If you want to be a more confident person, stop telling yourself these 7 things


It’s that elusive spark that some people seem to exude effortlessly.

Ever wonder why they’re brimming with self-assurance while you’re stuck in a loop of self-doubt?

Here’s a little secret: Confidence isn’t just about what we do; it’s also about what we say to ourselves.

I’ve been there, standing in front of the mirror, feeding my mind a diet of self-criticism and doubt. But then I had an epiphany. I was my own worst enemy, sabotaging my confidence with a series of negative mantras.

So, if you’re on a quest to become a more confident person, let’s start by tackling the internal monologue that’s holding you back. Here are seven things you need to stop telling yourself—because believe me, they’re not doing you any favors.

Ready to turn the page on your self-doubt? Let’s dive in.

1) “I’m not good enough”

This one’s a classic, isn’t it?

You flub a presentation at work or forget someone’s name, and suddenly that little voice in your head is on repeat: “I’m not good enough.”

But here’s the thing—every single one of us has moments of doubt. It’s part of being human.

However, when you constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You start to believe it, and then act accordingly.

But guess what?

You are good enough.

More than good enough, actually.

So the next time you catch yourself slipping into that broken record of negativity, press pause. Remind yourself of your successes, your unique talents, and your worth.

Confidence is about recognizing your value just as you are. And yes, there’s always room for growth, but that doesn’t mean you’re not already capable and deserving right now.

Let’s leave this phrase in the dust, shall we?

Overcoming the notion that you’re not good enough paves the way to confront the next pervasive myth: comparing yourself unfavorably to others.

Just as recognizing your own value is crucial, learning to focus on your unique path instead of others’ highlights is a significant step towards genuine self-assurance…

2) “Everyone else is better than me”

I’ll admit it; I’ve fallen into the comparison trap more times than I can count.

Scrolling through social media, it’s easy to think everyone has their life perfectly together.

There was this one time when I saw a friend’s post about their latest promotion, and I thought, “They’re just better than me.”

But here’s a little wake-up call I gave myself: Social media is a highlight reel, not the full story.

Comparing ourselves to others is like running a race with no finish line. It’s exhausting and gets us nowhere.

The truth is, there’s always going to be someone who seems smarter, more successful, or more whatever-you-feel-you’re-lacking. But that doesn’t diminish your achievements or your journey.

When these thoughts creep up on me now, I take a step back and focus on my path. My goals. My progress.

Remembering that my journey is mine alone helps to silence that unhelpful chorus of comparisons. It’s not about being better than anyone else; it’s about being the best version of yourself.

After addressing the trap of comparison, it’s natural to tackle the fear of inadequacy head-on. The leap from comparing ourselves to others to doubting our own capabilities is short, but acknowledging our individual strengths and resilience reveals the fallacy in thinking we can’t handle challenges that come our way…

3) “I can’t handle this”

There was a time when the mere thought of public speaking would send me spiraling into a sea of “I can’t do this.”

My heart would race, my palms would sweat, and I’d convince myself that I simply couldn’t handle it.

But then came the day I had no choice—I was asked to lead a workshop, and backing out wasn’t an option.

I remember standing there, about to address the room, my mind screaming that I couldn’t handle it. But guess what? I did.

It wasn’t flawless, and yes, my voice shook at first, but as I pushed through, something shifted inside me. With every new sentence, I found strength I didn’t know I had.

That experience taught me an invaluable lesson: telling yourself “I can’t handle this” is a surefire way to undermine your confidence.

When you challenge that notion, stepping out of your comfort zone, you discover resilience and abilities that were always there, waiting to be acknowledged.

Now when faced with daunting tasks, I replace “I can’t” with “I’ll give it my best shot.” It’s amazing how that simple switch in language changes your mindset and boosts your confidence.

So next time you’re staring down a challenge, remember: You’ve handled tough stuff before, and you’ll handle it again.

By proving to ourselves that we can indeed handle what life throws at us, we lay the groundwork for believing in our potential for success, regardless of how we define it…

4) “I’ll never be successful”

pic2265 If you want to be a more confident person, stop telling yourself these 7 things

This one hit me hard when I was trying to get a small business off the ground.

It seemed like no matter how much effort I put in, success was a club where I just couldn’t seem to get a membership. “I’ll never be successful,” became my unwanted mantra after each setback.

But here’s the twist: defining success is deeply personal.

For some, it’s about wealth or status; for others, it’s about impact or happiness.

When I realized that I was measuring success by someone else’s yardstick, it was liberating.

I started to redefine what success meant to me—not to the world, not to my peers, but to me.

I began celebrating the small victories, like a positive customer review or an improvement in my skills.

And with each little celebration, that negative voice lost its power.

Success isn’t a destination; it’s a journey with peaks and valleys. By acknowledging your own achievements and setting personal benchmarks, you’ll see that you’re more successful than you give yourself credit for.

So, scrap the “never” in “I’ll never be successful.” Focus on your own definition of success and watch as the milestones you once thought impossible start to unfold before you.

Once you start to see success as an achievable outcome, the next barrier often comes in the form of self-imposed age limits…

5) “I’m too old to start”

I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, guitar in hand, thinking, “I’m too old to learn this.”

Somehow, the idea that there’s an expiration date on learning new skills had taken root in my mind. Yet, when I finally challenged that thought, I discovered an entirely new realm of possibilities.

Consider the story of Grandma Moses, who began her painting career in her late 70s. She went on to become one of America’s most famous folk artists. If she had told herself she was too old, the world might have been deprived of her incredible talent.

Age really is just a number when it comes to learning and pursuing passions.

Whether it’s picking up an instrument, starting a business, or learning a language, there’s no deadline for enrichment.

Every time you tell yourself you’re too old, you’re putting unnecessary limits on your life’s potential.

I’ve since learned that the joy is in the journey of discovery, not how promptly you arrive.

So go ahead and start that project or hobby you’ve been putting off because of your age. Your future self will thank you for not letting a number define your ambitions.

Breaking free from the mindset that it’s too late to pursue our dreams naturally leads to questioning other deep-seated beliefs, such as the notion that we don’t deserve happiness…

6) “I don’t deserve happiness”

There was a period when life seemed to be a series of misfortunes, one after another. It was in those shadows that a thought crept in and made a home: “I don’t deserve happiness.”

This belief became a lens through which I viewed every aspect of my life, tainting moments that should have been joyful.

One quiet evening, while watching the sunset, I realized that this belief had stolen more from me than I had lost from those misfortunes.

Happiness isn’t a reward; it’s a fundamental part of the human experience. It’s as much my right as it is anyone else’s.

By holding onto the idea that I didn’t deserve happiness, I was denying myself the very thing that is essential to resilience and growth.

Slowly, I began to allow myself small pleasures without guilt—savoring a cup of coffee, enjoying the laughter of friends, relishing the peaceful moments alone.

As these fragments of joy wove themselves into the fabric of my daily life, the heavy cloak of undeserving began to lift.

Happiness isn’t something you earn; it’s something you choose. And I choose it every day now, knowing that it’s an innate part of being alive, not something reserved for the “deserving.”

Once we start to believe in our deservingness of happiness, it becomes easier to challenge the fatalistic view that nothing will ever change. Understanding that we are worthy of happiness helps foster a belief in our power to effect change, both in our lives and in our mindset…

7) “Nothing will ever change”

Staring at the ceiling in the dead of night, the thought echoed in my mind: “Nothing will ever change.”

It felt like I was stuck in a loop, with no control over the direction of my life.

But when daylight broke, so did my perspective.

Change is one of the universe’s fundamental principles—it’s constant, inevitable, and within it lies hope.

Embracing the idea that everything can and will change is empowering. It’s the seed from which confidence grows.

Once I accepted that change was not only possible but also within my grasp, I began to see opportunities where there were once obstacles.

Understanding that change is a part of life can be the catalyst for taking action and making intentional choices. The power to alter our path, to grow and evolve, rests with us.

Recognizing this has been pivotal in my journey towards confidence.

So when that whisper of doubt creeps in at night, telling you that nothing will ever change, remember that with every sunrise comes new potential.

Change is not just something that happens to us; it’s something we can actively shape with our thoughts and actions. And that’s the most liberating realization of all.

The bottom line

Recognizing these self-limiting statements is the first step toward building a more confident you. It’s about flipping the script in your head, one line at a time.

But here’s a slice of cheer—it’s completely within your power to change that internal dialogue. Awareness is your ally.

Each time you catch yourself in a spiral of self-doubt, pause. Question the validity of those thoughts. Are they rooted in fact or just fear? More often than not, it’s the latter.

Start small. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations that resonate with your true aspirations and potential. This isn’t just motivational speak; neuroscience suggests that positive self-talk can rewire our brains to think differently.

The journey to confidence is uniquely yours, paved with patience and persistent effort. Celebrate every victory, no matter how trivial it may seem. Each one is a brick in the foundation of your newfound self-assurance.

And as you venture forward, remember that confidence isn’t about never falling—it’s about trusting that you’ll rise each time you do. So go ahead, embrace change, challenge old patterns, and step into the world as the author of your own story.

With each step, you’re not just moving toward confidence; you’re already living it.

Picture of Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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