If someone snaps at you or tries to pick an argument, it’s very easy to just… give in.
Before you know it, you’ve been shouting your head off for fifteen minutes, enraged and running on pure adrenaline.
But some people know better than to let others drag them down. They’re incredibly good at handling difficult people – so much so that others’ behavior rarely ever impacts them on a deep level.
And if you can relate to these 6 behaviors, it means you’re part of the club.
1) You don’t take things too personally
Let’s kick this off with the most important one of all: emotional detachment.
You and I both know just how frustrating some people can be. They might try to push your boundaries, refuse to listen to reason, or cause a scene just because something doesn’t go their way.
Whatever it is, they’re acting insufferable. And all you can do is try to – yep, that’s right – suffer them.
Personally, I’ve found that the key to dealing with difficult people in a graceful manner is to disconnect their behavior and words from who you are as a person.
What they do or say has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
A lot of the time, people may be projecting their own worries or flaws onto others, and what’s more, many of us act based on assumptions that don’t accurately represent reality.
When you realize that 1) the other person’s behavior isn’t a direct attack on your sense of self unless you let it and that 2) it doesn’t matter what others think of you as long as you’re confident that what you’re doing is right…
Everything becomes much easier.
And that brings us to the next point!
2) You’re okay with being disliked
There are billions of people on planet Earth. The chances that you’ll be liked by everyone you meet are extremely low (some may say non-existent).
This is why it’s very important that we all learn to be okay with being disliked.
Trust me, I know that this sounds much easier than it is. I grew up as a huge people-pleaser, which means that for most of my life, being liked by every single person I met was my number one priority.
And I suffered the consequences of that mindset. I let others push my boundaries, I didn’t express my needs and wants, I let my friends walk all over me, and as a result, I grew resentful and bitter.
And that resentment was what destroyed some incredibly close relationships.
More to the point, my people-pleasing behavior also made it very difficult to handle difficult people because I let them treat me poorly in the hopes that they’d just… change their minds eventually.
(Spoiler alert: they didn’t.)
If you’re an expert at managing situations with difficult people, you’re okay with the fact that they may not like you.
After all, you don’t like them either, so why does it matter?
Exactly. It doesn’t. Thus a tough lesson I’ve had to learn.
3) You approach every problem with a solution-oriented mindset
So, if our goal isn’t to necessarily get along with someone, what is it?
It’s to find a solution to the problem at hand. That’s it. That’s the main thing we should be aiming for.
When you take a step back from the situation and ask yourself, “What is the best way to navigate this scenario and reach my desired outcome?” you’re pushing your subjective feelings aside and therefore you’re carving out some space for logical and solution-oriented thinking to come in.
As a result, the person in question can say whatever they want in whichever tone they desire, and you’ll still remain unmoved by their theatrics.
Because you don’t want to get along with them or make them like you.
You just want to reach a solution that will pacify them and allow you to resolve the issue.
It’s very freeing to approach problems with difficult people in this way. Your ego becomes so irrelevant that you can fully focus on the issue you’re currently facing.
4) You know how to set and honor your boundaries
If you’re great at handling difficult people, the next behavior you should tick off your list is effective boundary-setting.
You’re going to need it.
One of the main problems of people who are frustrating to deal with is that they can be very disrespectful of others’ wishes and wants, which means you’ve got to continually re-establish your boundaries to ensure they don’t break them.
It’s not enough to just set a boundary once and hope the other person will remember it.
Oftentimes, they may try to pretend they forgot, question it, or test it, and unfortunately, it’s your job to constantly reinforce it so that they finally come to the understanding that you won’t give in.
5) You understand where difficult people are coming from (even if you disagree)
This one isn’t a requirement, but it definitely helps.
Empathy can be both a gift and a curse depending on how you use it.
If you’re so empathetic that you disregard your own needs for the sake of others, there’s a high chance you might struggle to navigate situations with difficult people because they will walk all over you before you even realize what’s going on.
If you can use your empathy to gain an understanding of how they feel, and if you then use that knowledge to show them compassion while also staying firm and goal-oriented, though…
That’s a recipe for success right there.
Everyone – yes, even people whose behavior drives you nuts – wants to feel heard and understood.
If you can display empathy and a strong rational front at the same time, you’re better able to handle stressful situations.
6) You have the perfect customer service voice
The tone of your voice matters – especially during heated conversations with people who are itching for a fight.
Enter… a customer service voice!
You have it, I have it, everyone has it.
It’s the kind of voice you use when on the phone with your GP or when booking a table at a restaurant.
It tends to be more high-pitched (and some people make it sound posher than is usual for them).
The customer service voice is the perfect line of defense against difficult people because it’s polite and respectful yet firm and emotionally detached.
So, if you’re ever dealing with a person who makes you want to claw their eyes out, put the voice on.
It’ll help you take a step back from the situation, assume a rational, problem-solving mindset, and remain firm and empathetic at the same time.
And if you’re already in the habit of doing that…
Congratulations!
It’s the final sign you’re great at handling difficult people.
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.
