Is it you? Are you the problem when it comes to your dating life?
Hopefully not…
When you’re looking for a healthy, committed, long-term relationship, you don’t want to date an immature guy.
But if you keep ending up with them anyway, your subconscious might be doing you dirty when it comes to the guys you find attractive (and keep dating!).
Never fear – the first step to kicking the habit is recognizing where the problem lies.
If you keep doing these 9 things, you’re subconsciously choosing immature men – and it’s time to stop!
1) You date guys who “don’t know what they want”
If you know what you’re looking for, but you keep dating men who say they “don’t know what they want” or they are “still figuring it out” – this isn’t a good sign.
In fact, it’s a sign you keep gravitating towards men who are immature when it comes to relationships!
Why? Because when a guy says these things, they either don’t want a relationship, don’t want to admit that they don’t want a relationship, or truly don’t know what they want!
I’m not saying you’re immature when you don’t know what you want. Some people are genuinely just figuring things out.
But when you feel like this, you don’t have a good grasp on what you want from dating right now.
And if you keep dating guys like this, it isn’t going to help you find someone who wants a mature relationship like you do.
2) You date guys with uncontrollable jealousy
Jealousy is a bad trait. I’ve dated some jealous people in the past and the mature ones keep it in check. They’re aware of their jealousy and they talk it out with you.
The same can’t be said for the immature guys. Immaturity generally means you struggle to understand, comprehend, or deal with something.
In this case, it’s jealousy.
Even if you like a bit of jealousy in a guy (experts say it’s actually healthy to be a tiny bit possessive/protective over your partner!), there’s a difference between mature and immature jealousy.
A guy who lets their jealousy run wild might be unkind, controlling, overly critical, or angry when they feel the spark.
But a mature guy might laugh about it or talk it through with you. See the difference?
3) You date guys who need a “carer”
Years (and years) ago, it used to be a tradition that men would go to work and women would look after the home (and their partner and the kids).
But in modern society, things have changed quite a bit.
Everybody works. Everybody has to take care of themselves. Partnerships are equal and people are treated as equals.
At least, that’s how it is when you’re dating a mature guy.
Because when you’re dating an immature guy, they won’t just want to date you for you. They’ll want to date you so they can be “looked after”, “cooked for”, “cleaned for”, and anything else.
Which isn’t realistic anymore. Nor is it a very mature mindset…
4) You date guys who “don’t have it all figured out yet”
Haven’t we all heard this one before? It’s hard when someone says this to you.
I know I tend to want to help people figure things out. And I want to be understanding since I’ve felt like I’ve been in a similar position before.
But unfortunately, some guys (the immature ones, at least) don’t say this when they’re working through their issues. Or when they actually want help.
They say it because they genuinely don’t have things figured out. And they’re either setting you up for a rejection very soon or simply want attention from you.
And realistically, continuing to date these guys isn’t going to lead you to a strong, healthy, or mature relationship…
5) You chase men when they pull away
Guys pull away for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes, they just don’t like you like that. Sometimes, they can’t handle the way they feel about you.
Sometimes, they don’t know how they feel. And sometimes, they do it because they want you to chase them and tell them how much they mean to you.
And you fall right into their trap and chase them.
You message them first repeatedly. You double-text them. You do anything possible to follow up with them even though it’s pretty clear they’re pulling away.
If you find yourself falling into this pattern of chasing men who pull away, you might be falling for immature men.
Because mature guys wouldn’t just withdraw for no reason. If they weren’t feeling it, you’d get a text. Or if they were busy, you’d still get a text eventually.
And they wouldn’t pull away to get your attention or to play games with you.
6) You date guys who have no life goals
This may sound like I’m being cruel or shallow, but hear me out – because I’m actually not!
There’s no right or wrong way to live. But if you’re mature, you probably have some goals for your life. Even if it’s basic things, like wanting to work, live a healthy lifestyle, and find a happy relationship one day.
Finding and setting your life goals comes with maturity. As kids, we don’t often do it. But most adults have some sort of thought (and plan) for the future.
Which means if you don’t have any life goals, your maturity levels are possibly lacking a bit.
If the guys you date are unemployed (and not looking), have little regard for their health, don’t want to achieve anything one day, and have no plan for the future, these aren’t mature guys.
And a relationship with them probably isn’t going to end up being a very mature one, either.
7) You date guys who blame everyone else for their problems
If you’re in a pattern of falling for immature guys, they’ll probably have this trait, too.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions (like an adult), they blame everyone else for their problems in life.
The most obvious sign of this is if something went wrong in their last few relationships. Every time, it was everyone else’s fault but theirs. And they never did a thing wrong!
Which, when you’re more mature and objective about things, you know this probably isn’t true. There are two sides to every story and two people are normally involved in a relationship breaking down.
Be particularly careful of guys who call every ex-girlfriend they’ve ever had “crazy”.
Chances are, they weren’t “crazy” at all. The guy just couldn’t act maturely or handle the emotions involved in having a partner and a relationship!
8) You date guys who are tit for tat
Another sign of immaturity in guys is when they are “tit for tat”. I.e., they do to you what you do to them!
I had a friend once whose guy wouldn’t do something in bed for her because she wouldn’t do it for him. Even though she had a health reason that stopped her…
When you’re a mature person, you don’t do things for other people just to get something in return. You also don’t “only do for them what they do for you”.
If you do, it’s tit for tat. And it’s immature. I’m sorry, there’s no sugarcoating that!
When you’re in a healthy relationship, you know that everyone has different needs.
Sometimes you have to give more than you receive. Other times, you receive more than you give. It’s just what happens in everyday life and relationships.
If you keep gravitating towards guys who say and do things like this, it’s immature men who keep catching your eye!
9) You date guys who act out when they don’t get their own way
Another sign the guys you’re dating are immature is when they act out after you say no to them. Or if anyone else says no to them, for that matter.
I once went on a date with a guy who got extremely mad at the server because they’d run out of the dessert he wanted.
I get the disappointment. Hey, I love a cheesecake! But losing control like that when you don’t get your own way isn’t a good look.
Nor is it something a mature person does.
If a guy acts this way when you say no to them, or gets a bit irate when they don’t get their own way, this shouldn’t be a turn-on for you.
If it is, you’re in the habit (and are drawn to!) immature guys.
Final thoughts
If you’re looking for something long-term, dating a mature guy is the way to go.
You just have to find one! To do this, you have to realize if the patterns you’re in are leading you to immature guys rather than mature ones.
And if they are, you have to cut them out!
