Have you ever wondered if you or your loved ones have low self-esteem? Listen to the words that they say often and that might give you a clue.
Think about how you respond in different situations, do you say any of these different phrases on the regular? I know I tend to if I’m worried about being wrong.
Read on to learn some of these different phrases and what you can say instead to increase your confidence.
1) “I think it’s better if you do it”
Have you ever said this to anyone before? Because you’d rather they did it, in case you mess it up?
When this phrase is consistently used in situations where you might be capable but lack confidence in your abilities, it shows low self-esteem. It may also show that you underestimate yourself.
Therefore you give tasks to others because you don’t believe you can do a good job.
So how can we change this mindset and become more confident in our abilities?
Challenge self-deprecating thoughts by recognizing and questioning them; instead of immediately assuming you can’t do something, focus on the things you can handle and build up from there.
Celebrate your achievements, even the small ones, as reminders of what you can do, and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to navigate challenges with kindness and understanding.
2) “Does that make sense?”
How many times have you ever said this after you’ve explained something to someone? I know I say it all the time. It’s a common saying for worriers and people with ADHD like myself.
We worry that we haven’t explained ourselves clearly and that the person will misunderstand what we’ve asked or explained and it will come back on us.
“You didn’t explain it properly.” Have you heard that one before? I have many times.
Even just writing this makes me feel stressed!
But what I’ve realized is that if someone is actively listening to me, then they will repeat some of the key phrases back to me. Or they’ll just ask me if they aren’t sure about something.
But how do we stop ourselves from stressing about whether the person has understood us?
One thing we can do is practice clear communication. Work on expressing thoughts and ideas more clearly. Practice articulating points simply and with confidence and without immediately seeking validation.
Another option is to change the way you ask if the other person understands. Instead of saying “Does that make sense?” you could try asking “What are your thoughts on this?”
A simple change that not only makes you come across as confident but over time can create higher self-esteem.
3) “I don’t have any talents”
Constantly talking yourself down is a huge giveaway that you have low self-esteem.
Sometimes it’s hard though, there are all those people out there who have actual proper talents and then there’s me, who in my eyes has done everything under the sun, but nothing particularly well.
When we think we don’t have any talents, we are putting ourselves down. When we say this kind of thing about ourselves it’s because we have compared ourselves with others, which is a confidence killer.
As I mentioned before, I have ADHD which means that I have tried every single possible hobby under the sun. This also means (for me), that I feel like I haven’t necessarily mastered any of these so-called hobbies.
Other people I know spend hours mastering skills and I would give up one thing to start something new.
So, when I was feeling like I didn’t have a talent I spoke to my friends and family who knew me well. As it turns out, I have many talents, I just am also a perfectionist, so if I wasn’t the best in the world, then I thought I wasn’t talented.
The perspectives of the people we love and trust can be really helpful for building our confidence. They see us differently than we see ourselves. Talk to them, because they will tell you the truth.
Then, once you start to speak positively about what you can do, you will begin to believe it too.
4) “I’m sorry”
Has anyone ever said sorry to you so many times, that you have to tell them to stop saying it? Then they apologize again? This can be a sign that this person has very low self-esteem.
The word sorry has its place, but over-apologizing is just annoying and unnecessary.
I have a friend who does this whenever she is late (and she’s late a lot). Everyone knows exactly what she will say when she gets there. “Sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Sorry,” The same thing every time.
So off I went to research about this and found a wonderful way to counter “I’m sorry”.
Thank you. “Thank you for waiting for me”. What a change these two words make.
The response ‘Thank you’ changes the whole feeling and dynamic. Suddenly you sound confident in yourself, the other person responds with “You’re welcome” and feels like they are appreciated and respected by you.
5) “I hate to bother you”
“I hate to bother you”, “Sorry to inconvenience you” or “Um sorry, if you have the time…” These are just awkward ways to say “Excuse me”.
Have you used any of these sentences before when asking for assistance?
These phrases all scream “I’m not good enough for your time!”
And most occasions when we are using these phrases, the people whom we are asking for help, for example, shop assistants and wait staff, are being paid to help us!
Even if someone isn’t being paid and you would like help, when you speak like this you come across like a little mouse and are less likely to be listened to or helped.
Confident people get what they want much more often.
We often beat around the bush because we don’t want to inconvenience or annoy the other person. But I know that I would rather someone come straight out and ask me for what they want. How about you?
Try starting with a clear and direct statement. For example, “I would appreciate,” “I am requesting,” or “I would like,” which can establish confidence and set a positive tone for your request.
For example: “Hi John, I would appreciate it if you could help me to lift this table over to the back of the room.”
Ask for what you want with a direct and positive tone, expressing your needs and desires clearly and confidently.
Maintain eye contact and use assertive body language, such as standing tall and speaking with a steady voice. This demonstrates your self-assurance and increases the likelihood of a positive response.
6) “I might be wrong, but…”
Being unsure of yourself is a huge giveaway that you have low self-esteem. That you don’t believe in yourself enough to just say what you think, just in case you’re wrong.
Confident people stand their ground. They sound sure in what they suggest and recommend. Everyone is wrong sometimes, but they cross that bridge when they get to it and just admit they were wrong.
So next time someone is asking for your advice, before replying with “I might be wrong but…”, stop yourself and just give them the advice, or say “I’ve heard that…”
Everyone’s advice might be wrong, but if you’re about to give it, you must be confident enough that it might also be right.
7) “Whatever you think”
How often have you said this because you didn’t want to make the wrong decision? Or you couldn’t decide on something because you were too worried about what the other person would think of you?
We often think it’s just easier to let the other person choose. But we have to remember that they have asked us to decide on something because they value and want our opinion.
So when we respond with an answer like “whatever you think” or “you decide,” we’re telling that person that we don’t matter and our opinions and ideas are worthless.
Sometimes it can be hard to know what you want, but you need to be clear about that. And when you do have a point of view or an opinion, speak up.
Once we begin to speak up, have our opinions heard, and ask for the things that we want, others see us as confident and valuable. They know we won’t waste their time and that we are someone that they can count on.
These are all things that will boost our self-esteem and make us feel worthy.
