small change that can have a big impact on how you’re perceived and appreciated by others.

3) Seeking constant validation

Did you know that people-pleasers often struggle with low self-esteem? They constantly seek validation from others to feel good about themselves. This habit can be emotionally draining and lead to a cycle of disappointment and frustration.

True validation comes from within. It’s about recognizing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin, without needing others to affirm your worth.

When you start validating yourself, you’ll notice a shift in how people treat you. They’ll respect your confidence and self-assuredness, and appreciate you for who you truly are, not for how much you can cater to their needs.

4) Suppressing your true feelings

People-pleasers often suppress their feelings to avoid conflict or discomfort. They nod along, even when they disagree, just to keep everyone happy.

But here’s the thing: people appreciate authenticity. They value honesty and directness. They want to know your true thoughts and feelings, not just what you think they want to hear.

It’s okay to express disagreement or dissatisfaction. It’s okay to share your opinion, even if it’s unpopular. As long as you’re respectful and considerate, people will appreciate your honesty and courage.

Your feelings are valid and deserving of expression. Don’t suppress them for the sake of pleasing others.

5) Neglecting your own needs

In the pursuit of making others happy, people-pleasers often neglect their own needs. They put everyone else’s happiness above their own, often at the expense of their health and well-being.

The irony is, you can’t truly make others happy if you’re unhappy yourself. It’s like trying to fill others’ cups when your own cup is empty.

Prioritize self-care and make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to care for others. And people will appreciate you not just for your kindness towards them, but also for your self-respect and self-love.

6) Being overly accommodating

It’s a beautiful thing to be considerate of others, but there’s a limit to how far you should go. If you’re always the one adjusting your plans, sacrificing your preferences, or going out of your way for others, it can start to feel like you’re losing yourself.

There’s a heartrending kind of sadness that creeps in when you constantly suppress your desires for the sake of others. It’s like you’re telling yourself that your needs and wants don’t matter as much.

But they do. Your desires are just as important as anyone else’s.

It’s high time we understand that being genuinely appreciated isn’t about accommodating everyone else at our own expense. It’s about balance, about mutual respect and compromise.

Stand up for yourself, express your needs and know that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. When you value yourself, others will too.

7) Trying to fix everyone’s problems

I used to think it was my responsibility to solve everyone’s problems. When a friend was upset, I’d jump into action, trying to find a solution or offer advice. But over time, I realized that not every problem needed my immediate intervention.

Sometimes, people just need someone to listen, not to fix things for them. By always rushing in with solutions, I was unknowingly belittling their ability to handle their own issues.

It’s crucial to understand that you’re not responsible for everyone’s happiness. It’s not your job to fix all problems or take away all pains.

Offer support and empathy, but also allow others the space to figure things out on their own. Trust me, they’ll appreciate you for it.

8) Avoiding confrontation

Confrontation is often seen as something negative, and many people-pleasers will go to great lengths to avoid it. However, avoiding confrontation can lead to unresolved issues and create a breeding ground for resentment.

It’s important to understand that confrontation can be healthy. It allows for open communication and problem solving. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it’s often necessary for growth and understanding.

Don’t shy away from difficult conversations. Approach them with respect, honesty, and a willingness to understand the other person’s perspective. You’ll find that people appreciate your courage to address issues head-on, leading to stronger and more genuine relationships.

9) Losing your individuality

The most destructive habit of a people-pleaser is losing their individuality. In the quest to fit in and be liked, they often suppress their true selves.

But guess what? People appreciate authenticity. They value uniqueness. They are drawn to individuals who embrace their quirks, passions, and personality.

Never compromise your individuality for the sake of pleasing others. Be true to yourself, because that’s when you’ll attract the right people – those who will appreciate you for who you truly are, not for who they want you to be.

Final thoughts: Embrace your authenticity

At the heart of our journey to be genuinely appreciated, there’s one constant truth – our authenticity is our most valuable asset.

When we try to fit into molds created by others, we may temporarily please them, but it’s often at the cost of our own happiness and self-worth.

Remember, people-pleasing isn’t about being a good person; it’s about seeking approval. And this need for validation can be a slippery slope into losing sight of who we truly are.

Your individuality is not a liability; it’s your signature. It’s what sets you apart in a world where conformity is often the easier path.

Embrace your uniqueness. Stand firm in your values. Express your feelings openly. Be comfortable with saying ‘no.’ Above all, appreciate yourself for who you are.

When you honor your authenticity, you will not only find that you draw respect and appreciation from others, but you also cultivate a deeper appreciation for yourself.

It’s a journey, not a destination. But every step you take towards freeing yourself from people-pleasing habits brings you closer to living an authentic life that’s rich with genuine appreciation.

Here’s to embracing our true selves and to a life that truly appreciates us back.

Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair is a former competitive athlete who transitioned into the world of wellness and mindfulness. Her journey through the highs and lows of competitive sports has given her a unique perspective on resilience and mental toughness. Ava’s writing reflects her belief in the power of small, daily habits to create lasting change.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.