If you want real, undeniable love, say goodbye to these 10 habits

There’s a fine line between holding on and letting go, especially when it comes to habits that hinder our ability to find and maintain real love.

In the quest for undeniable love, there are certain habits we need to bid farewell. These habits not only block us from attracting the right partner, but can also cause damage to existing relationships.

It’s time to take a good look at ourselves and identify those behaviors that are standing in the way of real, undeniable love.

Ready to make a change?

Here are 10 habits to say goodbye to if you want to experience true, lasting love.

1) Playing the blame game

We’ve all been there, pointing fingers at someone else when things don’t go as planned. It’s much easier to pass the buck than to accept that we might have been at fault.

In the realm of love and relationships, the blame game is a habit that needs to be packed up and thrown out. It creates a toxic environment where no one feels heard or valued.

Real, undeniable love thrives on respect, understanding, and acceptance. So instead of blaming your partner for what goes wrong, try to understand their perspective and work together to find a solution.

Saying goodbye to the blame game doesn’t mean you let people walk over you. It means taking responsibility for your actions and encouraging your partner to do the same.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong; it’s about understanding each other better and growing together as a team.

2) Holding onto past grudges

I’ve learned a hard lesson in love – holding onto past grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt. It just doesn’t work that way.

I remember holding onto a grudge against an ex-partner for something they did. It was like a heavy weight on my chest, affecting my mood, my decisions, and even my new relationships.

One day, I decided to let it go. Not because they asked for forgiveness or even because they deserved it. I did it for me. And the moment I forgave and let go of that grudge, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

In the pursuit of real, undeniable love, it’s important to forgive and let go of past grudges. They only hold you back and prevent you from fully experiencing the love that’s right in front of you.

Take it from me, letting go of old grudges is one of the best things you can do for your love life. And remember, forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

3) Constantly checking your phone

Did you know that the average person checks their phone 96 times a day? That’s once every 10 minutes!

In the world of love, being present and attentive is crucial. Your partner wants to feel valued and important, and nothing screams “You’re not my priority” more than constantly checking your phone when you’re together.

Saying goodbye to this habit doesn’t mean you have to totally disconnect from the digital world. It just means setting boundaries and making sure that when you’re with your loved ones, you’re really with them.

When you’re on a date or enjoying a quiet evening with your partner, put your phone away. Give them your full attention. You’d be surprised at the difference it can make in your relationship.

4) Avoiding difficult conversations

Nobody enjoys uncomfortable conversations. They’re awkward, stressful, and can sometimes lead to conflict. But avoiding these difficult discussions can be detrimental to your love life.

When you constantly sidestep tough topics, you are essentially building a wall between you and your partner. And over time, this wall can become so high that it separates you completely.

To experience real, undeniable love, it’s crucial to embrace open and honest communication. It may be uncomfortable at first, but discussing difficult topics can actually bring you closer together.

It’s not about winning an argument or proving a point. It’s about understanding each other better and working towards a solution that satisfies both parties.

So don’t shy away from those tough conversations – they could be the key to a stronger, more loving relationship.

5) Keeping score

In love, keeping score is a dangerous game to play. When you start tallying who did what for whom and when, you’re setting your relationship up for failure.

Real love isn’t about counting favors or holding past actions over your partner’s head. It’s about giving freely and generously, without expecting anything in return.

When you let go of the need to keep score, you create a more balanced and loving relationship. You’re no longer focused on who owes who, but rather on how you can support and care for each other.

Love is not a competition. It’s a partnership. So ditch the scoreboard and focus on building a strong, loving bond with your partner.

6) Not practicing self-love

Before we can truly love another, we must first learn to love ourselves. This may sound cliché, but it’s an absolute truth.

When we fail to practice self-love, we often seek validation and approval from others to fill that void. This can lead to an unhealthy and codependent relationship.

But when you love and value yourself, you’re able to enter a relationship as a complete individual. You’re not looking for someone to complete you, but rather someone to complement you.

Saying goodbye to this habit of neglecting self-love may be a journey, but it’s one worth taking. When you learn to love yourself, you open the door to experiencing real, undeniable love with another.

Be kind to yourself, embrace your imperfections, and remember that you are enough just as you are. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. Make sure it’s a loving one.

7) Fear of being alone

For a long time, I stayed in relationships that were less than fulfilling because I was afraid of being alone. It felt safer to be with someone, anyone, than to face the uncertainty of solitude.

But this fear can push us into the wrong relationships and keep us from experiencing real, undeniable love. It can make us settle for less than we deserve.

It took me a while to realize that being alone is not the same as being lonely. In fact, it can be an opportunity to get to know yourself better, to grow, and to discover what you truly want in a partner.

If you’re holding onto a relationship out of fear of being alone, it might be time to let go. Say goodbye to this habit and embrace the possibility that something better is waiting for you. Remember, it’s better to be alone than in bad company.

8) Being overly critical

We all have our flaws and imperfections, and it’s easy to focus on these when we’re in a relationship. But being overly critical of your partner can create tension and resentment.

Real, undeniable love is about accepting each other for who we are, flaws and all. It’s about seeing beyond the imperfections and recognizing the beauty within.

If you find yourself constantly criticizing your partner, it might be time to take a step back and reflect on why. Are there deeper issues at play? Are you projecting your own insecurities onto them?

Saying goodbye to this habit of being overly critical can pave the way for a healthier, more loving relationship. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, try to acknowledge what’s right. Celebrate each other’s strengths and support each other in areas of weakness.

No one is perfect. We’re all works in progress, and that’s perfectly okay.

9) Not setting boundaries

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. They help us understand where we end and where our partner begins. They protect our emotional and physical well-being and ensure that we are respected and valued.

Without boundaries, relationships can become unhealthy and one-sided. We may end up feeling used, violated, or unappreciated.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or controlling. It’s about communicating your needs clearly and standing up for yourself.

If you want real, undeniable love, say goodbye to the habit of not setting boundaries. It’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your relationship.

10) Neglecting your own needs and desires

In the pursuit of love, it’s easy to get so caught up in pleasing your partner that you forget about your own needs and desires. This can lead to a loss of self and a feeling of dissatisfaction in the relationship.

A balanced relationship is one where both partners’ needs are equally important. Don’t fall into the trap of always putting your partner’s needs above your own. It’s essential to acknowledge and communicate what you want and need in a relationship.

Neglecting your own desires not only leads to personal unhappiness but can also create resentment and imbalance in the relationship.

True love should empower you to fulfill your own needs while also caring for your partner’s.

Final thoughts: It’s an inside job

The quest for real, undeniable love often starts and ends with us.

The habits we’ve discussed – from holding on to past grudges to not setting boundaries – are all behaviors that we control. They shape our relationships, our experiences, and our perceptions of love.

Bidding farewell to these habits is a journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s about looking inward, acknowledging our flaws, and making the conscious decision to change.

When we let go of these habits, we don’t just make room for real, undeniable love in our lives. We also make room for self-love, self-respect, and self-growth.

The quality of our relationships is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. So if you want to experience true love, start by loving yourself and shedding the habits that no longer serve you.

It’s an inside job. And the exciting part? You have the power to make it happen.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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